Placebo
by Kezzaz83
Summary: Andy needed Sam's help - and something horrible happens. This is the fallout - for them, and for everyone else. It wouldn't be McSwarek fabulousness without a bit of drama! I'm really bad at writing summaries, but I hope you guys enjoy...
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One. **

Oliver slowly walked up the front steps to his house, unlocked and pushed the front door open as stealthily as he could. All the lights were out, which probably meant all the occupants had long since been tucked up in bed – he checked his watch. 4.35am...and grimaced – he was only eight and a half hours late. As soon as he was through the front door he removed his shoes, so as not to clatter on the wooden floorboards and headed up the stairs – skilfully avoiding any creakages – something that had come from having to do this routine far too many times. He carefully prised open the bedroom door of his youngest daughter, and stood in the doorway silently watching her sleep, before creeping over to her bedside and adjusting her covers so that she was completely tucked in, repositioning 'snuffles' the bear that had become surgically attached to her since he had won it for her at the fair last summer, and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Hey sweetheart, daddy's sorry he missed your big show – you'll have to re-enact it for me at dinner tonight."

"That's if you make it to the school to pick her up. You're lucky you took your gun with you – what the hell are you thinking creeping around the house at this time in the morning – you scared the crap out of me!"

"I'm sorry – I just...it's been a rough day, and I wanted to see my girls." He offered his wife a small smile, in the hope that he would realise he meant her too.

"It's a pity you didn't want to see them 8 hours ago."

"That's not fair – I tried to call...I couldn't..."

"She was devastated Ollie – it took me two hours to get her to bed."

"I'm sorry ok – can we...can we not do this here." Oliver attempted to move away from Maddie's bed side, but stopped dead in his tracks when she stirred underneath her covers and held his breath –praying for her to keep sleeping. He stayed statuesque until he was certain there was no way she was waking up, and turned and walked towards Zoe and the hallway, pulling the door quietly closed behind him. He turned towards his wife, and reached for her hand. "I'm sorry ok – I miss you. I miss all of you."

"You don't think this is hard for me too. I can't keep doing this – me and the girls, we can't keep coming second best."

"You're not sec..."

"That's what it feels like. It was different when it was me and you, but I have to think about them. They need to have you around, they need to know you're around – and not just for a family dinner every couple of weeks when your shifts are good to you."

"Zo...please, please I can't do this now. I just wanted to have breakfast with my family." Oliver attempted to portray the sincerity of what he was saying, he wanted to reach out and hold her – make sure she was ok, but knew she wouldn't let him. Instead he opted for brushing his thumb across her hand affectionately.

"What was so important?"

"Zoe...I can't..."

"You're going to have to tell her why you weren't there – how are you going to manage that if you won't even tell me?"

"I'll think of something."

"Don't you think I have a right to know. You turn up unannounced and creep around the house at 4.30 in the morning – and I don't hear from you for the whole 8 and a half hours that I have been waiting for you to get in touch! You're practically a whole day late! I thought we talked about priorities...we talked about how things had to change...".

"I'm sorry...I"

"You can't keep saying that – after a while it loses its value."

"Will you keep your voice down – it's 4.30 in the morning, you're going to wake the entire house!"

"What so you got caught up in some huge case that couldn't wait...she was so excited about last night, you knew that."

"I was at the hospital." Oliver hissed at his wife, in an attempt to try and get her to listen to him. "Ok...do you not think that I would much rather that the past 24 hours had played out differently – that I would much rather have been watching Maddie's thing...I've spent the past 10 hours at Memorial, I'm tired – exhausted actually, and I just wanted to see my family. I didn't want to freak you out – I didn't want to wake you."

"What – why?" Zoe's eyes grew wide with concern, and Oliver took a shaky breath to steady his nerve. He didn't want to talk about it – talking about it all made it seem real, and right now he didn't want it to feel real. He was quite happy with thinking this was all some surreal nightmare and he would wake up in about 5 minute's time in Sam's spare room with McNally waving some coffee under his nose.

"I'm fine ok...I'm fine, I...they had to take Sammy into surgery, and I couldn't leave until I'd spoken to his doctor – for all the good it did."

"Why – what happened?" Zoe reached out and took hold of her husband's other hand – a nauseous feeling started to take root in her stomach."Ollie..."

Oliver looked up at his wife in confusion and then rolled his eyes at himself – he had been over the events of the past 24 hours so many times in his head that he forgot that of course she would have no idea about what was going on.

"Oliver – what happened? Is he going to be ok?"

"They don't know...they don't know yet. He was out of surgery when I left, but he's still critical – he's in ICU so they wouldn't let me see him. He's not breathing – not for himself; he's on a respirator – that's bad right?" Oliver took a shaky breath, and chanced a look at his wife. "I called Sarah, and I didn't want to leave until she got there."

"How's Andy?"

"She's doing better – not on a respirator at least, and the doctor seemed slightly happier about her prognosis so..."

"What? Oliver...what the hell happened?"

"Oh - You meant how's Andy with Sam being...I guess she doesn't technically know yet, so she's probably doing better than the rest of us...sorry, I just...I don't know..I don't even know anymore where to...I..." Oliver shrugged his shoulders - unsure of what he was trying to say.

Zoe led her husband down the stairs and sat him on the sofa, returning very quickly with a hot sweet tea – forced him to drink it despite his 'yuk' face, and took his hand again. "Start at the beginning – what happened?"

"He's an idiot – he should never have...I tried to talk him out of it, I tried to talk some sense into him, but you know what he gets like sometimes...he shouldn't have been anywhere near that warehouse, and I knew...I just knew as soon as he pulled up – you know how sometimes you just get this feeling, this bad sinking feeling...there was no talking any sense into him...I don't even know how he knew, but...he loves her. I say all this – but he loves her you know, and if it had been you I would've been exactly the same – but it's not exactly the same – she's a cop, we trained her and she knew what she was doing – she knew what she was getting herself into."

"Oliver...honey, you're rambling...just take a breath and start at the beginning."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two**

Oliver rapped his knuckles lightly against the door, and pushed it open slightly to see a sleeping Traci curled up with a blanket on a plastic hospital chair, still gripping her best friends hand despite the uncomfortable sleep that had claimed her. Jerry looked over to the doorway and offered his friend a small tired smile in a way of greeting. "Hey...how's our wounded soldier doing?"

"Pretty much the same. They say we just have to wait – she'll wake up when she's ready".

Oliver nodded in acknowledgement and stepped into the room. "Have you been here all night? You look like hell."

"Whereas you look like a bed of roses," Oliver half smiled at his friend, and nodded his head again in acceptance of his retaliation. "Traci didn't want to leave, so we stayed."

"You heard any news on Sammy?"

"As far as I know nothing has changed – I tried to get somebody to speak to me when I went on a coffee run about half an hour ago, but you know what these places are like."

"What's happening with Krzeminski? Please tell me they have something."

"Callaghan's on it – I'm going to head in and see if I can add anything to the mix as soon as I've convinced Traci to let me take her home."

"I'm staying." The attention of both men was drawn to the mumbled phrase coming from Traci's direction, and Jerry looked back at Oliver with a helpless 'what am I supposed to do' expression on his face.

Oliver walked across to stand in Traci's line of vision on the opposite side of Andy's bed. "Nash – go home. I've got her back for a while. You can't live next to a hospital bed, what use will a comatose detective be to her when she comes round?"

"I'm fine...I just need some coffee." Traci looked up at Jerry with pleading eyes "Please go and get me some coffee...a few shots of caffeine and I'll be right as rain."

"I'm taking you home."

"What? No...I need to stay here, I need to be here."

"I'm taking you home, you can get some proper sleep, and then you can come back later. It's not open for discussion."

Oliver noted Traci's reluctance to leave and ventured into the couples conversation again. "She's not going to be on her own – I promise I will stay with her until you're back. A few hours with me as company and she'll be wide awake and throwing me out of the room in no time."Jerry reached down and helped Traci out of the chair, silently wording a thank you in his friends' direction, and guided her towards the door and down the hall.

The silence of Andy's room settled on Oliver like a heavy fog. The only sound he could hear was the beeping of the machines she was currently hooked up to, and the occasional mutter of passing voices in the hall outside. He picked up his feet and forced himself to walk around to Traci's vacated chair – taking up her position by Andy's side. He wasn't quite sure of what to do with himself, he felt as though he should hold her hand, but felt uncomfortable reaching for it so settled with resting his hand against her arm.

"Hey copper – you've really outdone yourself this time eh?... Sam would never forgive me if he found out I'd left you on your own. He need's you now...you need to hurry up and wake up, because I don't think my handsomeness sat by his bedside is gonna be enough to pull him through this. McNally – are you listening to me? Andy?". Oliver had to force himself to swallow past the lump that had appeared in his throat, and moved his hand down to grip her hand. "What are we gonna do with you huh?" He let out a small shaky sigh, and attempted to get comfortable on the chair – something told him he was going to be here for a while.

**...**

Oliver grimaced as he attempted to work out the crick in his neck – hospital chairs definitely did not make comfortable beds. He glanced down at the patient, noticing the angry gash on the side of her head for the first time and stifled a sigh. He cleared his throat as an indication to the nurse busying herself around Andy's monitors that she had woken him up, and also that he wanted to speak to her. She turned an offered him a bright smile, one that he didn't return – he wasn't in the mood for bright niceties.

"How's she doing?"

"She's a tough cookie this one. Her charts and monitors indicate that she's stable; she just needs time for her body to heal. Do you want me to fetch her Doctor – he should be able to give you a more in depth update." The nurse started walking towards the door of Andy's room, dropping off her charts on the way.

"Thanks...I don't suppose you know about the Officer that was brought in with her – Sam Swarek? He's in ICU – and..." Oliver tailed off – not sure how to finish his sentence, and the nurse smiled warmly back at him.

"Let me check for you."

He mumbled his thank you to her retreating form, and his gaze returned to Andy – sweeping and cataloguing her visible bruises and cuts – and felt the first parts of anger started to boil beneath the surface. This wasn't fair...he wasn't supposed to be spending his time waiting to hear whether his friends were going to recover – they should be out celebrating something – Nash's recent rotation being made permanent, being free of Collins and the TO role once again...raising a glass to Frank, Noelle and baby Best – this was definitely not fair. Oliver turned when he heard footsteps through the door, and attempted to hold back his surprise when he turned and saw Sarah loitering in the doorway agitatedly stepping with side to side. He stood and walked over to her, standing in her line of vision and attempted to gain her distracted attention. "Hey...Sarah...Sarah – look at me, hey...is everything ok? Is Sam...?"

"Same...the same...he's still..." she brushed off his hand when he attempted to reach for her and walked around him – stopping at the foot of Andy's bed. "So this is Andy huh?"

"Sarah...I...yes, yes this Andy. Are you ok? Do you need me to get something for you?..." Oliver fidgeting with his hands...something about the two most important women in his friends' life meeting each other – well technically, but not really – meeting each other for the first time with him occupying the buffer zone fed his anxiety levels.

"What happened to her?"

"We don't know the full story yet..."

Sarah turned the full force of her Swarek glare on the man who had moved so he was now standing next to her – and Oliver almost had to stop a smile. It may not have been quite as harsh as Sam could usually muster, but he doubted she had the need to utilise it as much as her brother, it was definitely a good attempt -they were definitely related. "She had a run in with some organised crime types – people smuggling, prostitution rings – the usual highest calibre of society. She has some broken bones, a big bash to the head and was stabbed once in her side – that's about all of what we know that I can tell you, the rest we're still trying to figure out."

"...and Sam...?" Oliver's heart twinged a little at the way his sister whispered his name, almost as if saying it out loud would make this all a bit too real.

"I have no idea."

"You were there right?" She turned and peered at him through teary eyes, blinking several times in an attempt to keep them at bay.

"Yep...yeah I was there. I have no idea what he was doing there – I have no idea how he even found out where we were. He was told to stand down Sarah – he wasn't supposed to be anywhere near this case..." Oliver shrugged his shoulders in a physical indication of his loss for words, and frustration. He wished he could give her answers – tell her everything, but in truth everything happened so fast he barely even registered any of the details he knew himself.

Sarah turned back to study Andy, and let out a shaky sigh..."Does she love him?"

Oliver almost laughed out loud, but caught himself just in time – he needed to remember that Sarah had not been a witness to the past 3 years at fifteen, and the changes McNally had bought into her brothers' world. His subconscious unwillingly brought forth some of his favourite memories of team 'McSwarek' as he now termed them, and found himself battling for the power of speech over a large lump in his throat for the umpteenth time today. "Yes, yes she loves him."

Sarah nodded in acknowledgement, and then left just as quickly as she had arrived – leaving Oliver alone to the silence and the beeping machines once more.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter three.**

***3 weeks earlier***

Andy swung open the front door to her condo, and eyed the person on the other side through narrowed eyes. He smiled sheepishly at her and waved some Thai takeout under her nose.

"Peace offering..."

Andy raised an eyebrow in response. "Is that the best you can do...?"

"I did have some other make up activities in mind – but I think you might have to invite me in first."

Andy stepped back from her front door, allowing him into her apartment, and walked over to the kitchen to collect some plates and cutlery, pulling some wine out from her cooler and pouring a couple of glasses.

"This doesn't mean I've forgiven you...just that we're talking...you we're a jerk today."

She picked up her glass, and went to walk past Sam who had followed her into the kitchen, but he reached out and held her wrist, pulling her back to him before she had the chance to move too far away. He abandoned the takeout on the kitchen counter and wrapped his other arm around her waist to hold her even closer.

"I'm sorry...ok...you took me by surprise – and just so we clear, it's part of my job to worry about you."

"You're not my TO anymore...you don't have to..."

"That's not what I meant. I'm not just talking about work...but I know what these people are like – what they're capable of. They must have shown you the files – why would you think I would be happy with you being stuck in the middle of that."

"You're the one who is always telling me that I'm good at this...that I need to believe in myself more."

"There is a world of difference between working the streets every day, and dealing with these kinds of..." Andy pulled herself free from Sam's grasp, and pushed him away from her slightly – his words died on his lips as she stared at him in disbelief, with a hint of hurt and indignation flashing briefly across her delicate features.

"So what you're saying then is that you don't think I can do this...that I shouldn't even be considering it, because there is no chance in hell that I will be able to pull it off!"

"No...I'm saying that you..."

"Good, because I'm doing it." Andy crossed her arms defensively, and eyed the man standing opposite her – issuing a silent dare for him to disagree with her. Sam reached for her again, but she took another step back, avoiding his touch.

"Andy..."

"No – ok, you're not being fair. I need you to believe in me...I need you to believe that I know what I'm doing, and that I can do this. I would if it was you."

Sam stared back at her with disbelief clouding his features, "So you're telling me that you would have absolutely no problem with me disappearing on a UC operation with a bunch of sadistic, drug addled, violent crazed lunatics – you'd be totally cool with the whole idea?"

"You would totally have agreed to do it if they hadn't already told you that you couldn't. I saw the look on your face when Luke said about the fact that it might be linked to those guys that attacked Sarah – that they might be able to link charges back to them somehow".

Sam clenched his jaw in an attempt to quell the rising agitation he felt, as his expression merged from disbelief to incredulous. He should have punched him, it would have felt really good to wipe that smug smirk off his face today – especially with the way he looked at Andy, and that was before he mentioned anything about any case.

"What? So you're doing this because I can't?"

"No...Yes...maybe – I don't know. I want to do this...It's my job."

"Callaghan hasn't even been on this task force for a year...it's the first major op his running, forgive me if I'm not overfilled with joy at the thought that his first attempt at taking down some high rolling sick shitheads seems to have you lined up in the firing line."

"Sam...I've already told him I'll do it. We can have this same argument a thousand times; it's not going to change anything."

Sam pinched the bridge of his nose, and let out an exasperated sigh. He attempted to calm the anxiety building in his stomach by taking some deep breaths, and resolved to attempt to let this go. It wasn't getting them anywhere, and the last thing he wanted to do was fight with her. He let his hand drop to his side, and shrugged his shoulders resignedly.

"What do you want from me? I don't want anything to happen to you...I don't understand why that's a bad thing."

Andy felt her heart twinge, and her stomach flip slightly at his words, which helped ease her frustration. Her appetite for this fight faded and her eyes betrayed her. Sam grasped the opportunity to reach out to her again, and this time she didn't attempt to pull away from him – merely let him pull her close again, and she steadied herself by resting her hands on his shoulders. Sam let his forehead drop so that it was resting against hers – he could smell her shampoo, and it was strangely comforting to the panicked queasiness that seemed to be assaulting him.

"I'm not saying it's a bad thing – I'm just saying you have to trust me. You have to trust that I can do this – that I can do my job, and I need you to back me up...Sam?" Andy pulled back from him slightly in an attempt to make him understand where she was coming from, or at least so she could read his reaction.

Sam momentarily relinquished his grip on her waist, and held his hands up in surrender – nodding his head once in acknowledgement – before attempting to stifle a groan, and settled for an imaginary eye roll instead. "Ok. You know I'm always going to back you up – just promise me you haven't agreed to this because of something stupid, and you know what you're getting yourself into."

"I've seen the files...I know what I'm doing."

"You know that they're going to expect you to...they're going to try and make you..." Sam struggled to even find the words for what he was trying to say, and the thought of anything like what these guys were known for getting anywhere near her made him feel like throwing up. Throwing up and beating the crap out of Callaghan – who he was holding personally responsible for their current situation.

"It's been a long time since the hooker detail...I held my own with Brennan didn't I?"

"Brennan wasn't pimping you out to the delights of..."

"Sam!"

"Ok...fine...you know what you're doing."

Andy offered him a small smile, in acceptance of a truce. In honesty she knew that he would not be happy with her agreeing to do this, she knew it even before the words had left her mouth this afternoon and he didn't even have to be in her line of vision for her to know the mix of disbelief, horror and complete refusal of acceptance that would have been displayed on his face. She quashed the slight wave of hypocritical guilt flowing through her with the thought that she was doing this as much for him and Sarah as she was for her, and even though she knew she would be worried sick about him if he had been able to get involved in this; she wouldn't have asked him not to - and she definitely wouldn't have acted out like he had with her all afternoon. She reached behind him to pick up the bag and takeout and then proceeded to set up a mini feast for the two of them on the island in her kitchen – pushing a bar stool over to Sam and indicating that he should make himself comfortable.

**...**

Andy attempted to snuggle even closer to Sam, tangling her legs up in his and burying her head in her spot between his neck and shoulder – allowing herself to relax against him as he traced lazy patterns down her back with his hand. She hated fighting with him, but she absolutely adored making up. She placed several kisses along his jaw line, and nibbled his ear before finally giving into her curiosity.

"I need to ask you something."

"Go."

"Are you more uptight about this case because Luke is running it?"

"What?"

"He's gotta know what he's doing – he wouldn't be able to run it otherwise."

"I really don't want to talk about your ex right now."

"Sam...I'm being serious! Because if you are..."

"I don't like the guy. That's even less likely to change now, but Callaghan isn't the one I'm worried about. I couldn't care less about him...I care about you." Sam turned and looked at Andy, lifting her chin to make sure she could see how much he meant the words. He didn't let her look away from him until he saw the acknowledgement in her face.

"I know. I just wanted to...make sure. It'll be done and dusted before you know it...and we'll have two whole weeks of missed opportunities to catch up." Andy offered him a shy smile, while chewing nervously on her bottom lip. Her smile was dislodged by shriek as Sam flipped her over and hovered above her, pinning her underneath him.

"I'm not about to wait until then McNally...I think we have at least another ten minutes before we have to get to ready to leave...and I don't know about you, but I plan on making the most of each and every second."

Andy's smile grew of its accord as she reached up and wrapped her arms around him, and whispered..."Less talking...more..." She didn't get the chance to finish her sentence, before her words were swallowed up by Sam's hungry kisses and any capability of her brain forming an end to her words went completely out the window.

**...**

**A/N – Sorry folks...hadn't intended to end this chapter here – but time constraints kind of got in the way, and I didn't want to leave you guys waiting any longer considering all the AMAZING reviews you've been sending my way! I'm not completely happy with it – but have given up re-writing it now and have started on the next instalment. Anyways...hope you all enjoy, and will try and get the next chapter up by the end of the week. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four.**

"So how do I look? Cheap and nasty huh?"

Andy finally acknowledged Sam's presence, performing a small twirl and offering him what she hoped was an I can kick butt level of a confident smile, despite the constant state of terrified she had been in since she walked through the locker room door thirty minutes ago. His dark eyes had been studiously watching her apply her make up since he walked in, but she couldn't bring herself to speak until now – and she was starting to question why she had thought this was a good idea. She didn't want to have to say goodbye to him – even if it was only for a few weeks, she hated them...was horrible at them. He offered her a small smile in return, one that didn't quite meet his eyes – but kept his response light.

"Definitely working the nasty McNally – how come you never wear those boots for me?"

"That would be because you are most fond of me wearing nothing."

Andy smiled her first true smile of the night when her response pulled a small laugh from Sam, followed very quickly by a smirk and a flash of those insane dimples. "Oh...ok – that's the way you're heading?"

"Yeah, yeah...you know it's true." Andy turned back to the mirror to add the finishing touches to her lipstick, and when she turned back to Sam his smile had disappeared – his gaze had transformed into a look that was much more sombre and intense and her heart thudded loudly and painfully against her ribcage in response. "Don't..." – she wasn't above pleading with him, she would if she had to...she couldn't make it through a serious farewell with him unscathed...in fact if he kept looking her like that she was pretty sure she might even die a little bit. "Two weeks...it's just like a mini-vacation for you, and I will be back busting your ass about letting me drive the squad car in no time."

"You don't have to do this..."

"Sam...Please don't...not now – ok? I do – you know I do."

"Andy..."

"No...It'll be fine – I'll be fine, you'll be fine – we'll both be fine. It's two weeks – how much trouble can we get into in two weeks? Besides...I've got a whole take down team of back up - It'll be fine." Andy inwardly cringed at herself..._nervous rambling...that's an excellent move –stellar McNally, wow – that's just perfect – 'Real smooth'. _She dropped her head and studied the floor tiles in a futile attempt at avoiding his gaze.

Sam pushed himself up from his locker lean and walked slowly over to her, lifted her chin with his thumb and forefinger until she looked up at him, and placed a gentle kiss on the tip of her nose.

"Promise me you'll be careful...no reckless selflessness. It's all about you McNally – no heroics...ok?".

Andy didn't trust her voice – she knew it would betray her, so settled for a slight nod of agreement before tangling her fingers in the collar of his uniform shirt and pulling him towards her kissing him deeply. Sam wrapped one hand up in her hair, and used it to pull her closer. He trailed his kisses from her lips along her jaw, and down her neck – he heard her breathing hitch, and felt her hands slide up and through his hair holding him in place and massaging his scalp with her fingers – she let her head fall back, giving him better access to her weak spot. Sam's moved his other hand to the small of her back and used its position to dispel any tiny patches of space that had previously been between them – pulling her so close to him that they practically moulded together. Andy really didn't want to let go of him, but she knew she had to stop this before she became completely intoxicated with him for the second time tonight – she was only delaying the inevitable and the longer she let him touch, kiss and hold her like he was, the harder it would be for her to walk out the door. She placed both of her palms against his chest and tried to push him away, but he responded by tightening his grip on her and pulling her back to him, bringing his lips back to hers again and silencing any protest before she even had a thought coherent enough to make one. Andy didn't have to desire or the will to try and stop him again, and willingly gave up that fight – she used her hands instead trace the outline of his firm muscled torso and commit it to memory – before eventually wrapping her arms around his shoulders in an attempt to keep herself standing upright.

Sam eventually loosened his grip on her waist, and pulled back from her slightly – nudged her nose with his own – a move that made her heart twinge a little every time, and rested his forehead against hers. Andy wrapped her fingers up tightly in his shirt collar again in an attempt to keep hold of him, she knew she had to go but she really didn't want to walk through that door now – she wanted to stay exactly where she was, pretty much for ever. Sam took a small step back – not far enough to break contact, but just enough to give them some breathing room, and kissed her once on her forehead.

"You have to go..." His voice was thick with emotion, and Andy suddenly felt sick – whether it was nerves, or something else entirely she wasn't completely sure – but the edge she heard in his voice brought the tell tale pinpricks of tears to her eyes, and she closed them to stop any from falling – hoping they hadn't been too visible. "Andy...?"

Andy forced herself to open her eyes, and attempted a small smile while taking a big – supposedly calming and steadying breath – although it didn't really seem to be helping.

"I have to go...Sam I...promise me you'll be careful too. You're not the only one of us who worries you know."

"Promised."

"Ok. You have to go...get out of here, go and make coffee or something – I'm never going to be able to go anywhere with you standing there looking at me like that." Sam offered her a small smile, but made no attempt to move or relinquish his hold on her until she attempted to bat his hands away. "Go...please...?"

Sam dipped his head in a nod of acknowledgement, huffed out a sigh and stepped back from her. Andy missed his closeness and his hands all at once and it took every inch of any willpower she had not to reach for him again.

"I'm gone...just..."

"Be careful – I know, I will."

"I'm gonna miss you."

"Me too..."

Sam gave her one last reassuring smile, a nod of his head – satisfied that she had listened to him, turned and walked out of the women's locker room and headed straight for the men's in a tactic of avoidance. He was planning on avoiding having to see Andy walk out of the station with Callaghan in the hope that he could make himself believe that this wasn't actually happening – and he was also planning on not providing any of his co-workers, friends on any other spectators the pleasure of being able to analyse him watching her do exactly that.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five.**

Andy involuntarily let out a small groan, the pain in her head was getting worse – she almost felt as if someone had taken a jackhammer to it. She attempted to prise open an eye, but shut it almost instantly – it was bright, far too bright – almost scalding.

"Andy? Hey...?" Traci reached for her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze, and Andy scrunched up her face in confusion – Traci wasn't supposed to be here. She slowly opened both eyes and took in a sharp breath as the bright sunlight filtered through and into her brain. It took a couple of seconds for her eyesight to focus, but the fuzzy outlines she saw slowly morphed into the concerned faces of her best friend and her father.

"How you feeling kiddo?" Tommy reached out and tucked a piece of stray hair behind Andy's ear and offered her a reassuring smile.

Traci looked back over her shoulder to Tommy, and offered him a bright smile. "I'm going to find her doctor – I'll be right back." Traci looked back to Andy and gave her hand one more squeeze and then relinquished her grip, standing from her chair and striding purposefully out of the room and down the hall. Andy's gaze followed her friend through the doorway, and she momentarily closed her eyes and took a large deep breath in an attempt to quell the pounding in her head – or at least clear some of the fog that was making it so hard for her to think or for her brain to function. She felt her dad take hold of her hand, and opened her eyes again – her questioning gaze landing on his smiling face.

"You're at Memorial sweetheart – you gave us all a bit of a scare. How are you feeling?"

Andy tried to respond, and say she was fine – it was her auto-pilot response, but her throat and mouth were as dry as sandpaper, and issuing any kind of sound appeared to be something that her body didn't want to comply with. She swallowed painfully a few times, and tried again.

"I'm fine...I feel fine." Her voice came out whispered and raspy, but she knew her dad had heard her from the raised eyebrow currently aimed in her direction. "My head hurts"

"Well as soon as your friend gets back with the Doctor we can try and sort that out. Anything else?"

Andy shook her head slightly, and scrunched her eyes closed again and hissed in response from the explosion it caused in her nerve endings at her temple. Her dad gave her hand a slight squeeze, and swallowed thickly – battling the relief swarming around him now that she had woken up and was actually talking to them.

"Take it easy sweetheart – ok?"

Andy's eyes stayed firmly shut, but she offered a small smile and a mumbled "Mmmhmmm" to indicate she had heard him. She didn't want to open her eyes again – it was all too bright, and it seemed to quadruple the pain waves. She heard the footsteps of Traci returning, followed by what she guessed was her doctor and the scrape from the hospital chair on the floor tiles as her dad stood up. "She said her head hurts...and..."

"Ok, Mr McNally – I just need you to give us a few minutes while I talk to her, and check up on a couple of things. Would you mind just stepping outside into the hall for a little bit – both of you?"

Andy slowly prized open her eyes again, and the Doctor offered her a smile. She had a nice face, a warm, open and friendly one and Andy offered her a small smile in return. She sensed the reluctance of Traci and her dad to leave, and gave them a nudge in the right direction. "I'll be fine – it's ok." Traci broke out into a bright smile, and strode across the room to the side of Andy's bed, placing a small kiss on the top of her head.

"Welcome back. We missed you." She gave her shoulder a slight squeeze and then turned to leave. Tommy displayed slightly more reluctance, and Traci gathered him up and nudged him out of the room on her way – but not before he could throw "We're just outside if you need anything," over his shoulder.

**...**

Traci and Tommy ambushed Andy's doctor as soon as she walked out of the doorway to her room. She waited for their hundred mile an hour questions to subside – smiling generously at them. All of the questions that we're being thrown her way generally boiled down to whether Andy McNally was going to be ok, and from experience she had learned that it was better to let all the questions come out and then offer a single answer – she would only have been re-iterating the same statements over and over again. Their questions eventually burned down to the "She's going to be ok right?" and she had found her opening.

"She'll be fine. I've increased her morphine level slightly to try and take care of her headache, and the increased levels may also help with her cracked ribs and broken fibula. The stab wound to her side appears to be healing well, but it will cause her quite a high level of discomfort for a while – even with the pain medication. It's just going to have to be a case of perseverance and making sure she takes things easy and gives herself time to heal. I would like to keep her in for at least a week for observation, and then we can re-assess the situation again."

Traci let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding, and allowed herself to finally feel a little bit of relief – she was awake, and she was going to be fine. Her high lasted all of about five seconds before she felt like she had the wind knocked out of her again.

"She's asking for someone called Sam?"

The doctor's gaze flickered back and forth between the two people standing opposite her, and noted a pained expression emerging on both faces – evidently that was her cue to leave.

"Ok – as far as visitors go, it would be good if you could keep it to two at a time maximum – and try not to wear her out too much. She needs time to relax and heal. I will be back later to check on her, but if you have any questions or need to speak to me before then, just have one of the nurses at the desk page me."

Andy's doctor offered a parting smile, and made her way back down the hall – leaving Traci and Tommy rooted to the spot.

**A/N...**

**I'm sorry...I know you are all going to kill me for making this instalment so short – but I promise to have the next one up ASAP – I'm trying to keep plugging regular updates through, and as a result I'm posting them as short at sweet...I'm guessing you all know what's coming, but please leave a comment or review and let me know what you think so far...your reviews are the drugs that keep my fingers typing! Xx **


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six. **

Andy offered a slightly brighter smile than before in the direction of her dad and Traci as they stepped tentatively back into view through the doorway of her room.

"Hi."

Tommy held his arm in an indication for Traci to walk through ahead of him, and he followed her footsteps to Andy's bed side – standing awkwardly at the foot of Andy's bed, while Traci took up what had become her usual position in the hospital chair at Andy's side. She flashed a small half smile at her best friend, and took hold of her hand again.

"How's your head sweetheart?" Tommy gingerly made his way around to the other side of Andy's bed, and made a seat out of the side of her mattress – resting his hand on her non-plastered leg, and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Better, drugs definitely help."

"Andy, sweetie..." Her dad's gravelly voice had a sombre tone to it that Andy didn't quite pick up on.

"I missed your talk...it was your turn to stand and talk last night right? How did it go?" Andy searched her dad's face for some kind of indication of how his first lead at his AA meeting went, and Tommy's heart broke a little bit at that point – he wanted to allow her to distract him, he had no idea how to even start this conversation, but he knew that it wouldn't get any easier if he did. He glanced across at Traci who offered an encouraging nod in his direction – and he felt Andy's leg stiffen slightly under his hand, before he glanced back at her.

"I postponed...I wanted to be here with you, I can reschedule – its fine."

Andy's gaze flickered back and forth between Traci and her dad; she had seen that look before – it wasn't good, she knew it wasn't - and even though she was sure she didn't really want to know, she hadn't been able to stop the question passing her lips.

"What?...What is it?" She saw their pained glances towards each other again, but neither of them spoke, so she tried again. "What?"

She heard Traci take an exaggerated deep breath, and her attention was drawn to her best friend. "You said to your Doctor that you wanted to see Sam."

"Yeah I know...I wasn't expecting him to be here...I just thought maybe..."Andy's words died on her lips as she saw the way Traci looked at her dad, and she suddenly found it difficult to breathe.

Traci closed her eyes and took another deep breath, trying to channel the anxiety within into some kind of sentence that would take the panicked and pained look away from her friend. She felt sick, and she knew this was going to be one of the hardest conversations she had ever had with her. She opened her eyes again, and felt her chest constrict and her break a little bit at the anxiety she could see building on Andy's face. She gave Andy's hand a small squeeze, and decided to try a different tactic.

"How much do you remember about what happened?"

"What?"

"The day that landed you in here...how much do you remember? Do you remember seeing him?"

Andy's face scrunched up in confusion, and she looked over at her dad. She had no idea why, she knew he would know nothing about what happened – but she needed to avoid the way that Traci was looking at her – all sympathetic and big worried, compassionate eyes. She didn't get any respite from her dad, and cold anxious panic that had started to take up root in the pit of her stomach started to spread. She looked back at Traci in the hope that she would be able to decipher something in her friends gaze, but found nothing.

"I don't know...He was there, I talked to him – I know he was there, he got me out right?"

"No sweetie – he didn't. He tried to...he probably saved your life, but he wasn't the one who got you out of there."

"He's the last person I remember seeing...I don't...what do you mean?"

"Luke got you out. I think you were already unconscious by the time he got to you though."

"What about Sam?"

"We don't know exactly what happened..." Traci didn't know how to finish her sentence, nothing she could have said sounded right in her head. She looked over to Tommy in the hope that he would wade into the conversation and help her – because Andy's big brown eyes fixating on her face with a growing look of horror was not helping her thought processes. Andy followed Traci's gaze to her father's face, and he coughed slightly to clear his throat.

"He's in ICU. They're taking good care of him sweetheart – he's in the best possible hands."

"What? I don't..." Andy suddenly felt sick, very, very sick and winded – as if her dad had just knocked all of the oxygen out of her body and her heart and lungs were finding it harder and harder to function. She looked desperately back at Traci in the hope that her friend would disagree with the words her dad had just uttered, and this was just some kind of sick, cruel joke. It had to be a sick, cruel joke everyone had decided to play on her for screwing up. He was fine, he had to be fine...he had found her. He had found her, she remembered him finding her and talking to her – the calming words he had whispered to her...he was the one who came for her. "He's going to be ok right? Trace..."

"He's hanging in there."

"Have you seen him?"

"It's ICU Andy – restricted access, family only. They won't let any of us in."

"I need to see him."

Andy attempted to push herself up off her bed. She couldn't stop the yelp of pain from escaping her lips as she felt a hard sharp burning pain in her side and a razor sharp stabbing pain through her ribcage. Traci and Tommy were on their feet instantly – each taking a gentle but firm grip on each shoulder and pushing her backwards towards the mattress.

Traci held Andy's gaze and attempted to reason with her friend. "You can't – you have to stay put. You need to get better, ok? He's not on his own – Oliver called his sister, and she's been camped out by his bedside since she got here."

She tried to shake them off, tried really, really hard to and winched as she felt her injuries scream in protest through the fog of her pain medication. She needed to see him, talk to him, she just needed Sam. Andy broke eye contact with Traci and searched out her dad's gaze, pleading with him silently to understand, but he shook his head gently at her – issuing an apologetic smile. She hadn't realised she was crying until he reached down and gently wiped away her fallen tears with his thumb. Traci let go of Andy's shoulder as soon as she felt her slump back into the mattress in defeat – but Tommy kept his hand steady, using his thumb to rub reassuring patterns gently back and forth.

"How bad is it?" Andy's voice trembled badly, and Traci blinked furiously in an attempt to keep her own tears at bay.

"Multiple gun shot wounds...one to his leg, two to the stomach, and one to his chest. They're looking after him Andy...I promise you. You just have to hold onto that for now."

**A/N...**

**And there goes the last chapter upload from me for a few days! I found this really hard to write – to try and capture the emotion that I wanted, and I've tried to write it a few different ways...but this is the one that seemed to flow best, so it's the one I've put out there...hope you continue to enjoy...oh, and please review...It makes me so happy to find out what you think! xx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven.**

******A/N - Thank you guys for all the amazing comments, reviews and the alerts that have been coming my way! I wasn't sure I would be able to get this Chapter finished for a few days, with crazy life stuff happening - but you all blew me away so much that here it is! I'm working on the next installment for you now - I promise! Until then - as always, hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think.  
**

Luke attempted to slouch down even further in his booth and avoid the gaze of the other patrons – he really hated this place – the food was awful, coffee was foul and the service was even worse. Unfortunately, it was the closest suitable meeting spot for Andy – which was the reason he was now huddled over his half mug of coffee scowling at anybody that sat within a 5 metre radius of his current position. He added two extra spoonfuls of sugar to the brown liquid in front of him – hoping to make it a little bit more palatable and stirred away until he was sure he had almost broken through to the table. He was so focused on his coffee that he didn't even notice when she arrived, or sat down in the booth opposite him.

"Do you read coffee beans now...is that a new talent you're utilising on this case?"

He smiled automatically, and glanced up at the women sat opposite him – but his smile instantly faded as soon as he saw the horrific black eye, cut cheek and split lip opposite him.

"Jesus Andy! What the hell happened?"

"I attempted to get in the way of an organised gang rape of a fourteen year old girl...apparently this was my reward. It's fine – I'm fine...just cuts and bruises, they'll heal." She graced her statement with a small smile in the hope that he would let it rest.

"It doesn't look fine – have you had it checked out?"

"It worked. I couldn't exactly insist that they take me to St Pats...its fine – you should've seen me two days ago – did you check out that lead? – The Mason guy – did you find anything?"

Luke took in her hopeful gaze and battled a defeated sigh. "Yeah I did...the trail ran cold – it was dead end Andy. I'm pulling you out."

"What? No! What about Sarah? I can find the evidence Luke – just give me a bit more time."

"Not a chance! Look at you! It's too dangerous – these guys are head cases! We have enough to lock them up for a very long time...I'm not risking anything happening to you."

"Just let me have one more week...that's it. If I still haven't found anything then you can pull me...I'm close – I can feel it."

"Andy...it's a case that's years old...nobody has ever found anything yet, why would this be any different?"

"But you said..."

"I know what I said...I said there was a chance; I didn't say it would definitely work out. We have enough to shut them down Andy - lock them up for a very, very long time! "

Andy opened her mouth to argue back at him, but nothing came out, and a heavy atmosphere descended over their table; she wasn't ready to let him dismiss everything with one single sentence, but she wasn't quite sure what to say to make him change his mind.

"Don't worry about it – I'm sure Swarek won't hold it against you." Luke delivered his line with what appeared to be a genuine smile, but the bitter tinge his voice gave to Sam's name riled Andy's defences. If he had been any closer she was pretty sure she might even have hit him.

"This has nothing to do with Sam!"

"Really? Case file gives the name of Sarah Swarek...I'm pretty sure that's his sister."

"I can do this...ok?...me wanting to find justice for her has nothing to do with Sam...It has to do with me wanting to do my job."

"The leads have all run cold...I can't let you stay under based on a hunch."

"I'm just asking for one more week...that's it! Why are you being so difficult about this? – if it's about the budget then just don't pay my overtime!"

"It's just one person Andy...I can run a whole operation based on an attack on one girl, many years ago - that we have a minimal chance of solving!"

Andy's eyes flashed angrily at him, and she stared pointedly at him from across their booth - her lips pressed together in a tight line displaying the tension she was sending his way.

Luke held his hands up in surrender, "Ok – fine. One week – that gives you one week from today, and then we're moving in...whether you can make Sarah Swarek stick or not."

Andy nodded her head in acceptance, and gave him a small smile. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me – just...don't take unnecessary risks, and be careful."

"Always am."

"I have to go...I'm in court this afternoon. I'll call you and let you know what's going to happen next week as soon as we have everything in place – and let me know if you find anything."

Andy nodded her head again in acknowledgement, and Luke threw some crumpled notes on the table to cover his now cold coffee and made his way out into the street and the rain.

**...**

Sam paced back and forth outside Callaghan's office with a growing impatience and agitation. He had managed to peel some information from Jerry – who had admitted to Sam that Luke was pulling Andy out and she was coming home, but that was supposed to be yesterday. He had forced himself to wait a whole 24 hours before he found himself here, in the hope that she would be in touch – a call, message – something – but so far nothing. He had tried not to let it bother him, tried to act like he was taking it all in stride – but his friends had seen straight through him, seen the tension and his anxiety growing with each passing hour. He had been attempting to avoid concerned glances from Oliver all day, and his pointed questions over his required dim sum this afternoon had almost landed Sam's fist on his nose.

"Can I help you with something?"

Sam clenched his jaw and his fists simultaneously in an attempt to rein in his urge to hit something for the umpteenth time today, and turned around to face the blond haired, blue eyed detective who was currently standing behind him.

"Where the hell is McNally?"

Luke eyed the man in front of him through narrowed eyes, and tried to weigh up the best route to deal with the situation he found standing in front of him. The childish element of him really wanted to enjoy inflicting a little bit of pain, and lording his slightly more privileged situation over Sam Swarek but he could sense the tension bounding off him in waves, and he had received firsthand experience of the anger that he could unleash when it came to Andy – he didn't particularly want to go down that route again.

"You know I can't discuss this case with you."

Sam's eyebrows shot up so high in disbelief they practically disappeared into his hairline. "What case? I thought you had your case – you we're supposed to be pulling her out."

"Something came up." Luke pushed past him into his office, and dumped a box of old paperwork on his desk. He turned to reach for and shut the door, and felt his annoyance twinge when he discovered Sam had followed him in.

"Something came up?" Sam repeated his phrase back him, his words dripping in sarcasm.

"Yes – something came up. Who the hell told you I was pulling her out anyway? You can't go anywhere near this – I'm not letting you mess this up because you're missing your benefits!" Luke attempted to match the glare currently being levelled at him from across his office with one of his own.

Sam clenched his fists even tighter; turning his knuckles almost white and hissed "This is me not being anywhere near...and you still haven't answered the question." his voice was dangerously low, and displaying his very thinly disguised anger. There was no way he was going to let him weasel his way out of this conversation without giving him something.

"What can I say...she's just too good at whoring herself out, we're getting too much out of her to pull her back now." Luke faced out his provocation with a smirk – he didn't mean it, not even close – in fact he figured he was just as worried about her as Sam was – but he couldn't resist jibing him. He knew it was pathetic and childish – but it gave the jealous green eyed monster in him a huge amount of satisfaction.

Sam didn't really even register what came next – he saw red, and flew at Callaghan – that he knew. The next thing he knew Jerry and Oliver were attempting to pull him off the floor and far enough away from him that his fists could no longer make contact. He's pretty sure his elbow accidently made contact with the side of Oliver's face too – considering the way his hand was shielding it from view and the daggers he's flying in his direction.

Luke scrambled to his feet, and attempted to catch his breath – wiping blood from the side of his mouth and scowling in their direction. "Get him the hell out of here!"

**...**

Oliver gingerly placed another whiskey on the bar, and patted his friend on the shoulder. Sam didn't even acknowledge his friend – merely reached for the alcohol he offered, and downed it in one. Oliver raised his eyebrows in question – but didn't let the words pass his lips, he knew better. He pulled himself up onto the bar stool next to him and motioned to the bartender for two more. He saw his friend drink down five more glasses in very quick succession before he ventured into the murky depths of Sam's mind.

"Sam – she's ok."

"I know."

"We would know about it if something had gone wrong – she's fine."

"You would." The edge of Sam's lips turned up in a sardonic smile at that statement, and Oliver puffed out an exasperated sigh aimed in his friend's direction.

"She knows what she's doing – you trained her well."

Sam turned slightly and offered his friend a small nod in acknowledgement that didn't quite reach his eyes. "I'm sorry about that..." he grimaced and pointed at large purple bruise forming on the side of his friends face.

"You really went for him..."

"The guy's an idiot – he wound me up."

"You let him wind you up."

Sam shrugged non-committedly, and reached for another drink. He didn't want to be sober when he headed home tonight.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight.**

**A/N**

**I'm very sorry, uber – uber sorry that you guys have had to wait a while for this update. For some reason it really didn't want to flow – and I had a hard job getting it finished. I'm working on the next one now and promise I will get it posted for you ASAP – but as always...until then I hope you enjoy, and please...please...pretty please review! You know I love them! **

Andy's attention was drawn away from the trashy magazine article she was staring blankly at by a knock on the window. She was attempting to distract her mind with one of the several gossip magazines Traci had left her with on her last visit – but she couldn't quite make herself focus enough to make the whirring stop. The edge of her lips pulled up into a small smile as Oliver's head appeared around the door of her room with a wide smile.

"McNally! How you doing?"

"Fine – I'm fine. Come in."

Oliver shuffled in through the open doorway and made himself a seat on the edge of Andy's bed – waving some freshly baked goods under her nose. "I come bearing gifts...you hungry? The food in this place has to be getting to you by now – you need to keep your strength up."

Andy shook her head good naturedly at her visitor, but held back on the eye roll she felt should have been necessary."No I'm ok – thank you, but I'm really not hungry." She had to bite down on her bottom lip to stop a small laugh escaping her when Oliver shrugged his shoulders at her response, and proceeded to unpack his bakery bag of goodies, chowing down on the largest cinnamon roll she had seen in a very long time. Her amusement lasted all of about five seconds before she felt an instant wave of guilt, and her smile gave way to a worried frown.

"How's Sam?" If Andy hadn't been scrutinizing Oliver's response she wouldn't have even picked up on the tension suddenly appearing in his stance, but she had asked every person through her doorway about Sam and every single one of them had avoided her questions. After five days of not being able to get a straight answer out of anyone she was picking up on any sort of indication of Sam's condition – verbal or otherwise. She would have preferred verbal – it would have stopped the constant, worried, obsessive over thinking surrounding any bit of body language her visitors displayed – but if that was all she was getting, then that was what she was going to have to deal with.

Oliver glanced away from his cinnamon roll, and peered up at her face with a raised eyebrow in silent question and Andy huffed out a sigh in response.

"What?...Oliver I need to know...I need to know how he is – nobody is telling me anything, and I...It's not like they will even let me see him. I just..."

"You need to concentrate on getting better – they're looking after him McNally, you just have to sit tight."

"C'mon Oliver...seriously?" Andy hoped that the glare she was currently levelling at him would entice some kind of update from his mouth – she hoped it was as fierce as she was imagining in her head.

"McNally – I haven't seen him, I'm not allowed through the ICU doors...there is nothing you can do – ok? Just concentrate on getting yourself better."

"I can't...how am I supposed to concentrate on anything when nobody will tell me what's going on! Please Oliver..." Andy blinked fiercely several times in an attempt to stop tears of frustration from building. She didn't want to cry in front of Oliver – really didn't want him to think that she was not holding it together. She really tried to keep her emotional wreck melt downs to when she only had her IV and hospital pillows for company – but she was tired, really, really tired, frustrated and worried. It was really hard work trying to pretend that she wasn't. She felt a traitorous tear escape, and brushed it away angrily – taking a deep shaky breath to try and rein in her threatening meltdown before it did anymore damage. Oliver's gaze turned sympathetic and she averted her eyes, she was pretty sure she would not be able to deal with sympathy right now – it definitely wasn't helping the anxious ball of tension currently residing where her heart should have been.

Oliver allowed himself an exasperated sigh in defeat, and against his better judgement allowed himself to be dragged into having this conversation. "I spoke to Sarah yesterday..."

Andy's eyes returned to Oliver's face in a desperate attempt to try and read every bit of information he was offering her – verbal, and non – it was the most she had been able to get hold of all week. She offered him a small smile of encouragement, and despite her eyes still appearing glassy and damp they portrayed a slight amount of hopefulness that made Oliver regret instantly his concession to following this route of conversation.

"There hasn't really been any change...he's still..." Oliver huffed out another sigh, and distractedly rubbed his neck with his hand in a subconscious effort to dispel some of the tension he felt. "They tried to take him off the respirator because they ran some tests that indicated that he was breathing on his own."

"That's good right?"

Oliver suddenly became very intent on studying his hands, and it took a few seconds of silence before he could bring himself to answer her. "Yep – yeah that's good. He's breathing on his own, but he's still...he's hooked up to 100% oxygen – his oxygen levels were far too low, and he's still critical. He needs more surgery but they can't do anything until he's stable – or at least more stable than he is now. They're worried about internal bleeding. They couldn't fix everything as much as they should have when he went through surgery the first time because he was too unstable – and they haven't been able to stabilise him enough to be able to finish the job yet." Oliver glanced back up at Andy, and felt the knots in his stomach tighten when he saw her tears flowing freely. "Hey...McNally...he's going to be ok. He's a stubborn ass – he is going to be absolutely fine."

"I never should've...I knew he..." Andy battled for the use of her voice over her tear induced hyperventilation, but without much use and swiped at her tears with the back of her hand. Oliver reached over to her, took hold of her chin and forced her to look at him.

"McNally – he is going to be fine. None of this is your fault. You know that right? This stupid sorry mess is not your fault."

"Oliver..."

"Say it back to me. I want you to say it..."

"I...he..."

"It's not your fault McNally – say it."

"I called him." Andy shut her eyes and allowed the overwhelming waves of guilt that had been battering her ever since she had woken up in her hospital bed to overtake her. She had said it out loud now – there was no going back.

"What?"

Andy opened her eyes and was met with a mixed expression from Oliver – part shock and part confusion.

"I called him. I was scared, and I didn't know what to do. I tried to call Luke, but I couldn't get through and I...I screwed up. I was terrified, and I had no idea what to do...I called him. I knew that he would find me – I just...he was there because of me."

"McNally..."

"It was stupid...I was stupid, I just...I needed to talk to him. In my head it made sense – I thought he would know what to do...I just needed to talk to him, and...I never meant for him to..."

"McNally..." Oliver tried to gain her attention again, and this time it worked. "...this is not your fault. Sam is big enough, and ugly enough to take care of himself. You may have called him – but his decision to deal with the situation the way he did was his alone. You needed help, and you tried to get help – there is nothing else you could have done."

"but I knew he would..."

"Doesn't matter. He chose to do what he did...that was his decision. Whatever happened in that warehouse – he was the one who put himself in that position. It's not your fault."

"I..."

"I want to hear you say it Andy."

Andy averted her gaze and shook her head slightly in disagreement – but Oliver didn't relinquish his hold on her. Merely allowed her to process everything he said, and pulled her into a reassuring hug. She may not have been ready to acknowledge what he had said at this moment in time, but he would make sure that she would. He was also going to make sure that there was damn good reason why she had been unable to get hold of Luke Callaghan in the first place, and if there wasn't – then he was going to make sure that teeny detail made it into the incident report – if this whole sorry chain of events could have been avoided by Callaghan being reachable then he really would kick up sorry hell.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine.**

**A/N...and here is the next instalment – as promised. I hope it lives up to expectations! Please review and let me know what you think...your amazing feedback makes me type faster...as you can tell I'm not above bribery or begging – I'm now officially a review junkie! Hope you enjoy... Xxx**

"Please Trace..." Andy had finally decided enough was enough, she would do whatever it took to get her friend to agree to her plan, and pleading with her was first on the planned list of tactics after Traci had predictably and instantly vetoed her suggestion as soon as the words had left her lips.

"We can't...you're supposed to be on bed rest...Andy you're not well enough, I can't risk it."

"I'm fine."

A raised and questioning eyebrow was Traci's only response to her friend. She wasn't getting drawn into this...it was madness. If Andy didn't want to be concerned for her own welfare then she was just going to have to be.

"I'm not suggesting I sprint down there! I can stay put in the chair the whole time – that's no different to what I'm doing here. Please Trace...C'mon! I'm pretty sure all the wards here work the same shift pattern – that means we have fifteen minutes until shift change. It's the only time they are going to be distracted enough not to question us too much when we go in – and they won't even notice I'm gone from here for at least an hour – no one has to know...please...I need to see him! I need to see him, and I can't do it on my own!"

Traci let go of a defeated sigh and smiled slightly – shaking her head at her friend. "I can't believe I'm letting you talk me into this..."

Andy smiled instantly in response – if Traci had been any closer she was pretty sure she would have hugged her tight enough to stop her breathing, but she settled for a heartfelt "Thank you" instead.

"You promise me you're well enough for this – and I'm putting a time limit on it Andy. Thirty minutes, and I'm bringing you back."

"Yes, yes, yes...fine."

"Ok." Traci offered her friend a nod of agreement, and walked over to her door – peering out and down the hall before looking back at Andy's expectant gaze. "Ok...I'm going to try and borrow one of the wheelchairs at the nurse's station – I'll be back in five."

* * *

They rounded the corner of the hallway past the ICU waiting room, and the shift change briefing and Andy finally felt like she could breathe normally again. They had miraculously managed to make it past every possible checkpoint without too much of a problem – and she hadn't allowed herself to think this idea might actually work until now – she just wanted to feel like she had at least tried. Traci stealthily pushed Andy into a dark hallway corner – away from prying eyes, and moved around so that she was facing her friend.

"Ok...I'm just going to go and see if I can find which room he's in...I'll be right back – you just stay here."

Andy raised her eyebrow pointedly in response to the look that her friend gave her. "Where am I going to go Trace?"

"Do you want me to help you?"

"Yes – ok...just...go."

Andy watched her friend make her way down the long hallway in front of her, and she knew as soon as she had found him. She saw her pause and open the door and she felt like her heart missed a beat. She wanted to see him, she really did...but now that she was actually here she wasn't expecting to feel so conflicted. She could feel the anxiety that had been her constant silent companion for the past week increase its hold on her internal organs, and she was finding it difficult to breathe. She saw Traci close the door again and make her way back down the hall until she was stood in front of her, but she didn't really register her – her eyes were still focused on his doorway. It took a couple of minutes for her to register the fact that Traci was actually talking to her.

"Andy...hey...Andy? Are you sure this is a good idea – I can take you back...you don't have to..."

"Yes I do."

"Andy..."

"I need to see him..."

"Ok." Traci held her hands up to indicate surrender, moved around to the back of the chair and slowly pushed her down the hall. She wasn't entirely convinced this was a good idea, and she wanted to give her every opportunity to reconsider before they reached his door because then there would be no going back. She could understand where she was coming from, and she knew she would have felt the same way if she hadn't been able to see Jerry – but that didn't stop her being concerned for her. They made it to within about two feet of his hospital room door when a small squeak from Andy made her stop in her tracks. She manoeuvred the wheelchair into the side of the hall out of the way of people passing, and rounded to the front of it – kneeling in front of Andy and reaching out to take hold of her hand.

"Sarah..."

Traci stared back at her friend in confusion. "What?"

"Sarah...Sarah - Sam's sister. I've never even met her before...this isn't exactly how I hoped our first meeting was going to go...across a hospital room...hey – I'm Andy, the reason your brother is fighting for his life in an ICU unit...it's so nice to finally meet you!"

"Andy..."

"What? It's true! What am I supposed to say to her?"

"Andy..." Traci attempted to offer some reassurance by squeezing her friend's hand, and she tried to gain her friends distracted attention – but her panicked expression refused to acknowledge her.

"She's going to hate me...what am I going to say to her Trace? Seriously?"

"She's not here."

"What?"

"There's nobody in there...I don't know where she is, maybe she just needed to get some air – but there's nobody else in there...it's just Sam." Traci saw Andy's shoulders droop slightly as a bit of tension left her body, and she let out a small sigh. She reached out for her other hand and squeezed both of them, making sure she had Andy's full attention and decided to try one more time. "Are you sure you're up to this? I can take you back and we can try this another time Andy – it's ok if you don't want to do this yet."

Andy shook her head definitely in response, and took a deep shaky breath. Traci noted the unshed tears appearing in her friends eyes, and resisted the urge to reach out and hug her – she needed to wait for her to say the words, because if she couldn't speak the words to say that she was ok to do this then Traci was taking her straight back. "I need to see him."

Traci gave her a small smile and a slight nod of her head to indicate her acceptance, before standing up and taking a few steps backwards and pushing open Sam's door – wedging a chair under the handle so that she could keep it open long enough to push Andy's chair through and inside Sam's room.

* * *

Andy barely registered that Traci had left the room – she knew she had, she had felt her squeeze her shoulder lightly and just about registered something about giving her some time and being back in half an hour – but that was it. She had been too focused on her breathing and trying not to have a meltdown in front of her in the hope that it meant she would agree to helping her do this again. It had taken every inch of will power that she had to keep her tears at bay, and now that she knew she was alone with Sam there was nothing to stop them from falling. She reached for his hand and brought it up to her lips, grazing his knuckles with several light kisses before placing it back by his side – keeping her fingers tightly wrapped around his and giving his had a small reassuring squeeze in the hope that he would feel it and know that she was there. She tried to ignore the machines, and the incessant beeping from his pulse monitors and screens on the other side of his bed – and instead her eyes studied his face. He looked peaceful. She was glad there was no longer a respirator needed. There was nothing quite so obtrusive attached to him anymore, and if she ignored the rest of the wires and tubes attaching him to the other monitors and his oxygen supply she could almost make herself believe he was just sleeping.

"Hey..." almost make herself believe, but not quite...and the crack in her voice was physical evidence enough of that fact. She tried again; looking down at her hand wrapped around his and took a shaky breath. "Sam...I don't know if you can hear me. I hope you can. I really hope you can...and I really hope you're listening. You have to get better – I need you to get better and get through this – I need you." Andy squeezed his hand again as if to emphasize her point, and pulled it up to her lips again for another kiss. She started to absent-mindedly trace non-existent patterns on his arm with her other hand, something she used to do when he would wrap his arms around her while they were laid out on the couch watching TV, or on the rare occasions when she would wake before him and find his arms tightly wrapped around her and holding her to his chest. The realisation of what she was doing hit her like a tonne of bricks after a few minutes, and brought a fresh batch of tears in its wake.

Andy allowed herself to wallow in her tears for no longer than a couple minutes before she attempted to battle with her emotions her again. She was supposed to be here for him now – she needed to be the strong one. She let out an exasperated sigh, and relinquished her grip on Sam's hand – wiping away her tears and pulling a tissue from the box on his bedside cabinet in an attempt to stop her sniffling. She threw away her tissue in the waste paper basket beside the cabinet and placed both her hands on the side of his bed – using it as leverage to pull herself out of her chair. The pain of the movement made her catch her breath, and brought a fresh dampness to her eyes – she tried, but couldn't hold in the whimper caused the pain of moving – especially from her side, but she refused to let it to stop her in her tracks. She battled with herself until her body complied and she could eventually reach out her hand and run her fingers tenderly through Sam's hair. She leant forward so she could place a gentle kiss on his forehead, despite the protests she could feel from her injuries, and traced her fingers along his jaw. She battled against the pain of standing and leaning just long enough nudge his nose with her own – they way he always did with her, and kiss the tip of his nose. She whispered an "I love you" in his ear, kissed his cheek and then allowed herself to collapse back in her chair – reaching for his hand again, and attempting to breathe through the angry waves of pain that had managed to surface above her morphine. She was so focused on attempting to get some air into her lungs, and get over the pain induced bought of nausea swarming around her that she hadn't registered the door to Sam's room opening, or the footsteps. She hadn't registered anybody else appearing in his room until they offered a loud clearing of their throat in a way of announcing their presence. It was that sound that brought Andy's focus back into the room again, and her head whirled around in the direction of the door – eyes wide, and grip tightening on Sam's hand subconsciously.

"Hi."

"Hi...I'm sorry...I just...I needed...I just wanted to see him for a bit."

"You don't have to apologise." Sarah offered her a small warm smile, and a glimpse of the infamous Swarek dimples – which instantly pulled a small smile from Andy in response.

"I'm Andy..."

"I know." Sarah pulled a chair from the corner of the room across to the other side of Sam's bed, and took a seat. "He's doing ok you know...so they tell me. I mean considering everything" Sarah waved her arms around the room in a physical indication of her point. "He's a tough cookie my brother – always had to be. He's breathing without machines now...kind of...he's getting there slowly. I think he secretly likes the attention."

Andy started to feel uncomfortable. She appreciated the fact that Sarah was attempting to reassure her, but the worry behind her words was still plain to see and as a result only served to heighten the guilt she already felt for the whole situation. The combination of that along with the silence that had now fallen over the room only served to make her even more agitated and she felt the need to explain herself.

"I'm sorry...I'm really not great at hospitals, even being a patient in one – but...I...this wasn't exactly how this was supposed to happen, and I was kind of hoping to meet you under slightly less stressful circumstances – a lot less stressful actually – well still a little bit stressful, because I know how important you are to Sam and that would..." Andy took note of the perplexed expression gracing Sarah's features and inwardly grimaced at herself.

"...I'm sorry...I ramble a lot when I'm nervous... I just...you should know that..." Andy attempted to gain some control back over her vocabulary with a few deep breaths and tried again. "I guess what I'm trying to say is...I'm really crazy about your brother. Ridiculously crazy actually..."

"I know that too." Sarah grinned widely at the girl sat opposite her. "He told me you were allergic to silence."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten.**

Andy tried to take several deep breaths to try and quell the adrenaline coursing through her veins, and also to try and focus her mind on the task at hand; it was currently whirling at five hundred miles an hour and she really, really needed to focus. She lifted her hand to the door and pushed it open slightly...by just a crack, in an attempt to find some kind of clue as to where she was. It had to be some kind of warehouse – but the room she found herself in when she finally came around from the side of her head being smashed in did not look familiar to her at all – admittedly it was almost pitch black, and she could barely see a thing. The sight on the other side of the door made her blood run cold...she almost wished she hadn't looked. Five women hanging from the ceiling stared lifelessly back at her – five women that she knew – that she had been talking to this morning. There was blood everywhere...far, far too much blood. She backed away from the door in horror, and kept walking backwards until her back hit the opposite wall – startling herself and whirling around to the side, she came face to face with another pair of lifeless eyes and her hand reflexively flew up to her mouth to stifle a scream before it even made its way into her throat. Her body reacted automatically to the mixture of horror, adrenaline and the exploding pain in her head and she just about stumbled over to the corner of the room before emptying the entire contents of her stomach, and sinking to the cold damp floor as her legs gave way from underneath her.

* * *

"Sam...I need a word – my office, now."

Frank barrelled past Sam at the coffee machine at break neck speed, and it took him about 2 minutes to realise that he had actually spoke to him – let alone what he said. By the time he had actually registered the words Frank had been in his office, thrown some papers down on his desk, and barrelled out onto the stairs outside his office again in a fury. "Swarek...NOW!"

"Right – right." He abandoned his coffee in the nearest bin, and jogged over to his office – pulling open the glass doors and following him inside. Oliver and Jerry eyed each other with raised eyebrows across the room, and gathered by the coffee machine in an attempt to see what was going on.

"What'?" Sam turned to face his boss, and waited...he waited for what he thought was going to be a dressing down from him about brawling with Callaghan – it had been 4 days ago, and if it had taken Frank that long to get round to hauling his butt across the coals then fatherhood had really mellowed him. The longer his Staff Sergeant stood in front of him not saying anything the more he realised that although there was a flash of anger in his expression it was not the main emotion evident, it was concern – concern and worry. Sam's stomach dropped to the floor. "Frank?"

Sam's attention was distracted momentarily by a flurry of activity outside in the pen and a hoard of uniform cramming into the parade room for a briefing including Oliver, as well as Jerry and Nash. He looked back at Frank and attempted to ignore the horrible icy panic spreading through his veins – he was over reacting, everything was fine...Andy was fine – the mass gathering had to be to do with something else, had to be... "Frank, what's going on?"

Frank attempted to school his expression into one of neutrality, and shift into management mode. He couldn't do this if he kept thinking of the man in front of him as a friend. "I need your badge."

"What?" Sam's expression turned into one of confusion.

"Your gun and your badge...I need you to give them to me."

"What? Why?"

"I need you to give them to me, and then you are going to take a seat – right here, and not move. Don't go anywhere...I don't want you leaving the station – under any circumstances. Do you understand me?"

Sam's mind went momentarily blank – he wasn't completely sure he heard him properly, in fact he would have been pretty sure he misheard him if it wasn't for the fact that he was standing in front of him with his hand outstretched – waiting for him to pass the requested items over. His heart started stuttering and hammering painfully against his ribcage – and the edges of his vision started to blur – this wasn't happening. "Frank..."

"It's not a request Sam."

"Where is she?" He knew...he knew as soon as Frank had looked at him when he walked in here, and if he thought he was just going to sit around twiddling his thumbs and wait for news he had another think coming. He clenched his fists in an unconscious effort to control the anxiety and tension now bounding through his blood stream, and he knew he was breathing far too quickly...in fact he was pretty sure he was on the edge of hyperventilating.

"Sam..."

"Where is she?"

"We are going to find her – you are staying here."

"Like Hell! What do you mean find her?...how did anyone lose her!" If it had been anyone else other than Frank blocking his exit they would have been laid out and he would have been in a squad car on his way out of here before now...he was almost tempted to try it anyway.

"I will call you as soon as I have any news. Gun and badge Sam."

"You can't expect me to just..."

"Sam! I'm not asking! I will lock you in holding if I have to – give them to me."

He knew there was no point in arguing, it wasn't going to get him anywhere – he knew there was no way he was going to be able to change Frank's mind – but he had to try anyway. "What am I going to do? I'm not completely incompetent – I can do my job. C'mon Frank...it's me."

"I know. You're staying here."

Sam clenched his jaw, and just about held back on a growl of frustration. He attempted to take a couple of deep breaths in an effort tried to pull himself together – losing his temper in front of Frank was not going to aid his cause. He pinched the bridge of his nose, and huffed out a shaky breath before trying again. He couldn't not be involved in this...not knowing anything was worse, much worse than knowing what was happening – he had seen the case files, they had been causing him regular nightmares for the past two and a half weeks, he didn't want to just be left loitering here with their images on a constant repeat through his head."Frank...you can't keep me out of the loop on this...I can help..."

Frank stepped towards him – and held out his hand again. He was done talking, he didn't have time to have a discussion about it – he was worried enough about Andy as it was, and he really didn't want to have to worry about Sam as well. He levelled the glare being thrown at him from Sam with one of his own – it was not open for discussion. If he had been unsure of his decision – which he wasn't, but if he had been – the anxiety and tension radiating off Sam at this point in time would have made his decision for him. If she was hurt there was no way he wouldn't be able to guarantee the officer stood in front of him wouldn't go off the deep end. He hoped against hope that it wouldn't come to that, but right now he couldn't be sure. "Do I look like I'm asking?"

Sam wanted to argue with him, wanted to change his mind...actually he wanted to punch him for even thinking about trying to block him out – but the increased churning in his stomach told him there was no way he could avoid this, even if he didn't want to accept it. He let out a tense sigh...the air escaping his lungs sounded more like a hiss, and averted his gaze. He un-holstered his gun – and tossed it onto Frank's desk behind him, along with his badge. Frank nodded in acknowledgement, gathered them up and offered a parting statement of "Stay here...we'll find her," before turning and walking out the door – stopping to collect a small gaggle of uniformed colleagues on his way – one of them being Oliver, who eyed Sam through the glass before he left – offering him a nod of promise and reassurance as he met his gaze.

Frank made a pit stop at the front desk on his way out to instruct Noelle that "Under no circumstances was she to let Sam leave, and if he did anything...anything even hinting at the fact that he might try and get involved in this mess she was to call him."

Sam watched them leave, he had attempted to issue a small smile of acknowledgement to Oliver – but was pretty sure that it looked more like a grimace. He allowed his legs to give out under him and slumped into the chair – buried his head in his hands, and attempted to regulate his breathing...he swallowed thickly and battled against the nausea swarming through him, before standing up again on his shaky legs and hurling the chair across the room at desk. He stood and glared at the destruction for a couple of minutes before stalking out of the office and towards one of the few officers still here that he knew...Noelle and front desk.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven.**

**A/N...well hello folks! Thank you again for the reviews, alerts, all the goodness you have been sending my way – as always, I am a junkie and love your feedback!...as a reward – brace yourselves...hope you enjoy and here goes... (Oh yeah...please review!)**

Andy reached down and unzipped her boot with shaking hands to pull out her phone...took a deep breath to try and calm down...took several, and pushed in the speed dial. "This is Detective Callaghan – leave me a message." Andy took her phone away from her ear at the speed of lightening, as if it had burned her, and stared at the screen in disbelief. If she hadn't been trying desperately to hold onto her sanity she may have actually laughed, humourlessly – but still laughed. She hung up and tried again – she had to have pushed the wrong button, either that or she was in the middle of a nightmare and really needed to wake up. "This is Detective Callaghan – leave me a message" – nope, not the wrong button...she suddenly found it very difficult to breathe...

"Shit! Luke?"...she let her head fall back against the wall, and a small tear of despair escaped from her tightly shut eyes...voicemail...idiot...idiot, idiot, idiot! Now what was she supposed to do. "Luke...I need...something happened, and I need...I'm in some kind of warehouse...I really hope you know about this already because I have no idea where, and I have no idea if anyone else is still here...It would be really great if you could call me back...or even come breaking through the doors with a takedown team and lock this place down...sometime soon...". Andy hung up the phone, and pulled herself up onto shaky legs – she had to find a way out of here before she drove herself crazy. She had migrated out into the larger room – the one housing her 'friends' from the ceiling, and tried to get out through the double Iron doors closing her in. There was no handle on the inside, and they were locked...there was no budging them...she had spent half an hour trying, and they hadn't shifted an inch. Even though she knew it was pointless, she tried again – there was no other way out that she could find...the air vents were all far too small for her to fit through, and she had no idea where they went – although in a moment of true horror she had considered trying...she would rather die wedged in one of them than sit around here waiting for the people who had caused the scene before her to come back and finish the job. She ran at it, kicked, punched, pushed and shoved until she had nothing left and crumbled to a heap on the floor trying to force herself to keep breathing – her mind was blank, she had run out of options and started running on autopilot – finally letting the panic fully take hold, and then the tears came...full blown, body wracking sobs. It was that autopilot that had her reaching for the phone again, and dialling one of the few numbers she knew by heart.

"Yeah?"

She heard his voice but it took a long couple of seconds before it registered through the fog in her brain. "...Sam?"

* * *

He thought his heart had stopped when the phone rang, that it had actually stopped beating and he found it difficult to breathe – he didn't even check the caller ID – just answered, without thinking. If he found it difficult to breathe before...that was nothing compared to the weight settling in his chest at the sound of her voice. The broken way she had whispered his name might just as well of been a knife violently stabbing through his ribcage and aimed straight at his heart. He stood on unsteady legs, and made his way out of Noelle's line of vision – he was pretty sure that any colour that may have still be present in his face had drained away, and he felt sick again...seriously sick – she was observant...the best kind of observant, and he knew if she laid eyes on him right now that she would know. "Where are you?"

Sam's question was met with silence on the other end of the line – not silence exactly, but not words. He could hear her breathing...shaky and heavy, and he could sense the tears. "Andy? Andy talk to me – where are you?"

"I screwed up...their dead Sam...all of them...I..."

Sam sucked in a harsh breath in an attempt to get some oxygen into his brain, and force his mind to block out the internal review of the case files that had been running through him for the past two hours. He tried again. "Where are you?"

"...I don't know..."

He held back on punching his fist through a wall – and tried to use the anxiety within to channel into focus. "Everyone's looking for you sweetheart – but you got to give us something to go on? Anything...look around you."

"It's some kind of warehouse..."

"Ok – good. Anything else?"

"I'm locked in...I'm locked in and I can't get out. It's cold, dark and it stinks." She was back.

"Of what?"

"Dead people – Sam I have to get out of here!"

"You will...we're going to find you, just sit tight." He took a deep breath, and steeled himself before the next batch of words left his mouth. "Are you hurt...?"

"No...Not really...I'm fine."

"What does not really mean?"

"Nothing...I got hit on the head – but its fine."

"Fine – fine? Or your version of fine?"

"Fine...Sam...I can hear birds...it sounds like geese, and water...and traffic."

"Ok – good, that's good – anything else?"

Nothing on this earth could have prepared him for what happened next, she must have dropped the phone – he heard it clatter to the floor – but that wasn't the part that terrified him to his very core – the thing that did that was hearing her scream – it was muffled, like something was covering her mouth – but it was definitely a scream. A scream and a scuffle and then the phone went dead.

**A/N...Sorry it's a short one...and yes I know I'm horribly mean ending it here *Mwahahaha*...that's my evil laugh by the way ;o) ...I'm working on the next update for you I promise...until then you know what to do...hit that button! **


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

**A/N – How mean of me would have been to leave you hanging on that? I'm not that cruel...and I'm away for a couple of days, and didn't want to keep you waiting until I got back...voila! Thank you a squillion for all the reviews, PM's, Alerts...squillions! Xxxx**

"Where's Swarek?" Noelle accosted the first person she came across as soon as she had a chance to step away from the front desk. She had just spent the past 45 minutes dealing with a hysterical mother complaining about her child nearly being mowed over by a speeding police car – and he had disappeared from her view about 15 minutes in. It was all she could do not to shove the women into a chair and explain to her that she should tell her child not to run out in front of blue light – sirens and blue lights meant emergencies. "Would you like an officer responding to your home after a 911 call to stick to the speed limit?" – She really did not have the patience today. It was her first shift back after Elsa – a KIT (keep in touch) day...boy did she know how to pick them.

"On the phone – headed that way." Noelle nodded a thank you at the officer in question, and followed his indication through into the pen – where she saw Sam frantically turning the D's office upside down through the glass. She picked up her pace – into a run, and reached the door just as he upturned another box of paperwork on Callaghan's desk.

"Sam...?" He didn't acknowledge her...didn't even look up, so she tried again. "Sam? Sam?" That did it...he turned at looked at her that time – an exasperated and desperate expression on his face. "What are you doing?"

"There is nothing here!...it's all crap – where the hell are the property listings?"

"Sam..."

"Don't...don't even...if the next words out of your mouth have anything to do with me keeping away then don't even bother."

"I can't let you do this."

A small bark of laughter escaped him, but it was humourless – dark and biting, before he clenched his jaw and ground out his words – laced in bitterness, his eyes flashing a barely controlled anger at his friend. "Do what? I can't find anything...there is nothing here!"

Sam pulled his phone back out of the pocket on his vest and dialled Frank's number, glaring at Noelle while waiting for him to pick up – clenching his free hand into a fist in an attempt to stop it from shaking. He answered on the second ring – "Sam?"

"It's a warehouse – you need to be looking for a warehouse...somewhere near water, somewhere near traffic."

"What? Sam..."

"Get all that?"

"Yeah...how the hell...?" Sam hung up the phone without waiting for him to finish his question, and turned back to the boxes of paperwork now strewn all across Luke's desk.

* * *

"Are you there?"

"Yeah – setting up a unit in the parking lot round back and Callaghan's briefing everyone as I speak...how's Sam doing?"

"You should be able to tell for yourself in – I would say about 10 minutes based on the speed he charged out of here."

"What? Noelle..."

"Hey! I tried ok...wild horses couldn't keep him away from this! He needs to feel like he's doing something Frank...he found the property listings in a case file – he knows where you are. Just let him be there..."

"You know it's never that simple..."

"I'm sorry – even if I wrapped myself around him and begged him he still would have found a way to get out the door."

"Ok – I'll deal with it." Frank snapped his phone closed and made a beeline straight for Oliver, who was currently marking out their perimeter on the edge of the parking lot. "Shaw...When Sam gets here I need you to keep him away from that building...I don't care if you have to cuff him to the railings...this is as close as he gets – got it?"

"What?" Oliver's eyebrows rose, and he looked at him as though he was crazy, actually maybe a little bit past the point of being crazy. "Frank...?"

"I don't have time to discuss it – just do it."

* * *

Oliver saw the lights before he really registered the car – tires squealing to a halt about two feet away from him, and the door was flung open so harshly it nearly fell off its hinges. He took a deep breath to steel his nerve, and attempt to calm the inner turmoil churning in his stomach – this was not good, definitely not good. He hot footed it towards the driver door – arms outstretched in a physical signal of the fact that he needed Sam to stay exactly where he was and attempted to dig deep and pull something from his head that would stop his friend in his tracks.

"Sam...Sammy...brother...you're not going in there – they have it under control ok? Callaghan, ETF – the whole kit and caboodle – if you're staying on site you're staying right here. Sam? Sam?"

Sam only vaguely registered Oliver's presence – the corner of his mind acknowledged it somewhere, and he may have picked up on the odd few words..."control...Callaghan, ETF...caboodle...here" but that was about it. He was too focused on the making it to the broken door at the side of the building – with the sound of Andy's scream still playing a torturous loop in his head. He only stalled momentarily when he felt something connect with his chest and attempt to push him back, pulling him back to his immediate surroundings and he took one step back – narrowing his eyes in disbelief at the face in front of him.

"I mean it Sam...Orders. You have to stay put – they're going to get her out of there."

"What?" He glanced over Oliver's shoulder to the gathering of uniforms and units he could see on the other side of the lot – his response came out dangerously low, and Oliver knew he was extremely close to Sam connecting his fist with his nose. "They're stood around doing nothing..."

"C'mon Sam...You know how these things work – they know what they're doing." Oliver attempted to level a look at his friend that said he would not budge, not back down – but the level of the glare he got back made him take a subconscious and precautionary step back.

"Oliver...get out of the way." It was a growl...he was growling at one of his closest friends, and was very close to the line of reaching out to throttle him – but he didn't care. If he didn't move soon he was pretty sure he might actually have to kill him with his own bare hands.

"I can't do that."

"I'm not asking...move!" Sam attempted to move around him, but Oliver mirrored him – stepping to the side, and blocking him in his tracks. Sam clenched both his fists and his jaw at the same time in an attempt not punch him – he honestly did not want to hit him, but he wasn't making it very easy. "What the hell is wrong with you? Back off!"

"I know it may not seem like it now, but this is for the best."

"Shaw...I will make you move – get out of the way."

"You're going to have to make me."

"Oliver – If you don't move in the next five seconds...so help me god..."

"Sammy...you can't do this...she's fine, she's going to be fine – if you go storming in there you're just going to make things ten times worse – they don't even know if the building is clear yet."

Sam's barely reigned in anger took on an incredulous edge – and the tightly coiled spring in his stomach unravelled slightly. "Fine?...she's FINE? Oliver..."

He couldn't finish his sentence – he wasn't even sure he knew what he was trying to say, and he made a move to navigate around his friend again – only this time when Oliver moved to block him he didn't stand a chance, and was left for dust – on the floor, jaw hanging open (possibly from the slight level of shock over the fact that Sam's fist had connected with his jaw – or the force of the hit) and couldn't even find his voice to shout after him as he disappeared into the side of the warehouse – entirely un-detected by those working on the other side of the car lot. He pulled himself to his feet, and dusted off his pants – but left his stomach on the floor - he knew this was going to be bad.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

**A/N – I'm back! Did you miss me? Here we go...one more instalment for you guys – as always, I hope you enjoy...and please hit that review button and let me know what you think! Thanking you muchly! Xxx**

"Shaw? Where's Swarek? I need to talk to him..." Frank came to an abrupt halt when he saw the expression on his Officers face – Luke (who had been following his footsteps) had to apply his own breaks sharply to avoid stumbling into the back of him. "Oliver?"

"I tried Frank – I really did. It's Sam." Oliver raised his eyebrows and shrugged his shoulders in an indication that he should already know the answer to his own question.

"Don't even tell me..." Frank glared at Oliver in disbelief – he really did not want to have to deal with this. He reached for his radio and attempted to gain some kind of response from his AWOL officer, "Swarek? Sam? Sam ?...Sam you better get back out here before...I swear to God Sam you will not know what kind of hell will be coming your way when I see you...Sam?"

Oliver leaned towards his Staff Sergeant – almost as if he was sharing a secret, "I think he's probably turned it off...I told him we didn't know if the building was clear, so he's probably thinking he doesn't want to draw too much attention to himself."

"Too much attention? What? He's inside the building?" Luke looked back and forth between the two men – confusion knotting his brow. "What is he even doing here? I told him he couldn't go near this thing."

"You got McNally involved didn't you?" Oliver shared his statement with Luke as if he was explaining the obvious to a small child.

"Please tell me he hasn't gone through that door unarmed."

Oliver's attention returned to his Staff Sergeant following that statement – confusion detailed in his features. "What? Why would he be unarmed?"

"I have his gun. I took it, along with his badge, in an effort to try and avoid this very situation..."

"I don't know...I...he didn't..." Oliver stumbled over his words, while desperately trying to recall if his friend was carrying a weapon on his belt as he disappeared from sight – but to no avail, his anxious state increasing tenfold with this new piece of information.

Frank pulled a phone out of his pocket and dialled Noelle, not even issuing a greeting when she answered – and hoping against hope that she would not tell him what he really didn't want to hear. "Please tell me Sam picked up a gun from the lock boxes before he left – or somewhere...even if he harassed somebody into handing their own over...I don't care...just please tell me he didn't walk out the station unarmed."

"What? No...I don't think...As far as I know he didn't take anything, he just took off out the door. Why? What's going on? Frank?"

"Hell...that is what today is going to be...my own personal version of hell...I'll call you later." He hung up the phone and turned to Callaghan. "How long do we have to wait before we can get in there?"

* * *

Sam swallowed harshly, and attempted to force himself to keep moving forward – making a mental note to breathe through his mouth and not his nose – it really did stink in here. He slowly pushed through the third doorway – making sure the route was clear before stepping forward again, and tried to ignore the dead bodies of the women hanging from the rafters – and the blood – neither where helping his anxiety levels or his worry, and he really didn't want to see them too closely. The thought briefly entered his head that one of them could have been Andy, before he shoved it right to the back of his head...refusing to consciously consider it, and forcing himself to make his way to the fourth doorway – hanging off its hinges at the back of the room. He turned around sharply after hearing a scuffle behind him, only to see a rat scurry across the floor – he noticed the double doors he had just made his way through could only be opened from the opposite side, and wondered if they were the doors that had locked her in. He resisted the urge to call out to her...not knowing how close at hand any of the sick bastards responsible for the scene before him could be.

He peered around the hanging door – unconsciously reaching for his gun when he saw the outline of another body silhouetted against the slim pickings of daylight streaming in through the air vent on the far side of the wall – and felt his stomach drop when he realised that it wasn't there...it was that moment his brain chose to remember the minor detail of his Staff Sergeant removing his gun from his possession a few hours earlier – he cursed himself under his breath, but still kept walking slowly forward – keeping his back up against the wall and keeping himself as close to the shadows as possible. The closer he got the more clear it became that the silhouette belonged to another dead woman...blonde and young, with a gruesome knife wound around her neck from ear to ear. He felt his stomach churn again – one thing he hoped he would never get used to was the reaction he felt on the discovery of a dead body. It was at that point that he saw her – leaned up against some convection piping, with her head slumped forward awkwardly onto her chest – hair covering her face, and all of his oxygen supply suddenly evaporated from his body.

Sam wasn't exactly sure how he made it from the entranceway over to now be kneeling in front of her...if anyone had asked him how it happened he wouldn't have been able to tell them – he went into auto pilot mode – his brain not consciously thinking, body just reacting – needing to get to her. He reached a shaky hand out towards her – sweeping back the hair that was covering her face, and puffing out a violent hiss of air when he saw the dried blood covering the left side of her face and the angry purple bruise that was forming on her right cheekbone. She was breathing, it was laboured, but she was breathing – that much he registered before he reached for her – but her eyes were closed, mouth covered in gray industrial duct tape. He gingerly peeled the tape from her mouth, and placed a hand on either side of her face lifting her head up and shaking her slightly in an attempt to get her eyes to open – he needed her eyes to open, desperately needed her to respond to him. "Andy...? Andy...wake up! McNally...open your eyes...C'mon sweetheart – talk to me. Andy?"

He shook her a little harder the second time, slapping her lightly on her unbruised cheek in an attempt to get her to come around – unconscious and head injury did not go well together, and he refused to think of all the possibilities that could indicate. "McNally! Andy please...look at me...open your eyes...Andy?" She mumbled something incoherently and scrunched up her nose in protest – but her eyes remained closed. Sam resisted the urge to kiss her in relief, and tried again – he needed to see her eyes open. "That's it...talk to me...Andy...open your eyes sweetheart. I need you to open your eyes, and keep them open...look at me." He placed one hand underneath her chin, and lifted her head a little more – using the other hand to run his fingers through her hair and tuck it behind her ear – it was an subconscious effort to comfort her – she always loved him playing with hair. Her eyelids fluttered, and slowly opened – peering up at him, and he let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding.

"Sam?"

"Hey..." He gave her brief small smile in greeting, which disappeared almost instantly as she tried to move towards him – a whine of agony involuntarily escaping her lips, and her face twisted in pain. His hand that had been under her chin moved instantly to grip her shoulder in an attempt to keep her still. "It's ok...don't try and move – I'm going to get you out of here, just stay still. Where does it hurt?"

It took Andy a couple of long seconds of attempted deep breaths before she could even attempt put a response together – waiting for the waves of throbbing pain to disappear. She wasn't even sure where they were coming from. "Everywhere...I can't move my arms – I think they..." her voice was shaky and breathing ragged and she couldn't finish her sentence before tears began to pool in her eyes.

"Ok...ok." Sam ran his hands up and down her arms a couple of times in an attempt to reassure her – and then scooted closer in an attempt to get a closer look at what he was dealing with. Her right leg did not look good...it looked like it was broken – in fact he was sure it was broken – the angle of it resting on the floor didn't suggest much else. She was covered in cuts and bruises – some angry bruises in the shape of finger marks were emerging around her neck and he averted his eyes from that before he felt the need to hunt down the animal that had done this to her and tear him apart limb by painful limb. He allowed one of his hands to slide down to her waist – feeling the movement from her ribcage just above with each breath in an attempt to re-assure himself that she was going to be fine, and then shuffled around to peer over her shoulder to discover that they hadn't just tied her to the pipe work – she was chained. Big, thick industrial chains bound tightly around her wrists – tight enough to make any kind of movement difficult – and his stomach dropped. This was not going to be easy. He shifted back around to Andy's line of vision – and lifted her gaze to him again – his fingertips tracing her jaw and lifting her head to make her look at him again. "I need to do something with these pipes Andy – they've locked you in pretty tight...I'm still gonna be right here...just..." his words died on his lips, and his eyes grew wide...his hand was covered in blood – fresh, wet, bright blood. He let go of her jaw and reached down to her side where his hand had been resting a few moments earlier, pulling her black vest top up – using his other hand to tug the waistband of her black mini skirt down – and his heart started hammering painfully against his ribcage –he could hear his pulse roaring dangerously in his ears, as he attempted to force himself to breathe...that was a lot of blood...

"Sam...?" her voice was barely above a whisper, shaky and broken and oozed vulnerability - it brought his focus right back to her face and he let out a shaky sigh before attempting what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

"It's fine...you're gonna be fine Andy – it's just a scratch. It's fine." His hands worked quickly, despite their tremors – stripping his vest, followed by his shirt and his belt. He needed to apply pressure – he pulled his black t – shirt over his head – ripped it into more manageable sized pieces of fabric and pressed it against the wound – hard, and grimaced when she yelped. He found her gaze again "its fine, we just have to keep pressure on it – you're gonna be fine." He used his belt to hold the fabric in place, and pulled it as tight as he possibly could – forcing another hole through the leather before fastening it. He pulled his uniform shirt back on, and cupped her face in his hands – wiping away her fallen tears gently with his thumb. She leaned into his touch, and he leaned forward – ghosting his lips across hers in the briefest of kisses. He pulled back slightly, and his voice raspy with emotion. "I need to get you out of these chains...I'm gonna be right behind you...just keep talking to me."

"About what?"

"Anything...I don't care...Traci's latest shopping expedition, your favourite nursery rhymes – whatever comes into your head. You can count sheep if you want – just keep talking to me...ok?"

Andy nodded her head once slightly in understanding. "Mmm...Okay."

Sam reluctantly let go of her, and moved to the side in an attempt to wedge around the back of the piping and figure out how the hell he was supposed to get her out of her chains – or at least free her from the restraints enough that he would be able to move her.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

"I haven't seen her in forever – she's a mum now, has a little boy...Bryce. Maybe we could...go visit, for like a weekend. You could put up with the country for a weekend right...? It's really pretty – they live right by the lake...Sam?"

Sam tried to form a sentence of reply to her in his head, while attempting to breathe past the desperation and panic starting to take hold of him – he must have spent at least fifteen minutes trying to separate the pipes through the only join he could see – it was the only way he could think of to be able to free her – because there was no way he would have been able to get her hands out of the chains without actually cutting through them – they weren't budging – not even slightly. "Yep...Collingwood...I can do Collingwood." He tried again – putting the whole of his body weight behind him – and they didn't even creak. "Shit..." Sam reached for his vest and pulled his phone out of the pocket, but Andy distracted him before he dialled.

"Sam...?" Her voice was too quiet and it made his stomach drop – it had been gradually getting quieter, but when she spoke his name it was more like a whisper – a breathy, trembling whisper and desperate.

"Yeah?"

"Would you hold it against me if I said I loved you right now...because I've lost a lot of blood...and..."

Sam's heart lurched into his throat, and he abandoned his phone on the floor – moving around to kneel in front of her and cupped her face in his hands – forcing her to look at him. She offered him a small shaky smile, but it didn't come anywhere close to registering in her eyes and he forced himself to speak past the lump in his throat. "Don't..."

"But..."

"I mean it Andy..."

"I do..."

"You're going to be fine. You don't get to do this...ok? I'm gonna hold it against you – I swear I will."

"I'm sorry..."

"You don't need to be."

"I missed you."

"I missed you too." Sam reached out a trembling hand and brushed her hair out of her eyes, and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before lifting her eyes to his again. "You are going to be fine...there is a whole takedown team outside, and between the lot of us we are getting you out of here."

"Stay?"

"What?"

"Stay with me?...I'm cold. I'm cold, and it hurts – and I...please?"

"I'm not going anywhere."

Andy nodded at him and attempted a smile – before allowing her eyelids to droop closed. She had been fighting with herself to keep them open, but she just needed to close them for a second – they were too heavy, and she was tired...really, really tired.

"No...no, no, no, no, no. Andy...You need to keep your eyes open, look at me."

"I'm tired."

"I know you are, but you can't sleep. You just need to hold on for a little bit longer – you can sleep for a week once we get you out of here. Open your eyes – C'mon."

"Mmmhmmmm"

"Andy...please...McNally – open your eyes, I'm not asking."

Andy forced her eyes open – or at least as much as she could, which meant they were still half closed – but it was as much as Sam was going to get, and he was just happy with the fact that she was looking at him again.

"I'm trying."

"I know you are...you have to keep trying ok?"

"What's taking them so long?"

"I have no idea – they know what they're doing, you just have to hold on ok – keep your eyes open for me. I'm right here with you – I'm going nowhere."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"I do love you." The way he looked at her then almost broke her heart – she knew he was trying to keep it together for her, but his eyes gave him away; gave away the concern, and the fear and the love. She knew he loved her – didn't doubt it for a second, even though he never actually said the words out loud – he showed her, every single day. She wasn't so demonstrative with her feelings though, and up until today had never said the words out loud. She was fully aware that this may not end well – and she needed him to know, needed him to know how much he meant to her.

"Andy..."

"I know...I know you don't want me to say it, and you don't have to say it back – but it's true. I want you to know how I feel."

"You can say that to me when we get you out of this hellhole...you can't...don't do this to me...I know. Ok...I know..."

"I just want you to know..."

"I know...ok...stop. Stop it now – you're going to be fine."

Sam reached for his phone again and dialled Oliver's number. It was picked up before the first ring was even through, but it wasn't his friend that answered the phone.

"What the hell are you doing?! Do you even have a gun on you...? Do you have any idea what you're doing...you need to get back out here before this goes even further south than it already has...Sam? Sam?"

"Frank..."

"Are you listening to me? I don't see you walking out through a doorway...are you trying to send me to an early grave!"

"I can't."

"What!?"

"What the hell are you doing out there? She needs a medic Frank...I can't move her, and she..."

"It's complicated...we can't move in yet."

"Well un-complicate it."

"Sam – I promise you we will get her out of there as soon as we can, but you need to leave. You need to leave and get back out here now...the building isn't clear – in fact, we're sure that they're still in there and you're not even armed."

"No."

"Sam..."

"I'm staying with her until you get here – so you better step it up."

"Sam..." Frank's protest was cut off by the dial tone, and he turned and scowled Superintendent Peck, "I know what you said...I understand where you're coming from – but that's two of my officers in there – I know for a fact one of them is injured – we can't just stand around and wait out here."

"It's not open for discussion Frank...this is a big deal and I'm not letting you mess this up...they knew what they were getting involved in. Let's not make their efforts meaningless. We will get them out – we can do both."

Sam resisted the urge to throw his phone at the nearby wall – instead allowing it to just drop from his hands, and he scrubbed his face in frustration.

"They're not coming are they?"

"Yes they are...I promise you they are...just..."

"It's ok...I screwed up. It's not their fault."

"No you..."

"It's ok."

"Andy – they will be here."

Andy lost the battle with her heavy eyelids again – and this time Sam's desperate pleads with her to keep her eyes open didn't even make it through the darkness to register with her.

Sam resisted the urge to yell at her, scream, growl...anything to get a response. He kissed her, several times – from her forehead, to her cheekbones, tip of her nose, jaw and finally – desperately kissed her lips, and tried shaking her again...

"Andy? McNally? Please..." He was so focused on desperately trying to rouse some kind of response from the woman in front of him that he didn't register the heavy footsteps behind him...but he did register the gun...or at least the cold metal of the end of one being pressed into the back of his neck, and freezing him to the spot.

"Stand up. Stand up...and back up."

Sam did as he was told, and the gun wielding stranger circled around him to stand right in between Sam and Andy and levelled the gun so that it was aimed right in between Sam's eyes.

"You know this woman?"

Sam almost didn't recognise his own voice – it sounded different to his ears, maybe because of the pulse he could hear pounding in his ears, or maybe the fact that is mouth and throat felt so dry that he wasn't even sure he should have been able to speak.

"She's hurt...She need's medical attention – if you don't let me get her out of here and to a hospital then believe me your day is about to get a whole lot worse. There is a whole load of other cops like me just outside..."

"You certainly seemed a little friendly...friendly for a cop and a whore."

Sam held up both hands in an indication of innocence and attempted to bargain with the muscle bound ten foot tall giant in front of him. "I just want to help her...I'm not armed...ok..." He saw the gun waiver slightly, and attempted a small tentative step forward before a burning flame of pain tore through his leg and both legs gave way underneath him – an involuntary growl of agony escaping from his lungs followed by several curse words, and a lot of heavy breathing in an attempt to try and control his oxygen level and the pain.

"I told you to stand back." He took several large steps forward until he was just a few inches away from him and raised the gun again...this time only slightly so it was pointed towards his stomach..

"Ok...ok...I'm not moving."

"What's your back up doing all the way outside?"

"I have no idea – you don't need to keep waving your gun in my face. I'm not gonna fight back – you just shot an unarmed cop...I don't think I need to be your main concern right now." Sam ground out the words through a grimace, some gasping breaths and the pulsating pain in his leg.

"I've been having a bad day...you just made it brighter." He stepped his foot, huge steel capped boot of a foot down on the gunshot wound on Sam's leg and pressed down...hard. He smiled, big and wide at the growl of pain escaping the copper laid out on the floor below him and aimed his gun again...firing three more shots. He watched the blood slowly escaping for a minute before removing his foot from his leg and walking back out the door from which he came.

**A/N - Evil huh? I know! Anyways...as always, I hope you guys enjoyed and I will try and get another instalment up for you as soon as I can - please push that button and let me know what you think... xxx**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

"He is so going to kill me for this...you know that right?"

"I won't tell him."

Sarah raised her eyebrows in silent question at the wide smile playing on Andy's slips.

"What? I won't – he never talks about when he was little – ever."

Sarah shook her head slightly at the anticipation reverberating off the women in front of her, and bit back on a smile. She had never imagined she would ever have the chance to regale anyone with the embarrassing stories she had stored up to torture her brother– she was enjoying this even more than she ever thought she would. "I can handle Sam – trust me, I'm not worried about that. Here..."She rummaged around in her bag, and pulled out several small photos – passing them to Andy with a widening grin. "These you can keep...but use them wisely, because once he finds out you have them..."

"Oh I will..." Andy peered down at the little boy grinning up at her from ear to ear – dimples on full display, and poster paint all across his face and in a mess of black hair. He looked so happy and carefree – with bright, happy, shiny eyes – and it tugged on her heart strings. She knew he hadn't had the easiest of childhoods – she had picked up on a couple of things, passing comments that had indicated that all had been far from rosy – but he had never actually told her anything, not really. "He looks happy."

"That's because he had just caused merry hell with a paint brush – and mugging's here had exactly 30 minutes to clear it up before our mom got back."

"How old was he?"

"Seven...I think...Mom was working, and left me in charge – I left him alone for all of about fifteen minutes, and that is what I came back to." Andy wasn't able to hold back a smile at the mental image of a mini Sam causing havoc.

"Where is she now? Your mom?"

"I have no idea..."

Andy looked up from the photo and back at Sarah, who was perched on the edge of her bed – a silent question in her expression, and waited for her to elaborate.

Sarah had started to visit Andy every day since the she had found her gripping hold of her brother's hand in his room just over a week ago. It was a welcome respite for an hour or two, from the machines and the constant agonising waiting – waiting for something to happen, for him to wake up...for him to...she told herself she was doing it because Sam would have wanted her to, and because it was only fair of her to keep Andy in the loop - but she had wanted to get to know her. To get to know the one and only woman who she had ever known to knock her brother off centre – and she liked her, she really did – but she wasn't sure she should have this conversation. Sam didn't talk about it because he didn't like people to know – didn't want the sympathetic gazes, and the awkward silences. He wouldn't appreciate her filling Andy in on the back story – she knew that, but Andy wasn't asking him – she was asking her.

Andy sensed the change in atmosphere, and shifted uncomfortably under the blankets. "I'm sorry...you don't have to..."

Sarah offered her a small smile and a nod of reassurance "No...It's ok. I don't mind. Did Sam tell you about what happened...when I was thirteen?"

"He said you were attacked...by a group of guys."

"Yeah – I was out looking for mom. She hadn't been home for the whole weekend, and I was trying to track her down – after that night, after I was attacked...she didn't handle it all that well. I didn't handle it at all and Sam..."

"...told jokes..." Andy offered her a small smile of encouragement, and her statement pulled a soft sad laugh from Sarah and a questioning eyebrow rose in Andy's direction. "I've heard hambulance."

"Yeah...he told jokes. He tried so hard to make everything better...and he got nothing back – you know? Didn't stop him though...Mom...I think she thought she hadn't been able to look after us right...stop me from being hurt, so she stopped trying. Stopped trying full stop – with me and with Sam. He deserved more than that...

"You both did."

"Maybe...but none of it was his fault. She turfed us out...after about six months, marched us and a small backpack of our stuff each down to Children's Services and left us with the doorman – said she'd had it...couldn't cope – we we're just too much. I cried...for three whole days I think – in the first foster home they landed us in. Wouldn't get dressed, wouldn't come out of my room – but he didn't. He just stayed with me – refused to leave – not even to eat. He didn't eat properly for three whole days while I wailed. We've never heard from her since – and I haven't even tried to look her up. I don't think Sam has either – it was always just the two of us – me and my rock of a little brother. That's why I hate the fact that he has this job so much...the idea of him doing something for a living where he has to carry a gun for his own protection is just..."

"He's your little brother – you want to look after him – I get that."

Sarah laughed again, and swiped at the corner of her eye to keep the accumulating tears at bay. "Yeah...despite the fact that it's always been him looking after me...even when he was nine years old..."

Andy reached for the hand of the woman sat next to her, and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "You're here. He's not very good at letting other people look after him – it drives me crazy sometimes. You know as soon as he opens his eyes he's going to become the patient from hell."

"Oh yeah...we should be preparing ourselves...Did he ever tell you about Dan Stone?"

"No..." Andy smiled back at the grin that was slowly emerging on Sarah's face.

"My first...serious-ish boyfriend – I was twenty at the time, took me a while to feel like I could date anyone...and Sam hated him – like literally despised him. It didn't matter how many times I told him he was a nice guy – and there was no way he was even going to try and be nice to him – he was twice his size, not that it stopped him. Turns out he was right...the guy was douche – and Sam came back from school one night to find my sobbing into an armchair. He let me cry on his shoulder for the whole night – it took him about five hours to find out the guy had cheated on me – I didn't want to tell him, didn't want him to do something stupid. He didn't...at least not then – just let me sob on him, and made me my ultimate comfort food...Mac and Cheese – no I told you so...no brawling or itching for a fight – which he did often at that point, he just sat with me. It wasn't until about five days later that I found out he had keyed and defaced Dan's 'beautiful' car, slashed the tires and all the upholstery and took a baseball bat to the windshield. I was so mad at him I could've throttled him – I didn't know anything about it until the cops showed up on our doorstep...but he just shrugged his shoulders and said that he had it coming. It took at least a year before I ever introduced Sam to any of my dates after that...Please don't ask my husband about the first time I introduced him to my brother..."

Both women dissolved into a fit of laughter, only to be interrupted by a knock on the door and Andy's doctor stepping inside.

"It's nice to see a little bit of joviality in here...I've got your x rays and test results back. It looks like you can go home – we can discharge you in the morning, but you're going to have to come back for physiotherapy with that leg of yours – and you're far from fully healed. You need to take it easy, and I'm not happy about you going back to an apartment where you will be on your own. Do you have someone you can stay with for a while? Someone we can call for you?"

Andy's smile widened at the thought of getting out of her hospital bed, "I'll be fine."

"It's not an option – you can either stay with someone, or you stay here. You need someone around to..."

"Ok, I'll call my friend – I'm sure it'll be fine."

"Ok, well I'll see you in the morning with those discharge papers."

"Thank you".

The doctor nodded in acknowledgement, and left the two of them alone in her room again.

"Andy – that's fantastic."

"You'll still come by right? It doesn't have to be all the time – but just to say hi, and..."

"Of course...yes of course I will."

"Ok." Andy accepted the hug offered to her from Sarah, and tried to quell the anxiousness forming in the pit of her stomach. As much as she hated being in the hospital at least being there meant that she was close to Sam – even if she didn't get to spend as much time with him as she would like to. She didn't want to leave him, especially when it would mean she would be at least a thirty minute drive away – and those thirty minutes was with blue lights and no traffic.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen.**

"Hey...you ok?"

Traci gathered herself up and sat down next to Andy on the porch with two fresh mugs of coffee. The idea to spring clean Sam's house to keep her occupied had dawned on her a couple of days ago – Sarah was technically staying there, but wasn't really – she barely left the hospital, and although Andy wanted to spend every waking minute next to him as well, she had friends who insisted that it wasn't healthy – that she needed to look after herself as well – so this is what she decided on. If she couldn't be with Sam, she was going to have him all around her instead – and Traci had refused to let her do it on her own, which bought them to their present position – taking a break in the sunshine on his front porch, and admiring Jerry's handy work with the cleaning of his truck in the driveway. She still felt tired really quickly, and although her leg was more or less healed it still slighted sometimes – if she put a little bit too much weight on it she was reminded that it was still fragile. The wound in her side was tight, and she couldn't stretch very far without feeling it pull or hiss at her, but it was very nearly there...all in all she was pretty much mended. Physically at least – but the nightmares still came – not about the undercover stuff, or at least not so much – mostly about Sam. The one her subconscious seemed particularly fond of at this current moment in time was Sam lying out on the floor of the warehouse riddled with bullet holes and blood, but calling out for her...calling out for her in agony – and she couldn't get to him, couldn't reach him – no matter how hard she tried. It was mainly the nightmares that had stopped her from being able to make herself pack a bag and move out from Traci & Jerry's place – she liked their company, it distracted her – stopped her from over thinking things, from over thinking everything. It helped having someone there to share a hot chocolate during her sleepless midnight hours.

"Yep." Andy popped the 'p' and smiled gratefully at her friend, reaching across to pick up the coffee from the step below.

"You know I never would have pegged Sam as a finding Nemo type." Traci had managed to settle Leo down in front of Sam's big screen DVD with a surprise collection of animated movies.

Andy's smile grew wider as she peered over at her friends exaggerated surprise face, and offered an explanation. "He has a niece and a nephew."

"Right..."

Andy's gaze fell away from her friend, and she studied the coffee cup in her hand – her smile growing still. "I made him watch it with me once..."

"What?" Traci quirked an eyebrow at her friend and waited for her to continue.

"He protested...a lot...but he did it. I didn't think he would actually agree to sitting there and watching it with me, but he did." Andy's smile dropped and she chewed down on her bottom lip.

"Andy...he's going to ok. The doctors said he's getting stronger all the time – we just have to wait." Traci reached out and squeezed her friends hand in reassurance, and Andy offered her a small smile in return.

"I know...I know that, I just...what if he's not? I don't know what I'd do if he..."

"You can't think like that – you'll drive yourself crazy."

"I just really need him to wake up Trace..."

"I know." She pulled her best friend to her and wrapped her in a hug. "I know this is probably the worst timing...but I need to tell you something."

* * *

Andy ran her fingers gently through his hair, and then leant forward and kissed him once briefly on his forehead – followed by a longer lingering kiss on his lips.

"Hey you..."

It had become her routine, every day – for every visit, how she said hello, before pulling a chair over to the edge of his bed and gripping his hand. Sarah had made some kind of excuse about needing a caffeine fix and excused herself from the room as soon as Andy arrived – she had been really good at giving Andy time with Sam, and as much as she enjoyed Sarah's company – she appreciated the snippets of time where it was just her and Sam – she could say things she felt uncomfortable saying in front of anyone – tell him things she wouldn't dream of saying in front of his sister. Today was different though – today she had proper news to share.

"You'll never guess what? You're going to be an Uncle again – I get to call you Uncle Sammy even more now...Traci and Jerry are having a baby! How amazing is that?!"

She laced her fingers between his, and placed several kisses along his knuckles, before resting it against her cheek. "It kind of put's a time limit on all this recovery though Sam...They want us to be God Parents – me and you – that means you snapping out of this, getting better, and getting to the church for the ceremony – we have about 9 months, so you have to get shifting ok?"

She placed his hand back down by his side on the bed, still holding on tight and studied his face – he still looked exactly the same – hadn't moved a muscle since the first time she had sat at his bedside, and she let out a small sigh. "Sam...Please? We miss you – all of us. I need you to open your eyes now...I'm not above begging, I will do it if I have to...are you really going to make me beg?" She knew it was a long shot – but she still studied his face for any kind of indication that he had heard her – there was nothing. Andy was momentarily distracted by Sarah coming back through the doorway with two Styrofoam cups of coffee and gave her a small smile as she placed one of them next to Andy on the bedside cabinet, and made her way around to the other side of Sam's bed plumping herself down on the chair.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome...I just ran into his Doctor down the hall and apparently they have scheduled his surgery for..." Sarah stopped talking and raised an eyebrow in question at Andy's widening saucer like eyes opposite her, "What?"

"I...He..." Andy launched herself to her feet and gripped hold of Sam's arm with her free hand, breaking eye contact with Sarah and focusing on Sam's face. "Sam?"

Sarah mimicked Andy's actions and stood back up – confusion and worry starting to cloud her features. "What is it? Andy? Andy?"

Andy turned back to his sister, the beginnings of a hopeful smile playing on her lips. "He squeezed my hand...I swear to god I just felt him squeeze my hand Sarah."

"I'll get his doctor." Sarah whipped out of the room, and powered down the hallway to the main desk, and Andy's concentration went straight back to Sam. She didn't let go of his hand, couldn't bring herself to relinquish any kind of grip in case she felt it move again – so she awkwardly reached out with her other hand to tangle her fingers in his hair and kiss his cheek briefly.

"Hey...I know you can hear me...we just need you to open your eyes now Sam...I know you can do it. Please...?"

* * *

"But I felt it...he did...I _know_ he did." Andy battled against the tears of desperation and frustration threatening to fall at the sympathetic – if slightly condescending – gaze being levelled at her from the Doctor who had just exited Sam's room.

"I'm sure you did...it happens sometimes, a twinge in muscles that have been dormant for a while can cause things like that to happen – there are no other indications that he is regaining consciousness. We will keep a close eye on him – if anything changes then we will deal with it then. I know it can be hard waiting for loved ones to..."

"It wasn't in my imagination...ok, I know the difference." Sarah placed her hand on Andy's shoulder and offered a comforting squeeze – which pulled her attention away from the white coat standing in front of them. "He squeezed my hand...I swear I felt..."

"I know."

"If anything else happens or you notice any other changes then by all means, come and find me. Until then – there isn't really anything we can do except..."

"Wait...yes I know." The doctor offered Andy a nod of acknowledgement and a small smile, before excusing himself and making his way back down the hall and she turned back to Sarah – big glistening tears threatening to fall and attempted a small smile. "I thought...I..."

"I know – its ok. He's not ready yet – we just go back in there, sit down and wait for him to be ready. It's ok."

"You go...I just need a minute. I'll be in a bit." Sarah wrapped her up in a hug, before relinquishing her grip and stepping back.

"He's going to get there."

"I know." Andy offered a shaky smile in an attempt to reassure Sarah that she was ok, and watched her go back and sit with Sam before she sank down against the wall in the hall and buried her face in her hands – allowing the disappointment and embarrassment to wash over her – the disappoint eventually insisting on her tears falling.

**A/N...last update from me for this weekend I'm afraid folks...hope you enjoyed, and I will try and get the next chapter up for you as soon as I can. Please review...feed my review addiction...you will make me a very happy bunny! xxx**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen.**

******A/N...Ok, I know I said Chapter Sixteen would be the last update of this weekend - but you have been soooo fabulous with your reviews, that I have uploaded this one for you too! Please enjoy and as always...leave your pawprint to let me know your thoughts! xxx  
**

Jerry stumbled out into the hallway, cursing as his toe connected with the table and hobbled forward slightly before lunging for the phone and pulling it off the ringer before it had the chance to wake the entire house.

"Hello?"

"Hi...sorry, I know it's late/early – whatever way you look at it..." Her voice was wavering enough that he could pick it up through the phone line, and his stomach dropped to the floor – all sleepiness vanishing in an instant.

"Sarah? What is it? What happened?"

"Andy left her cell phone here, and this was the only other number I had to get hold of her."

"Yeah – she's here, she's...what's happened? Is it Sam?" He heard a sob catch in her throat, and swallowed against the nausea he felt swarming around him – attempting to prepare himself for the worst.

"He woke up – He's awake...or at least he was about half an hour ago. They've pumped him full of morphine and sedatives now – so he's going to be pretty out of it for the next few hours, but I...he asked after her and I know she'd want to know so..."

Jerry smiled, an ear to ear smile down the phone – and it took a couple of seconds for him to realise that Sarah couldn't actually see his enthusiastically nodding head. "Yeah, of course...that's...that's fantastic. We'll be there as soon as the doors are open."

* * *

"Hey..." Traci pulled on Andy's sleeve to make her turn around and look at her before they went through the hospital entrance. "Don't freak out on me about keeping this from you ok – we just...we wanted to make sure nothing had changed again before we told you."

Andy's eyebrow's knotted together in confusion as she looked back and forth between her two friends who were standing behind her, and turned around to face them. "What are you talking about?"

Traci glanced at Jerry in an indication of this being the point he needed to step into the conversation – it would be better coming from him, she had only heard the news second hand...at 3 am in the morning. He looked uncomfortably back at Andy and offered her a smile. "Sarah called."

"What? When?"

"Late last night...early this morning...you were asleep, and she called the landline and I picked it up."

Andy's gaze flickered back and forth between the two of them – trying to pick up on what they were trying to tell her – but there expressions gave nothing away.

"Try not to get your hopes up to much ok? From what I know he's all hopped up on pain killers and sedatives...he's not going to be his usual self."

Andy's eyes grew wide and her heart started hammering desperately against her ribcage as the realisation of what they were telling her started to dawn on her, but she needed to hear someone say it out loud before she could actually allow herself to think she understood. "What? I don't...what do you...?"

Traci stepped forward and gripped her friends' hand, "He woke up. He's awake – ish, give or take the drugs. I wanted to tell you before, I really did – but I didn't want to wake you and tell you after she called in case something changed before you got the chance to see him so..."

"So you waited to tell me until now?!" It wasn't a question, more a statement of disbelief and she didn't wait for an answer – just turned on her heels and ploughed through the doors at high speed – and power walked – the hallways were far too busy for a run, otherwise it would have been an all out sprint – towards the lifts to take herself up to the fourth floor. She waited for a lift door to open for about five seconds before she decided they were taking far too long and made a beeline for the stairwell – taking them two at a time. She forced herself to stop outside of his door for a minute – just to catch her breath, and attempt to pull herself together – she was shaking like a leaf, and she as ridiculous as it was – she was nervous – nervous, anxious and so many other things that she couldn't even begin to form a handle on where her emotions were at. She raised her hand and knocked on the door – why she felt the need to knock she had no idea, but she didn't feel like she could just walk in – so she knocked, and slowly edged it open – stepping inside.

She froze – rooted to the spot about a foot inside the door when his eyes landed on her. His big, warm, dark eyes – his eyelids were droopy and he looked tired – really tired, but his eyes were looking right at her, and a small smile of greeting pulled at the corner of his lips. "Hey you..."

Sarah turned from her spot perched on the side of his bed, and gave her a bright smile. "Hi."

She tried to say something – anything, but couldn't speak past the emotional choke hold on her vocal chords – so tried her best to smile back instead, and breathe – she really needed to remember to keep breathing.

Sarah reached out and patted Sam's leg, before pushing herself up off the bed. "I'm going to give you two some space, if anyone needs me I will be in the canteen." She gave Andy's arm a reassuring squeeze as she walked past, and then she was gone.

It took her about five minutes before she could actually make herself move – do anything, move ...talk...breathe properly. The moment the tears broke through was the moment she could make her feet carry her forward – why she was crying she had no idea, possibly with relief, happiness...she had no clue, but once they started falling she couldn't stop them. She walked towards him – almost blinded, and hyperventilating through her tears by the time she got to the side of his bed. Sam reached out to her in an attempt to comfort her – as she sat on the edge of his bed, and held her to him. She snuggled as close as she could get – the fact that he was sitting up and leaning against a tower of pillows meant that she had almost perfect access to her favourite head rest spot between his neck and his shoulder, and he let her nuzzle in close and stroked her hair. He didn't say anything, just let her cry herself out – and met her big brown red rimmed gaze again when she pulled away from him slightly, offering her a small smile he cupped her face and gently brushed away the last of her lingering tears. "Hi."

Andy smiled back at him, the first true smile she had given to anyone since the start of this whole horrific episode, and turned her face to place a kiss on his palm before reaching up and taking hold of his hand pulling it down onto her lap – interlacing their fingers and gripping it tightly. "Hey – welcome back."


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen.**

Sam nudged Andy's chin up gently and smiled softly at her, gently wiping away the tears that had fallen following her second breakdown.

"Are you ok?" His eyes swept over her – silently looking for any tell tale signs that she wasn't. Sarah had already told him that she was fine, that she had more or less completely recovered from her injuries when he asked after her in the early hours of the morning, but he couldn't quite bring himself to believe it then – her absence, and the image of her lying unconsciously on that warehouse floor – flooding his t shirt with her blood still transfixed in his mind's eye. When he found no physical evidence of any damage his eyes met hers again, concern lining his features – urging her to tell him the truth.

Andy resisted the sudden urge to throttle him at the ridiculous irony of his question, and offered him a small smile instead – increasing the grip on his hand to almost that of a death grip in some kind of attempt to gain some control over the emotional storm swirling around inside her. "I'm fine."

Sam raised a pointed questioning eyebrow at her in response, and waited for her to elaborate.

"I'm fine...I am... I'm fine...in fact this is the best I have been in the past 8 weeks...What about you? How are you? Does it hurt a lot? Can I get you anything? Do you need anything?" She knew she was rambling...the words falling from her lips faster than the actual speed of sound probably, but as illogical and irrational as it was – she wanted to help, wanted to make him feel better – wanted to take any of the pain away, even though she knew there was no way she could magically fix everything, she needed to make sure he knew she was there.

"I've had better days..." She returned his smile that came with that statement, but it did nothing to quell her concern.

"Seriously? Sam I can call your Doctor – do you want me to go and find him?" Andy moved out of his reach slightly and went to stand up from the edge of the bed, but Sam increased his hold on her hand in turn, in an attempt to stop her from moving.

"No...Andy...its fine. I'm all hooked up; it's under control – stay?"

Andy settled back down on the edge of the bed, and reached out her free hand until her fingertips reached the warm skin of his forearm and she unconsciously attempted to comfort him by allowing her fingers to trace miscellaneous patterns there. "Ok...I'm not going anywhere"

She felt his hand relax in hers slightly in response, and smiled softly at him as he eventually gave in to the tiredness and the drugs – allowing his eyes to close. "I'm going to be here when you wake up this time...I promise." She leaned forward and kissed him gently, before taking a seat in the bedside chair – never once relinquishing her hold on his hand.

* * *

Andy's attention was pulled away from Sam's sleeping form by a knock on the door, and turned to see Luke loitering awkwardly in the doorway. "How is he?"

Andy's stomach flipped – not in a good way, and she battled with herself against her initial gut response of either asking him what the hell he was doing here or telling him to get the hell away from them and stay away. "He's sleeping." She attempted civil – although after the words left her mouth she was certain they sounded anything but.

"I can see that." Luke offered her a small smile, which she refused to return.

"What do you want?"

"I need to take his statement..."

"Not now you don't."

"Andy..." Luke's tone implied that he was going to try and reason with her, and she was having none of it.

"No...Ok? You can't just show up here and...Let Jerry do it. He's here – he dropped me off. Jerry can take his statement when he wakes up. _You_ don't need to – and you definitely don't have to wake him up to do it – he needs to rest."

Luke matched her glare with one of his own. "You think having Jerry do it is going to make that much of a difference? – he screwed up Andy, disobeyed direct orders – and nearly got himself killed in the process. You really think who takes his statement is going to make a difference to the end result here?"

"I want you to go please."

"Andy..."

"Get out."

"I..."

"Now, Luke. You need to leave now. Get out."

"I'll be back later to talk to Sam." Andy didn't acknowledge him this time, her attention already focused back on the man sleeping in the bed next to her – and she let out a shaky breath she didn't know she had been holding when she heard the door close, and turned around to find out that he had in fact left.

* * *

"Hey sleepy head – I would've thought you have had enough sleep to last you already." Sarah smiled brightly down at her brother, and he closed his eyes and scrunched up his face in protest at the brightness of his room, mumbling something incoherently under his breath. "What was that? You really are full of the joys of spring aren't you?"

"Where's Andy?" Sam contemplated the possibility of gluing his eyelids shut so that his retinas would never have to be scalded again – when he felt someone tug on his hand.

"I'm right here...how are you feeling?"

He smiled automatically as soon as he heard her voice, and prized up an eye to look up at her balanced on the edge of his bed. "Hey..."

"Oh – that's nice, that's really nice. Remember me Sammy...you're one and only devoted sister...Sarah...that's my name – in case you had forgotten."

Sam opened his other eye, and squinted up at his sister with a sheepish smile – only to see her grinning widely back at him, indicating quite clearly that she was only teasing. "It's sickening – the two of you? You do know that right?"

"Get used to it."

"How are you feeling?" Sarah's expression became serious, and she analysed Sam's expression in the hope of learning the details she knew he would refuse to speak out loud.

"I'm ok." He attempted a smile of reassurance, and tried to shift position slightly – regretting instantly any decision to move. He tried to reign in his reaction to the pain, but the hiss of air escaped his lungs before he had the chance to stop it – and he knew they would have picked up even the slightest indication of anything from the way they were both intently studying his face.

"I don't think four bullet holes and ok should ever appear in the same sentence. This is definitely not ok – I did not spend 8 weeks camped beside a hospital bed because you were ok."

Sam momentarily released his hand from Andy's grip and took hold of Sarah's. "Hey...Sarah? Sarah it's going to be ok – I'm going to be ok."

"Until the next time! I am soooo pissed at you. I didn't say anything earlier because...well because I was just so happy that you were awake and talking to me...but just for the record, I really am. What the _hell_ were you thinking?!" Sarah pulled her hand away from her brother and began waving both of them around in the air, matching the speed of the words falling from her mouth and as a physical attempt at releasing some of her anger, agitation and frustration. "There are people that care about you – you know? You can't pull stuff like this – it's not fair. Oliver said you weren't even supposed to be there!"

"Sarah...stop it." Sam's voice had an edge to it they she couldn't quite place, and she turned to Andy to see her looking at her with wide tear filled eyes. She looked back at Sam and he was fixing her with a stare that was saying in no uncertain terms to let it drop, but she was not about to just let it go – she was too upset for that now.

"What? What have you got to say for yourself? I thought you were going to die...Do you have any idea what the past 8 weeks have been like for us?" She raised a pointed eyebrow at him in a silent dare for him to try and wriggle out of this conversation at his own peril.

"I...ummm...I think...I need to...I'm just going to get something to drink, I'll be right back."

Sam tried to reach for her to stop her from leaving, but she moved to quickly for him and dodged his hand. "Andy...don't...It's not..."

"I'll be right back." She attempted a small shaky smile, and then made a hasty exit through the door and down the hallway – heading in the opposite direction to the canteen.

Sarah watched the scene unfold before her, her confusion slowly making itself known by setting up residence in her features. She watched Andy almost crumple in front of her, before she almost ran from the room and turned back to Sam – an unspoken question in her gaze. Sam levelled a dark glare back at her that clearly indicated he wanted nothing more in that moment than to kill her.

"What just happened?"

**A/N...I'm very sorry for the wait with this update folks...for those of you that have asked – I will be telling more about Andy's UC operation and what actually happened – all will be revealed in time! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and as always...please hit that button and let me know what you think. Xxx **


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen.**

"What?" Sarah returned Sam's glare with a bewildered expression – and waited for him to elaborate. He clenched his jaw, and shook his head in disbelief at her – his eyes hard.

"You just couldn't let it go could you?"

"What?...I don't...what's going on?" Sarah's expression altered to one of concern when she picked up on the edge of despair in his voice, and she reached for her brother's hand. "Sam?...You're my baby brother – I don't care how old we are, I don't ever want to lose you – you're upset with me because I was scared that I would?

Sam momentarily closed his eyes – the hurt and concern displayed clearly on Sarah's face highlighted his own feelings of guilt over how much he knew she would have gone through because of him. He let out a sigh, grimaced through the pain that action caused, and when he opened his eyes again and looked back at her the harshness had disappeared – his eyes almost apologetic. "Will you please just go and find her, and make her come back here?"

"She said she was getting a drink..." Even as the words left her lips she knew how untrue they were, she didn't need the sceptical look that Sam levelled at her to know that – but he did it anyway.

"Sarah...please?"

"I still don't understand what..."

"I know what she's like – ok? This is not her fault, and she's..."

"Why would she think that it is? Will you please stop talking in riddles – what the hell happened?" She knew she snapped, but something in her wouldn't let her apologise. Perhaps it was the fact that she was still angry at him, but she saw his expression change to cautious and guarded in front of her – and her exasperation finally got the better of her. Sam wasn't the only family member with a temper. "Don't...don't you dare handle me Samuel Swarek. I'm your sister – I'm family. You do not shut me out – not now. What happened? Why would she think what happened to you is her fault?"

Sam studied his sister's expression and chose his next words very carefully. He didn't want to have this conversation with her, ever have this conversation with her if he was honest with himself. "Sarah it's not her fault – ok? Will you please just go and..."

"That doesn't answer the question..." Sarah gave him a look that indicated in no uncertain terms that she was not going to let this go, and she let go of his hand – crossing her arms and sat back in her seat – waiting for him to remember that he was not the only person in the room with a stubborn streak.

Sam held her gaze for about five minutes, silently pleading with her to go after Andy before he averted his eyes to study the doorway to his room – his need for his sister to bring her back to him winning out over his instincts that were telling him she really didn't need to know anything. He hated talking to her about his job, he knew that she hated the thought of him doing what his job sometimes asked of him – and he knew that this wasn't going to be any different. They had held many conversations over the years around her fear of him getting hurt – and he knew that this wasn't going to help her anxiety surrounding the subject one little bit. He had always told her he had good instincts – that they would keep him safe. He had allowed himself to get into this situation, put himself in the danger – he knew that, and he didn't regret it – not really, would do it again if it meant trying to keep Andy safe, but he knew Sarah would look at things differently. He looked back at his sister – her eyes had been on his face the whole entire time – and shrugged his shoulders at her as an indication of how simple the answer really was – instantly regretting the movement and the pain making itself known in his gaze. Sarah reached for his hand, concern once again replacing anger – and gave it a squeeze.

"I was doing my job – what happened is not her fault. She needed help, I was the help that was there...she's my partner, I had her back – that's how it's supposed to work. It would have been the same if it had happened to anyone else." He knew he wasn't being completely honest with her, and it was a highly edited version. He took one look at her face, and knew that there was no way she was going to accept his words. "Sarah..."

"If that's true then there is no reason why she would feel like it's her fault, and Oliver already told me you weren't supposed to be anywhere near what was happening Sam...You're going to have to do better than that."

"I know her – ok? You don't. She blames herself for things going sideways when she isn't even involved...will you please just go and find her?" Sam cringed inwardly, but held firm in his eye contact with his sister – he wasn't above pleading where Andy was concerned, not anymore.

"I know her a little bit. I have been able to spend 8 weeks in a room with her – you get to know someone a little bit then you know...close quarters...I know she loves you. I've seen her sit here, gripping your hand and pleading with you to get better. I've heard her say things I'm pretty sure she doesn't know about – apologising. Apologising for what happened when she hasn't realised I've been here...for screwing up...for calling you."

"She needed help...Sarah, I'm not...I don't know what you want me to say. I did what I did because...It's not that straightforward ok?" Sam tried to convey to her with a look that he really needed her to let it go, and he was not at all prepared for the next question that left her mouth.

"Would you still be in here if it had been Jerry or Oliver in that warehouse? I know you would back them up...would it have ended in the same way?"

Sam swallowed thickly and his eyes widened at disbelief as he stared back at her, almost willing himself to have misheard her. "What?"

"I'm not saying it's her fault Sam...I'm just trying to...understand."

Sam ran his tongue over his teeth – a physical tell of his agitation, and Sarah knew that she had possibly pushed things a little too far. His eyes gave a clear indication that his guard was back up again, and she knew how protective he was. He was protective enough of her, so it only stood to reason that he would be that way with Andy too. She wasn't blaming her – she knew it wasn't really her fault, but she also knew that she wasn't completely without blame. Neither of them were, and she just wanted him to be honest with her. "Sarah...I'm not...we're...I can't answer that question. I don't know what would've happened if things had played out differently – you can't ask me something like that."

"You do know – you're just not going to answer me. You do realise that is answer in itself right?"

Sam's eyes flashed in warning at her, and she held up her hands in an indication of surrender and that she would let it drop for now. "Ok – fine. I will go and find her, and just for the record...I do like her. I like her, and I like how happy I know she makes you – and I'm not blaming her for this...I just think..."

"Sarah...?"

"Ok – I'm going...I will bring her back." She gave Sam's hand one last squeeze, and stood from her chair – kissing his cheek in an indication that she wasn't going to hold onto this conversation – and took herself off out the door and in the same direction as Andy had scurried earlier.

* * *

Andy flew around the corner of the hospital car park, and landed bang into the chest of the person coming the other way. She stepped back in shock, missed her footing and almost fell back onto the floor if it wasn't for the hand that reached out and took hold of her arm. "I'm sorry...I...I wasn't looking where I was..."

"McNally? Are you ok?" Andy looked up to see Oliver's concerned gaze peering down at her, and attempted a small smile.

"Yep...yep...fine. I just need to...I'm..."

"Andy?" Traci came barrelling around the corner and knew flew into the both of them – she had been trying to catch up with her since she had flown past her and Jerry in the ICU waiting room ten minutes earlier. She took one look at the anguish clearly written across her friends face – and reached out to pull her towards her, wrapping her in a tight hug. "What happened?"

Andy attempted to wriggle out of her best friends embrace –she didn't deserve comfort. "Nothing...I'm fine, I just need to go and...I just needed some air."

Traci allowed her to pull away, but raised a questioning and sceptical eyebrow at her words. "Andy...?"

"I'm fine...really." Andy knew that she wasn't very good at pulling the wool over Traci's eye's – she was the one person who could read her almost as well as Sam, so she looked away from her concerned eyes and offered Oliver a small smile instead. "Are you here to see Sam?"

"Yep. Thought it was about time he became reacquainted with my abuse...I've certainly missed dishing it." Oliver grinned brightly at her – finally allowing himself to feel some relief in the fact that his friend appeared to be getting better.

"He'll be pleased to see you." Andy offered him a shaky smile, and then stepped around him and walked towards the car parks south exit. Oliver and Traci shared a look, before Traci offered him a nod indicating that he should go ahead.

"I've got this – you head on in. Jerry was just about to head in and check on him."

Oliver looked back at Zoe who offered him a nod of encouragement, before he glanced back at Traci and offered her a small smile. "Make sure she's ok..."

"I'm on it." Traci took off in a light jog in an attempt to catch up with her friend.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter Twenty**

"Andy just sit down...sit down, take a breath – and tell me what happened?"

Traci had guided her into the nearest coffee place she could find, ordered them both a small coffee and a picked up a large tumbler of water for her friend, before attempting to nudge her towards the well worn couch at the back of the back – hidden behind the counter and well out of view of the street outside. Andy perched on the edge of the couch and chewed down on her thumb nail – her eyes refusing to look up at her friend, and she chose instead to study the marked coffee table in front of her. Traci placed the water in front of her friend, and gave her arm a reassuring squeeze in an attempt to gain her distracted attention – she knew she was attempting to process something, saw the wheels turning – but unless she could get her to start talking to her she really had no idea how to help. "Andy?"

Andy turned her eyes on her friend – they were wide, and panicky – and the tears had returned, threatening to leak out at any moment – but she still uttered the same mantra that she had been using all the way here – her voice raspy and quiet, but she clung onto it for all her life was worth – worried that if she let go of it she had no idea when the free fall would stop. "I'm fine."

Traci didn't say anything, she didn't need to tell her that she believed she was nothing of the sort – her expression did that for her. She just reached for her hand and took it in her own – offering what comfort and reassurance she could, and waited for her friend to talk to her. She held her gaze silently for a few moments, before enveloping her in another hug and rocking her gently – a soothing gesture she had picked up from being a mother, but it seemed to work just as well in this situation. Andy let her hold her, but made no attempt to return the effort – her arms stayed by her side, until she remembered herself and pulled back from Traci's warmth – wrapping her arms around herself instead. "Andy what happened?"

She laughed mirthlessly at her friend's question, and looked away – focusing on the droplets of water forming on the tumbler of water on the table in front of her. "You mean apart from the fact that the man I love almost died? He almost died, and Sarah nearly lost her brother."

Traci reached for her hand again, and she didn't pull away from her. "Andy he's going to be ok. He's awake – he's getting stronger, you're not going to lose him."

"You don't get it." Andy looked up at her friend – her eyes desperate, and she swiped away an errant tear that had leaked from the corner of her eye.

"So explain it to me."

Andy shook her head at her friend, in indication that she would never really understand what she was saying – couldn't comprehend in any way, shape or form what she was feeling – but she spoke the words anyway, she had started so she couldn't now really stop herself. She needed someone to understand, to agree with her – to confirm what she knew was already true. "He was hurt because of me." Traci's eyes grew wide and she shook her head vehemently back at her, but Andy spoke again before she had a chance to rebuke her statement. "He was there because of me Trace – he wasn't supposed to be, but he was. Because I needed him, because I...because I was stupid enough to get myself into something that was way over my head, and because I called him...I called him. Did Oliver tell you that?"

"Andy..."

"I knew he would look for me...I was scared, and I didn't know what else to do – but I should never have dialled his number. I was selfish – I knew he would come for me, truthfully – I knew it before he even picked up. I was an idiot...he was hurt because of me, how am I supposed to be ok with that? Tell me how I'm supposed to be ok with that?"

Traci eyes widened as she attempted to process this new piece of information – if Jerry knew about it he hadn't told her – but her expression remained compassionate and sincere as she attempted to answer her question."Nobody blames you Andy...it's not your fault. He won't blame you – you know that."

Andy rolled her eyes, and averted her gaze again...focusing on a spot on the opposite side of the wall. "Well he should. So should Sarah – she probably does...if she doesn't know about it now, she will – then she'll really hate me.

"You remember Brennan right?" Traci pulled her friends focus back to her face with those words, and took a deep breath – hoping she was choosing the right tact to get her point across. Confusion momentarily chased the despair away from Andy's eyes – but only briefly. "When he took Sam? You remember how worried you were – how you would have done anything to make sure he was ok? When you were gone Sam worried, ok...a lot. When he found out you were missing – it was the same for him as it was for you, he wanted to make sure you were safe."

"I waited."

"What?"

"While you guys all cleared the cabin. I knew Sam was inside, but Oliver told me I couldn't come...told me to wait outside, so I waited. I knew he needed help, that he could've...but I still waited. Sam didn't wait for anyone else to help me – it's not the same. I..."

"You can't do this to yourself Andy – you didn't pull the trigger. What happened to Sam is not your fault – you may have made a mistake, but I know for a fact that if you thought for one second that phone call would lead to him being hurt you wouldn't have dialled that number."

"But that's the point. I didn't think – and I should have. I should have thought it through, but I didn't."

Traci's phone buzzed to live in her pocket, and she pulled it out to reveal a text message from Jerry.

_Hey – are you with Andy? Where are you guys? Sarah is trying to track her down and Sam wants to see her. Xx_

Traci sent a quick reply saying she didn't think it would be a good idea to bring Andy back to the hospital right now, but sent the directions to where they were – just in case Sarah wanted to venture out of hospital grounds to them. She looked back up to find a silent question in Andy's gaze.

"He wants to see you."

Andy shook her head in response, and angrily swiped away her persistent tears that were now falling freely – she was sick of crying, had enough of it to last her a lifetime, but for some reason – even when she thought she was all cried out, she couldn't stop them falling. "I can't Trace...not right now."

"Ok...it's ok. We don't have to go anywhere until you're ready. We can stay here all night if you want. If you want to go home, then that's fine too – whatever you want to do."

"I don't...I don't know what to do – what am I supposed to do?" Traci pulled her friend in for another hug, and held on tight.

"I wish I could answer that for you, I really do. It's not your fault Andy – I promise you it's not. You just made a mistake – it happens to all of us."

Andy eventually pulled herself free from Traci's arms once the tears had stopped flowing again, and offered her a shaky smile. "Can we just sit? I just need to sit for a bit."

Traci nodded her head at her friend, sat back and got comfy on the couch, and took hold of her hand. "For as long as you need to." She offered her a smile of reassurance, and Andy nodded in thanks – squeezed her hand, to add extra emphasis to her thank you and then resumed her study of the coffee table in front of her – the two of them allowing the bustle of the coffee shop to settle amongst them.

Traci didn't notice Sarah when she walked in, her focus trained on the woman next to her on the couch, who had now moved on from focusing on the coffee table to a spot on a wooden floor by the corner of the room. It was only when she registered someone stood next to her that she looked up and saw she was there and suddenly felt awkward. She didn't know Sam's sister very well – barely at all in fact, only aware of pieces of information she had gathered from Andy or Jerry, and had only spoken to her briefly – in passing along a hospital hallway. Andy was now completely lost in her own head, and the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions coursing through her – she didn't even register that anyone else was there, even when the two women next to her spoke awkwardly with each other.

It wasn't until Sarah sat down on the coffee table directly in front of Andy's line of vision that she earned any kind of reaction from her. Andy didn't say anything, couldn't think of anything to say – but the stiffening of her posture, and the widening of her eyes as she took in the sight of the woman in front of her indicated she was aware of her presence. Traci was well and truly aware that it was her deer caught in headlights stance, and offered her hand a gentle squeeze of reassurance.

"Hey..." Sarah offered her a small smile. "Sam wanted me to come and find you...I thought you were just getting a drink...although I guess the coffee here has to taste better than the liquid that's dished out of that machine in the hospital canteen right?"

Andy's features adopted a hint of disbelief, and she almost felt as though she had stepped into a surreal and parallel universe – this woman, sat in front of her, had nearly lost her brother because of her – and she was making small talk about coffee? There were no words – she wanted to say something to her – scream at her and make her scream back, but there were no words leaving her lips – she opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

"Are you coming back?"

Andy took in the gentle, questioning gaze of the woman sat in front of her – and felt the tell tale pin pricks of tears in her eyes again. She cursed herself, swiping her fingers across tightly shut eyelids – before opening her eyes again, and rolling her eyes up to the ceiling in what she knew was going to be a futile attempt to keep that at bay. She never used to be a crier – this was a whole new development for her, and she didn't like it at all. She shook her head slightly, and willed her to leave her alone – she was pretty sure that she was loitering on the edge of another breakdown, and she didn't want Sarah to see it.

"Andy...I'm sorry. Sometimes I open my mouth before I think – it's not the best trait, but sometimes it's just the way I am. I know how it must have sounded – and that wasn't what I meant. Unfortunately for Sam he's stuck with me – we're related, but he needs you. Andy?"

"He doesn't."

Andy's words, whispered and broken as they were, still hit Sarah with the force of a fierce punch, and her stomach dropped. She needed to fix this – desperately needed to fix it; there was no way she could let her walk away – not now. Especially not if it was because of the words she had spoken. "Andy...please? Just come back with me and talk to him."

"I can't." Andy finally met Sarah's gaze, and wiped the building moisture from the corner of her eyes. "I will, just not...I can't see him. If I go back there now I'm just going to fall to pieces again – and...He'll be better off if I just stay away." Andy felt Traci's hand let go of hers, and she moved closer to her on the couch – rubbing comforting circles on her back, but she couldn't look at her – she knew the concern that she would see etched in her features. "Just tell him I needed to...I will come back, but I can't do it now. Tell him I need some time to sort some things out."

* * *

Andy peeled her cheek off the couch, and reached to switch off the flashing lights from the television screen – huffing out a sigh, she padded through to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water. She had tried to sleep in her bed (or the bed in Traci and Jerry's guest room at least) but had given up after a few hours. It must have been the infomercials that had eventually sent her to sleep, but she had no idea how long she had been snoozing for – it must have been a couple of hours, the most she ever slept for at the moment before some kind of night terror woke her from her slumbered state was a couple of hours. It was the dead of night outside - everything was quiet and dark, except for the street light outside the kitchen window. Her eyebrows knotted together in confusion when she realised that Jerry's car wasn't parked on the street – and she made her way back to the living room, picking up her phone from its discarded spot on the coffee table to check the time. The numbers on her phone screen lit up the dimly lit living room 0215 – way past visiting hours, Jerry should have been back by now. The flashing numbers of her phone's screen were not the only thing that caught her attention – she felt her stomach tie in knots when she saw 25 missed calls flash up her, and the knots coiled tighter as she scrolled through the numbers – they were only made up of three – Jerry, Oliver and Sarah. Andy turned on her heel, picked up a jumper and pulled it over her head – scrawling a note for Traci to tell her why she needed her keys, and where to find her - pinning it up on the fridge, before dialling her voicemail and making her way out of the front door and towards Traci's car in the driveway.

Andy was sure she had broken several road safety laws, and speed limits on her journey back to the hospital - but she couldn't quite bring herself to care. Just like she couldn't bring herself to care about the curious looks she saw being thrown her way out of the corner of her eye – she almost rolled her eyes at the bystanders peering at her with curiosity. She knew she looked ridiculous – hair piled on top of her head, and sticking out at all angles, her PJ's tucked into her snug knitted sketcher boots and Sam's grey sweater over the top of her vest top. It was fitted on him – of course it looked oversized on her, but it still smelled like him (maybe only because she had purposefully washed it in his detergent, and sprayed his 'special occasion' cologne on it last week when she was cleaning his house) – it wasn't strictly the same, but it was the closest she had been able to get while he was wrapped up in bandages in a hospital bed, and she had been willing to take what she could get. As she rounded the corner of the hallway her heart dropped into her stomach, and she suddenly felt very shaky on her legs as she walked towards the three of them sat together in a line of plastic hospital chairs in the hallway opposite Sam's room – exhaustion and worry etched clearly on each of their faces, along with tear stains on Sarah's. Jerry stood as soon as he saw her, Oliver was about to as well until Sarah dug her fingers into his arm even tighter to keep him from moving – her knuckles turning white – she was pretty sure she might collapse on the floor if he moved, despite the chair she was currently sat on.

"What happened?" Andy looked at each one of them in turn waiting for someone to say something, the messages hadn't really given anything away – other than she needed to be here. They had sounded urgent, frantic and worried – but hadn't really told her anything. She turned and looked through the door into Sam's room when no one spoke, and fought against the anxious panic paralysing her ability to breathe and function – she turned back to Jerry, eyes wide and glassy – her voice desperate "Where's Sam?"


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty – One**

A/N – I know it was extremely cruel of me to leave you hanging at the end of the last chapter – I'm a tease, I can't help it! As a thank you for putting up with my mean streak – I have worked on this update for you...As always...enjoy, and please let me know what you think. You're feedback is honestly what keeps this story going – and I'm enjoying writing it for you so much – so thank you!Anyways...back to the McSwarek drama...

* * *

"Jerry? Where is he?" Her voice increased in its desperation level, and cracked on the final word – her eyes pleading with him to say something to stop her heart exploding into a million pieces – it was already damaged, had to be...it was thumping against her ribcage so hard that it had to be at least bruised a little bit. "Jerry...?"

Jerry attempted a small smile at fragile looking woman in front of him – but it came out more like a grimace. He made a vow with himself that he was going to look after her when all this crazy mess hit the fan, as soon as he first set foot inside the hospital doors 8 weeks ago – with both of them hooked up to machines, he had promised he would. He owed it to Sam – knew he would want him to, knew he would do the same for him if the roles were ever reversed. He hadn't needed to tell him, it was an unspoken understanding, but he had said the words earlier, when it had just been him and his friend – talking. Looking at her now, standing in front of him and wrapped up in Sam's sweater she looked even more vulnerable and broken than she had when she was lying in that hospital bed, and the words he had to say stuck in his throat a little bit – refused to make themselves heard. He swallowed thickly a couple of times, and tried again – reaching for and taking hold of her arm at the same time. "Andy sit down...you need to sit..."

Andy shook her head violently back at him and shrugged out of his grip, her eyes flashing incredulously at him. "No! No, no, no...no...No, no - I don't need to sit...I...Where is he? Where's Sam?"

"Surgery." Oliver's voice was quiet, he nearly whispered the word – but Andy still heard him, drawing her eyes away from Jerry and finding Oliver's gaze her heart stopped. He looked like he was about to cry – in the four years she had known him she had never actually seen him look like that – and she felt her legs crumple a little bit. Jerry reached for her arm again, but didn't try to make her move – so she let him hold her, feeling her knees buckle slightly – how she was actually still standing she had no idea. "He...they had to take him to surgery, and we haven't heard anything from anyone since."

"Why? What happened? What..."

"We don't know...it all happened so quickly, one minute he was fine – he was talking to me, and he was fine and then..." Jerry's words died on his lips when Andy looked back at him, and he couldn't find the words to carry on. Oliver stood up, Sarah allowed him to move this time – focusing on a spot of the opposite wall, and swiping away her tears with the back of her hand – and Andy took an unconscious step back as he stepped towards her, almost imperceptibly shaking her head at him. She didn't want to have this conversation – she wanted this morning back – when he had woken up, when she walked into his room first thing this morning and he had smiled at her – she wanted it back. He had been fine, well – not fine – but getting better.

"Something was off...something was off for the last couple of hours, and I kept asking him if he was ok – if he wanted me to get his doctor, but he said he was fine. I figured he was just tired, or it was the drugs or something...I don't know. He would change the subject, and we would start talking about something else. We were laughing about something – I can't even remember what it was...Jerry probably," Oliver threw his friend a small half smile as he said those words, "and it all just happened so quickly – it must've been seconds, one minute he was laughing – the next minute he stopped, stopped laughing and it was like he was struggling to breathe. Machines started beeping, alarms started going off and his eyes lost their focus and rolled back. That's all we know – we were pushed out of his room two seconds later, and he got wheeled out of here and down to surgery after about ten minutes." Oliver left out the part about the doctor straddling him on the gurney performing CPR as it hurtled past them and down towards the lifts at the end of the hallway, she didn't need to know that part – he wished he didn't know it.

"But he was fine..." Andy looked back and forth between the two of them, she heard what Oliver had said, and she felt the words almost physically hitting her – but that didn't mean she wanted to believe them. "He's only just woken up...he was getting better...he's supposed to be getting better..."

"I know." Jerry ran his hand up and down her arm a couple of times in an attempt to comfort her, before pulling her towards a chair and planting her on it – taking hold of her hand and giving it a squeeze, before taking a seat next to her. "Sammy's as stubborn as they come – we just have to keep focused on that – you know he's going to be fighting back against whatever this is with everything he has...he's not gonna give up easy."

A heavy silence fell over the four of them as they sat and waited for news – each of them alone with their own thoughts, and no-one feeling strong enough or finding the need to say them out loud. Andy kept a watch on the wall clock hung above a doorway a few doors down, the minutes passing like hours – and would occasionally glance up at each of them in turn – Oliver, Jerry and Sarah. They were joined by one more – by Paul, Sarah's husband, by about half after four. It was the first movement any of them had made, but Sarah flew into his arms and crumpled into a million pieces about five seconds after he came into view. Andy silently studied his face as he held onto his wife in the middle of the hallway, and decided he was different to watch she imagined, she wasn't sure what she imagined – but it wasn't the man stood in front of her. He was tall, really tall and thin, with the longest arms and legs she is pretty sure she has ever seen – with a mass of blond curly hair and glasses. Through the numbness that had gradually taken hold of her over the past couple of hours she felt a pang of jealousy as she stared at them, and looked away – squeezing her eyes closed, and wiping away a stray tear from her cheek. She wanted her rock, the way that Sarah had Paul. She wanted Sam to wrap his arms around her and make her feel safe and loved, and whisper reassurances in her hair. She pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around her knees hugging them to her – but it was a pale substitute. Oliver shifted up a chair and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, offering her a small smile of understanding when she opened her eyes and glanced over at him with a questioning gaze. She wanted to say thank you, but couldn't quite get the words out – instead allowing him to pull her closer and rested her head on his shoulder. Having someone close helped a little, just feeling the contact and someone else's warmth – but the ache didn't leave. The shoulder wasn't right, it didn't belong to the person she wanted – it didn't feel the same – even through closed eyes, but she was overwhelmingly grateful for the thought.

Andy stayed in that position, nestled up against Oliver, until mid-morning. They had grown in numbers by two more, following the arrival of Traci – who had planted herself between Jerry and Andy – holding onto each of their hands in an attempt of reassurance, and Zoe – who had taken a seat opposite her husband – she had given him a brief kiss and hug on arrival, but was perfectly happy to loan him to Andy – she knew they were offering each other the comfort they needed, and she knew he would need to feel like he was helping her. Andy offered her a shaky smile of thanks, which Zoe warmly returned and she went back to studying the floor tile in an attempt to try and forget where she was and why she was here. It was just after ten when Sam's doctor rounded the hallway, and headed towards the group gathered outside his room – but it wasn't until she felt Oliver's shoulder tense under her that she looked up and saw him coming – scrabbling to her feet, but leaving her heart and her stomach behind. She didn't even register everyone else rising to their feet and Traci squeezing her hand – she was far too focused on trying to pick up anything from the white coat walking towards her – any kind of indication of what was coming. Her vision blurred and she blinked furiously to clear the tears before he reached them. Sam's doctor met her eyes, and then Sarah's – she heard her speak, but her voice sounded really far away. "Before you say anything – everybody here is family. How is he?"

Dr Bennett looked around at the concerned faces surrounding him, before letting out a deep breath and looking back to Sarah again. "He's in recovery."

Andy wanted to speak...wanted to ask after him but couldn't make any kind of sound emerge from her throat, and silently pleaded with god that the man stood in front of her had been able to fix it – whatever happened, she didn't really care now – she just wanted him to say he had fixed it.

Paul took hold of Sarah's hand, and she somehow managed to utter the question that had been terrifying her since the previous day. "What happened? He's going to be ok right?"

He seemed to consider his response carefully, and in the seconds it took him to speak Andy subconsciously reached out and wrapped her fingers tightly around Oliver's arm – she was finding it very difficult to breathe, keep focused on what was happening in front of her and stay standing at the same time. "Your brother's injuries...caused a lot of internal damage that we weren't able to completely repair when he was first brought in – and there was always a danger that the fixes we used would rupture, and cause internal bleeding – possibly even more damage – that's why we needed to operate again, why we had scheduled him in for surgery at the end of the week..."

"We already know that..." Sarah stopped talking as soon as the doctor held up his hand indicating he wasn't finished.

"It would appear that what happened yesterday was a combination of two things, a slow bleed into his lung that wasn't picked up earlier in the checks because it was small. Over the course of the past couple of days – because of its position – it has been increasing pressure on his heart and his already damaged lung. It re-opened the wound – dislodged the repairs we put in place because of the gunshot wound and caused a larger bleed into chest. That rupture is what caused his difficulty in breathing, and he lost a lot of blood – that made it difficult for his heart to function sufficiently, we did lose him a couple of times. We're going to have to keep him heavily sedated for a while, and we have put him back on a respirator in an effort to reduce any unnecessary strain on his lungs. We believe we've stopped the bleeding, so that should help – but we have another problem...one of the wounds to his abdomen is infected. Normally, I wouldn't worry about it – we could treat the infection with a strong antibiotics, and it should heal without causing too much of a problem – but his body is already weak, and after suffering an internal trauma like yesterday he may not have the strength to fight it off – even with treatment. I've pushed through as much antibiotic as I can – but we have to wait and see how it progresses. If it becomes any worse, then it could cause a serious problem."

"Can I see him?" Andy's voice sounded foreign to her ears, she wasn't even sure she was the person who had actually spoken until the doctors gaze singled her out.

"Of course, of course you can – but not for a while. We're keeping him in recovery for a while longer – he will have one on one care down there, and we need to keep an extremely close eye on him. We hope he will be stable enough to move back up here to ICU by later tonight, and by all means I can call you all when that happens. For the time being you should all go home, get some rest – and come back later."

The Doctor turned and walked back down the hallway in the same direction in which he came, leaving a heavy silence hanging over those who were left – still trying to process the words he had offered them. Andy took a couple of steps backwards, and lowered herself onto the chair that met the backs of her knees – drawing them up against her and wrapping an arm around them again – unknowingly pulling Traci with her because of the death grip she now had on her hand. She hadn't even realised she was still holding it – she had let go of Oliver, but she had been holding onto Traci's hand for so long she didn't even realise it was still there. "Andy do you want us to take you back? You can get some rest, come back later?"

Andy shook her head in refusal, unable to form a sentence.

"Andy...you need sleep, you're exhausted."

"No...No, I can't – I need to stay here...I..." she turned her desperate eyes on her friend, pleading with her to understand. "I never should have left in the first place."


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty – Two**

"Hey...how are you holding up?" Traci wrapped her arms around Jerry from behind as he reached forward and selected another coffee from the push button screen in front of him, and felt more than heard a weary sigh escape. No-one that had undertaken the vigil in the hallway outside Sam's room had felt able to leave, so they were all taking it in turns to make coffee runs – pick up food, not that any of them had managed to eat much – and were just waiting together until they knew that he was stable enough to come back to ICU, and one of them could sit with him.

"You should go home you know – get some rest. This can't be good for the baby." Jerry wrapped his hands around hers, and held them tight against him – despite his words implying he wanted her to leave.

"And leave you and Andy here? – I don't think so."

"It's fine...we'll be fine. I just want to stay for a bit longer – I can bring her back with me." He turned to face her, attempting to school his expression into something a little brighter with the hope that she would accept his compromise.

"You know there's no way she's leaving. I think the only thing that will move her from that chair is Sam – and that's only because she will be swapping it for the chair by his bed...I've never seen her like this, she's so...I'm really worried about her Jer."

Jerry pulled Traci closer, and kissed her gently before wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into a giant hug. "She is going to be fine...you can't spend all your time looking after Andy – you have to look after yourself too. We're all here for her – whatever she needs."

Traci's reply was muffled through his shirt – but he still heard every syllable. "She needs Sam – how are we supposed to fix that for her?"

"He's going to be fine Trace..." He pulled away from her slightly, and rested his forehead against hers – trailing his fingertips up and down her arms gently. His words were merely repeating out loud the phrase that had been on a constant loop in his head for the past 22 hours – he hadn't allowed any variation – he wasn't sure if it was some kind of prayer for what he hoped would be the case, or whether he actually believed it, but he refused to even consider an alternative.

"Did you know that she called him?" Traci pulled back from him slightly so she could see could make eye contact, and Jerry nodded his head at her in the affirmative.

"She told me when I took her statement, and she told Oliver – but I haven't put it in the incident report."

Traci took a step back as she narrowed her eyes at Jerry in question, and tried to form a reason in her head as to...one – why he didn't tell her about it, and two...why he would purposefully leave details out of an incident report – they were having enough trouble trying to make any kind of headway with any arrests for what had happened as it was. Her attempts to reach any kind of logical explanation came up blank, so she went for her next option. "Why?"

"I'm just supposed to be an extra body – it's still Luke's case, and until I can get a clearer handle on what happened I can't just weigh in with accusations."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Trace...I can't really talk to you about it – not yet. If I put that detail in the incident report it would be enough for the internal review board to hang them both – along with Luke, and there are things that don't quite add up – some things that make me really uneasy- until I can put it all together I'm holding it back."

"What kind of things?"

"Trace...I mean it when I say I can't really talk about it. If this get's ugly then you're better off not being involved."

"It's Andy and Sam...I'm already involved, we all are – she's my best friend."

"I know...ok? I know. That's why I need to do this right. I will figure it out – ok? "

* * *

"Hi...I'm sorry...hey? Excuse me? Hello?" Andy attempted to gain the distracted attention of the nurse on the telephone, waving her hands around in the space between her and the Perspex screen and agitatedly stepping from side to side in an effort to stop the tired aches in her muscles from protesting too much. Her movements momentarily stilled and her jaw dropped slightly in disbelief as the woman in scrubs turned her back on her and continued on with her conversation. It took about five seconds for her disbelief to turn to anger – and she hammered on the screen frantically. "Hey! I need to talk to you...Hello? I'm not leaving – just so you know. I have no plans to go anywhere...I can do this all night long...HEY!"

"Andy..." the grabbing of her arm to pull her palm away from the screen, and the hissed whisper of her name happened all at the same time, and as was spun around she came face to face with her best friends concerned face. "I thought you were going to get some air? – this is not air."

"I was..." She pulled her arm out of Traci's grasp, turned and glared at the back of the nurse in question and unleashed one more fierce hit on the screen with a clenched fist. "I'm just trying to get some information out of this ignoramus!"

Traci wrapped her arms around her friend and attempted to pull her towards the opposite side of the hallway. "You're going to get yourself thrown out by security – just take a breath for a second." Andy fought against her attempts for a few moments, before allowing her to pull her away – letting herself to sink to the floor she leaned back against the wall, and buried her head in her hands as soon as Traci let her go – not wanting to see one of the concerned, sympathetic glances she had been passing her way all day.

"Andy?" She didn't get a response, and so slid down onto the floor next to her friend and sat there shoulder to shoulder with her in silence until she was ready to talk to her.

When she finally did say something her voice was so quiet Traci had to strain to hear her. "We should've heard something by now...they said that they would be moving him back." Traci turned and looked at her friend, but she refused to make eye contact – instead focusing on the bottom of the counter on the other side of the hall, so she reached for her hand that was currently holding her knees up to her chest, and interlocked their fingers – giving it a squeeze, and looking away.

"I know."

"I need to see him...I...I can't..." A strangled sob stopped Andy from uttering any more words, and when Traci looked back at her shoulders were shaking from the effort of trying to stop herself from completely breaking down, although the tears were already falling. She didn't know what to say – there were no words she could offer to comfort or console her, so instead she tucked her arm around her shoulders and held her – kissing her briefly on the top of her head, and then holding onto her even more tightly.

Andy only let Traci hold her for a couple of minutes, before pulling herself free and pulling herself up onto shaky legs, batting the last of her tears away with the back of her hand and walking back over to the counter with a steely determination set in her eyes. "I need you to tell me where I can find the Recovery Unit."

"It's a closed ward – no visitors, and no exceptions."

"But I..."

"I'm sorry Ma'am – it's a very seriously enforced regulation."

Traci stepped up to the counter, and placed a supportive hand around Andy. "Could you at least check for an update on one of the patients there for us? Sam Swarek – they were supposed to be moving him back up here tonight, its 10pm – and we haven't heard anything yet."

Andy absorbed every detail – from her hand reaching out to pick up the phone and dial the relevant extension number, to her shaking her head resignedly at them and hanging up the phone. "There's no answer at the moment I'm afraid – they must be busy."

"You barely even let it ring!" She wanted to hit her, she wanted to clamber over the counter and smack her in the face. Andy's glare was matched by one from the woman across the counter.

"If you'll excuse me Ma'am, I have work to do. I think you should go home and get some sleep, so that you remember how to talk to people like human beings."

Traci spoke before Andy had a chance to, knowing that the response she would give to her would not help the situation. "I'm sorry – I know you're busy, and she doesn't mean to be rude – she's worried. We haven't had an update since this morning, and we just want to know what's going on. Please?"

The nurse peered at the two women standing opposite her over the rim of her glasses, and appeared to consider her response for a few moments before offering Traci a nod of agreement. "Just give me five minutes." She pushed herself backwards in her chair, stood and made her way out the door directly behind her – and Andy's eye's flashed indignantly at Traci when she caught her eye.

"You didn't have to apologise for me – I wasn't rude, she was being ridiculous!"

"Let's just wait and see what she says."

Andy paced back and forth between the counter and the opposite side of the hallway for twenty minutes, and was just contemplating setting off the emergency alarm from the first patient room to get a response from someone when the nurse she was waiting for walked out from the lift about two metres away and stepped up to her, ushering her into a seat next to Traci. She stayed in the seat for all of about five seconds, before springing to her feet again when she saw a flash of dark hair in the bed that had been wheeled out behind her – but her attempts to get closer where hindered by the nurse – who stepped in front of her when she tried to move around her. "Sam?"

"They we're prepping him before I went down there – you need to give them some time to get him settled in and stable. Have a seat – and I will come and find you when you can see him." She smiled warmly at the wide eyed woman attempting to get past her, while holding out her hands to block her access.

"No! I...I just need...just one second...please?"

Traci stood and wrapped her arms around her from behind in an attempt at comfort, and also to keep her back. "Let them get him fixed up sweetie – it's not much longer. Let them get him stabilised in there, and then you can spend the rest of the night with him – just hang on a little bit."


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty – Three**

The hands on the clock in the hallway had moved on to 2.00am before anyone allowed in to sit with him. Andy would have ploughed through his doctor and straight through his doorway if it wasn't for the look Sarah had given her when his doctor had said it was two people at a time maximum. Sarah didn't need to speak – Andy picked up everything she was saying to her from just one harsh glance. '_He's my brother – I'm going through that door, you left'_. She opened her mouth to say something, to plead with her – but she was gone, Paul right behind her, before she even had a chance. Traci watched the scene unfold before her, reached out to hold onto Andy before she crumbled to the floor in a heap and turned to Jerry and Oliver with a pleading expression on her face – pleading with them to do something, fix it – before her best friend completely fell apart at the seams. Jerry returned her gaze with a bewildered expression, and shrugged his shoulders in an indication that he had no idea what to do. Oliver unwrapped himself from a sleeping Zoe, and stood up – studied Andy intently for a few seconds, until he couldn't look at her anymore – huffed out a sigh, and turned on his heel – opening the door to Sam's room and venturing in without a knock or an invitation.

"Sarah I..." His words died on his lips as he stepped inside, and she turned to look at him with a questioning gaze. He swallowed thickly a few times, and attempted to pull some kind of sentence together in his head – and for a moment the only sound in the room was from the beeping of the monitors attached to his friend, the rhythmic sounds of the respirator and the latch on the door as it closed behind him. He had only so far only managed to wrangle a visit to him here when he was awake and talking, and wasn't prepared for seeing the harsh reality of him horizontal on the hospital bed in the middle of the room – completely unmoving. There was something really unnerving about the rise and fall of his chest in time the cumbersome machine and tubing attached to him – it was too mechanical. "...she needs to see him."

Sarah studied the man in front of her for a moment, as if she was considering his words, before shaking her head slightly at him and averting her eyes – looking back and Sam and Oliver noticed the grip she had on her brother's hand tighten. Paul unpeeled his hand from Sarah's other death gripping fingers, and ran his fingers through her hair in a comforting gesture before finally resting his hand on her shoulder, and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Sarah – I can wait outside, I'll be right outside if you need me – she can come in."

Sarah's head whipped back and looked up at her husband – her eyes wide. "No...No! I want you to stay...I need you to stay...I can't...I need you to be here with me."

"Sweetheart I'll be right outside – I'm not going anywhere, but Ollie's right. You can't make her wait out there..."

"No...Ok? She left. He needed her, and she wasn't here. I asked her to come back with me – I know she was upset, but I asked her to come back with me – told her that he wanted to see her, but she wouldn't. She doesn't get to push you out now – I need you in here with me."

Oliver took a few steps forward until he was stood next to Paul, and knelt down beside Sarah's chair – pulling her focus away from her husband. "Sarah – she's in pieces. She just wants to be able to hold his hand – you can't seriously be upset with her about yesterday, she's been through a lot..."

"And I haven't? Sam hasn't?!"

"That's not what I said. You know what kind of look he would be levelling at you right now if he could hear this?"

Sarah flashed a humourless smile at her friend – one of her brother's best friends. "Well he would have to be conscious to do that, which is one step up from where we are right now."

Oliver reached out and placed a hand on her knee, pleading with her to listen to him, and gave it one last shot. "You asked me if she loved him...you remember that? You haven't seen everything they've been through – I doubt Sam would ever give you the unedited highlights Sarah, but she is completely in love with him. It's a mutual thing – take it from me, ok? I have had to sit back and watch their relationship unfold from an almost infantile aggravation into the kind of total love that would make most people jealous – and I'm not just saying that because I'm a romantic. If you spend enough time around the pair of them when he comes back from this then you will see it for yourself. She needs to be in here – with him."

"_If_..." Oliver sucked in a harsh breath as he took in the wide eyed tear filled gaze of the woman in front of him. "You said _when_..._when_ he comes back, you heard what they said...at the moment we only have _if_."

"They don't know Sammy – it's a _when_ honey...I'll be right outside, ok?" Paul leaned forward and kissed her sweetly on the cheek, before indicating to Oliver that he was heading for the door.

Oliver gave her a small half smile as he pulled himself to his feet, and took a couple of steps backwards, "Definitely a when..." He reached out and patted Sam's shin lightly on top of the hospital covers. "You hear that brother..._when_...none of this _'if'_ tom foolery – you're not getting away with that – you understand me?" He glanced back at Sarah, and she returned his small smile as he turned and followed Paul back out of the room.

Paul stopped in his tracks, and felt his heart stutter in sympathy as he pulled open Sam's door and saw the broken woman curled up in a chair directly opposite him. He hadn't spoken to her much, not really, no-one had hardly uttered a word to each other in the past twenty-four hours, but he was perceptive enough that he had picked up on the increasing levels of despair radiating off her gradually as the hours had passed. Her friend was curled up next to her, her arms wrapped around her in an attempt to instil some comfort – but it didn't look as though she was even registering her presence – her face was empty, she wasn't even looking at anything, her eyes unfocused – just simply staring straight ahead. He found it hard to reconcile the image of the person in front of him with the mental image he had created from Sam's many descriptions of her. He walked over and knelt in front of her – taking hold of her hand, and attempted to gain her attention. "Andy? Hey...you..." when her eyes found his he faltered slightly, taken aback by the level of emotion that was suddenly evident in them. "She doesn't mean to be...she was out of line, and she knows that...just don't be too hard on her – it's taken me a long time to get a handle on those two, and I'm still not completely there yet...for a long time all they had was each other – she's not completely used to their being someone else in his picture – it'll take her a while. She knows how important you are to him." Andy's eyes left Paul and flew up to Oliver as soon as he emerged from the doorway, wide and questioning.

"Go ahead – you can go in." His voice was strained, attempting to keep the waiver of emotions away, and Zoe instantly reached for his hand – standing and pulling him towards her, but Andy flew from her chair and wrapped her arms around his neck in seconds – holding onto him so tightly it was nearly a stranglehold. Oliver froze momentarily, a little unsure of what to do, before he wrapped his free arm around her and hugged her back – whispering reassurances to her. "It's ok...go on...go ahead". Andy unravelled her grip on him slightly, and stretched up and kissed him gratefully on the cheek.

"Thank you." Both their tear filled gazes locked on each other in a moment of understanding, before Oliver dipped his head in a single slight nod of acknowledgement, and Andy stepped back and around him opening the door to Sam's room and stepping inside. Oliver offered a wavering smile to the gathered group still outside, and just about managed to get a stuttered "...he's going to be ok" out before Zoe wrapped him in a hug.

She knew her eyes were on her as soon as she stepped in. Could feel them analysing her, and she was intending to talk – say hi, something in a way of greeting – but she just couldn't muster the sounds. She almost wished that she had seen him earlier – before they had taken him off the respirator for the first time. It was hard enough seeing him laid out in a hospital bed the first time, but this was a whole different board game. The amount of machines, and tubes he was attached to seemed to have multiplied two fold – and she instantly hated the noise of the respirator – a constant reminder that it was breathing for him, and she wasn't sure whether she should be pleased because as long as she could hear it she knew it was helping him breathe – or whether she should hate it because of the very nature of its existence. She walked over to the other side of the bed from where Sarah currently resided, perching herself on the edge of the mattress – wary of the wires and machines, and reached out a shaking hand – wrapping her fingers around his and studying his face. He seemed weary, and tired – whether it was her psychological state of not she couldn't be sure, but the lines around his closed eyes seemed deeper and he looked pale – really pale, he actually looked sick instead of just looking like he was sleeping. Andy finally chanced a look over at Sarah – unable to ignore the fact that she was staring at her anymore. "He's going to be ok...he's going to be fine...he has to be."

Sarah averted her gaze, and looked down at her own hand gripping onto Sam's "What happened?" She looked back up at Andy in an attempt to read her reaction. "I've already heard Sam's version of events – I need to know yours."

Andy looked away from her for a second – her eyes flicking back to Sam before she answered. "I don't know how much I can tell you...I don't know what happened to him Sarah, the last thing I remember is him talking to me – I can't tell you what happened after that. If anyone else knows what happened they haven't told me."

"So start at the beginning...the very beginning, until you get to the last point you remember."

Andy returned Sarah's unyielding stare warily, and sucked in a breath to try ease the tension and uneasiness swarming around inside her. She glanced down at Sam's hand and tightened her hold in the hope that he would sense that she was there, and pulled his hand onto her lap – tracing circles on his knuckles with her thumb. . "What did he tell you?" She attempted to ready herself for the next words to leave Sarah by sucking in a shaky breath, but she couldn't make herself look back at her.

"The usual Samuel Swarek spin probably, and I don't think he really told me anything. He said that you're his partner, and you needed help – he was just backing you up and sometimes things go sideways...that it wasn't your fault." Andy's widened eyes flew back up to meet Sarah's face as she spoke the last few words, and she found it difficult to read the emotion in them. It looked slightly like the way she had looked at her in the cafe yesterday afternoon – but not quite, and she felt the need to reassure her "I'm not saying that I thought it was...it's just that's what he said. That's why he wanted me to come and find you – he wanted to make sure that you weren't blaming yourself for any of this, wanted to talk to you about it."

"What did he say when you told him I hadn't come back?"

Sarah noticed the lone tear sliding down Andy's cheek, but she wasn't sure if she had registered that she was actually crying – she made no move to wipe it away if she did."Not a lot...Jerry and Oliver were here, and even if they weren't I don't think he would be about to open up to me about it. He just asked if I'd found you, and I said you were with Traci – Jerry told him that they would look after you, that he shouldn't worry – they would make sure that you were ok and then I left for a bit, went to call Paul and the kids – I don't know if he said anything to them about it after I left."

"It wasn't that I didn't want to...I just...I just thought I needed some space to get my head together, I was all over the place...and when you said you thought he was going to die, when we were sat here and you said that...I just...I don't know, I just needed to get away. I wish I could turn the clock back – stop this from happening, I really do..."

"Why? What would you have done differently?" Sarah quirked an eyebrow to emphasize her second question – she didn't need to ask the first, the answer was obvious – but the second one she did.

"Everything! I probably wouldn't have even agreed to get involved – I would have agreed to leave when they tried to pull me off the case if I did. I definitely wouldn't have called him...and I wouldn't have waited until I thought I was going to die before telling him that I loved him – I would've said it a long time ago." Andy attempted to swipe away her now free-falling tears with one hand – she was well aware that she was not a pretty sight at the moment, but she couldn't bring herself to let go of Sam with her other hand – so only half successfully managed to pull herself together.

Sarah stood up from her chair and padded softly around to Andy's side of his bed and wrapped her arms around her. "From what I've heard it's been pretty obvious to everyone that you love each other – I'm pretty sure he knew before you told him Andy."

"That's not the point...I...its stupid – I don't even know what I was afraid of..."

"Tell me what happened..." Sarah gave her an extra tight squeeze, before pulling away and levelling her eyes to make contact with the red rimmed teary ones of the trembling woman she was holding "...please?"

**A/N – Here you go folks...I'm almost tempted to throw in a fluffy McSwarek flashback just to ease off on all the angst and drama – I'm depressing myself! Anyways...as always, I hope you enjoy/are continuing to enjoy and please hit that button and let me know what you think...I might even throw in that fluffy flashback if I get enough of a demand for one! xxx**


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty – Four**

"Hey handsome...It's me...I'm right here."Andy allowed her fingers to smooth through Sam's hair, and leaned forward to place a soft kiss on his temple before settling down on the chair beside his bed and interlacing her fingers with his. She glanced back at Sarah who she could see in her peripheral vision, and saw that she was currently sleeping awkwardly in the chair in the far corner of the room. She felt slightly more human now...after being dragged away from the hospital by Traci for an hour. She had insisted on her going back with her to at least pick up some fresh clothes and have something decent to eat. She had taken one of the quickest showers on record, pulled on some jeans and a clean vest top – but hadn't been able to give up Sam's sweater, which had been pulled straight back on again as soon as she had been half dressed. She forced a piece of toast down, along with some coffee while Traci made her sit at their breakfast bar for 20 minutes – and then as promised, she had bought her straight back. The only problem with leaving and then coming back was that when she left she could almost pretend that this wasn't happening –she came face to face with the realisation that life was still carrying on, despite the fact that she felt like her world had currently stopped spinning – had completely lost its centre. Walking back in and seeing Sam wired up and completely unresponsive only made it even more difficult for her to breathe – made the lead weight where her heart should have been seem even heavier. Even though she knew what she would see walking through the door to his room, the knowledge didn't make it any easier.

She looked back to him, up to his face and tried to block the machines, and the tubes and the wires – tried really hard to mentally erase them from what she saw in front of her and just see Sam – her Sam. She reached out her other hand to rest on his forearm – tracing lazy patterns from his elbow to the edge of his wrist and back again. If she allowed herself to stop and think about it she would probably wonder slightly what had happened to her – she was never really a particularly tactile person in relationships, but with Sam that had gone completely out the window – her need or want to touch him was never very far from the surface, and even in this situation it was one constant that was still always there – something that hadn't changed. "Everything is better with you...everything is better, and everything is safe and I can't live without you. I don't want to. You have to get past this...You promised...you promised me I would never be able to get rid of you without a fight – and I need you to fight Sam...I really, really need you to fight. I need you to fight for me. I don't want to live without you" Andy sucked in a shaky breath – battling against the lead weight that appeared to be pulling on her insides, but didn't try to wipe away the stray tears that were now falling – she had become so accustomed to them by now that it almost felt like a worthless effort. "...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry. I love you so much. This world is too big, and it's too dark and it's too much if you leave...please? Please stay..."

* * *

"Thank you."

Sam's only response was to issue a soft, genuine smile in her direction and lift her feet up off her couch so that he could sit down – allowing her legs to drape across his lap once he was settled and wrapped his fingers around her knee permitting himself to gently stroke along sensitive skin on the underside, and his smile grew even wider when he felt her breath hitch and her leg flinch and tense slightly. She smiled back at him, nudging his thigh with her heel in a warning against any exploitation of her ticklish spots – he raised a questioning eyebrow at her, but moved his hand to the safer territory of her ankle and gently massaged her warm skin there instead.

"What's this all this about?"

"What's all what about?" Sam looked back at her with a feigned innocence in his features, and she rolled her eyes at him – leaning over to her coffee table to discard her wine, but wasn't able to stop a small smile from pulling at the corner of her lips.

"Seriously? Why are you being so nice right now?"

"I'm a nice guy!" He attempted to sound indignant, but a twinkle of humour in his eyes gave him away.

"Dinner? Wine? Conversation...?"

"You say those things like you're surprised...like we haven't done any of them before...I'm actually a little offended McNally."

"Not like this! There was fancy table dressing going on over there and everything!" Andy raised a pointed eyebrow and waved her hand in the direction of her counter to emphasize her point.

Sam shrugged his shoulders in an attempt to downplay the situation. "I made you dinner Andy...it's hardly a big deal."

"That wasn't just dinner...that was...amazing." That response pulled a dimple sighting out for her, and she smiled automatically in response. "Don't let it go to your head ok? It could just be the case that I'm using you for your culinary skills you know."

"I thought you were using me for my body?"

His response pulled a soft laugh from her, and she pulled her legs away from him – tucking them underneath her and shifting her whole body closer to him – leaning in, but stopping just short of pressing her lips to his "That too...". Andy's smile increased in size when he swallowed thickly, glancing down to her lips and lingering there for a very long second before he met her gaze again.

"Is that so?"

"Mmhhmm"

"Were you planning on doing that tonight?" The edge she picked up in his voice, along with the way his darkening eyes studied her made her heart rate increase instantly and heat pool in the pit of her stomach.

"I was thinking about it."

Sam reached out and wrapped a hand around her thigh, nudging it up and across him so that she straddled his lap – gripping her thigh tightly underneath her blue dress to hold her against him, and wrapped his other hand in her hair closing the millimetres between them and brushing his nose across hers. "Just thinking about it?"

Andy's smile slowly disappeared, and she shook her head at him slightly when her now lust filled gaze met his –tugging at the bottom of his shirt, indicating that she was done thinking and was definitely ready to start the using. Sam untangled his hand from her hair, and wrapped It around her other leg – matching his other hand, and held her against him as he stood up. Andy instinctively wrapped her legs around him as he carried her through to her bedroom. dipping her head and trailing kisses along his jaw - nipping at him slightly, and nibbling his ear before placing the full focus of her attention on his mouth.

Andy took a deep breath in through her nose, and was about to issue a sigh in preparation of having to open her eyes and face the world when a horrible metallic smell assaulted her senses. She slowly prized open an eye, which instantly flew open in horror along with her other eye at the pair of eyes staring back her. She knew them, knew them well – but not like this; no warmth, love or humour – they were cold, empty and unblinking and just staring straight back at her. She scrambled out of her bed onto shaky legs and battled to swallow the bile rising in her throat – the metallic smell was blood...his...from the four bullet holes...she could see each one clearly, and it looked as though every single drop of his blood had been soaked up by her sheets, the ones she had been wrapped up and sleeping in.

Andy's eyes flew open, and darted around the room to try and ground herself back in reality – fighting against the hyperventilation that appeared to have followed her through to her now completely awake state, her saucer-like horrified and panicked gaze eventually landing on a silent questioning look from Sarah in her chair on the opposite side of Sam's bed.

"You ok?"

Andy didn't trust herself to speak, but just about managed a nod of her head in response – increasing her grip on Sam's hand as if it was her lifeline, and averting her gaze back to him – trying to reassure herself that it was just a dream, a horrible...horrible... far too real feeling dream – but a dream none the less. She forced herself to remember the real ending to that evening, refusing to let her subconscious taint it for her. It had been their anniversary – one year anniversary – or evidently what he had counted as their anniversary. He was counting from the Alpine Inn, and she was counting from the end of her suspension – so there timing was off. She felt bad...awful actually – it wasn't that she hadn't remembered exactly – more that she was counting down to a different marker. She had known that it was something, but he hadn't said anything so she had let it pass. She woke up at 2am to find he was watching her sleep, and he didn't say anything then either – just smiled and placed the jewellery box on the sheets in between them. She toyed with her necklace at the memory – she hadn't taken it off since, and she had spent the rest of that night and most of the following morning trying to show him exactly how important he had become to her life and her world. She was definitely not going to let her subconscious take that beautiful night away from her.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Andy met Sarah's concerned eyes again, and attempted a smile...it was a shaky, trembling one – but it was the best she could muster. "Not really...no."

"Well if you do..."

"Thank you...but it's ok."

Sarah nodded in acknowledgement, and issued a small smile in return. "Well if you change your mind..."

"I know...thank you."


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty Five.**

Jerry knocked on the door in front of him, and pushed it open slightly – sticking his head through the crack. "Hey...can I talk to you for a minute?"

Andy gave him a small smile, and nodded her head in agreement – but Jerry made no move to come any further into Sam's room – he threw a momentary concerned glance in Sarah's direction, which she thankfully didn't pick up on, and then his eyes landed back on Andy. "Not in here...can you just come out for a second? It won't take long..."

Andy stood, placed a parting kiss at Sam's temple and issued a promise that she was going to be just outside and wouldn't be gone long, before walking back to Jerry and following him out the door. Andy's steps faltered slightly as soon as she made it out to the hallway, and saw Luke standing there – he gave her a small half smile in greeting, which she didn't return – her questioning gaze instantly seeking out Jerry's. "What's going on?"

"It could be nothing...I just need you to look at these photos and tell me if you recognise anyone." He thrust a file in her direction, and Andy looked through the various pickings of surveillance photos on offer – her stomach clenching, and her eyes met Jerry's gaze again.

"Of course I recognise them...they're all tied up with Krzeminski – I spent..."

"What about this guy...do you recognise this guy?" Jerry reached into the file and pulled a photo from the back of the pack – holding it up in her direct line of vision, and she instantly paled as she took in the face staring back at her – swallowing thickly, she tried to speak but no words would emerge so she offered a small nod of her head.

"Where from?" Andy's eyes momentarily focused on Luke...it was the first few words he had spoken, before turning back to Jerry – offering him her response.

"He worked with these guys...he was at the warehouse, he..."

"Is this the guy that roughed you up? That assaulted you?" Andy physically flinched at the question, and Jerry offered a warning glance back to Luke – silently asking him to let him take the lead on the next question. Jerry took note of the miniscule nod of Andy's head and reached out to place a reassuring hand on her shoulder, giving it a small squeeze.

"I need you to think carefully, ok? Did you ever see this guy before the warehouse?"

"I don't..."

"Think about it Andy, it's important."

"Once...I saw him once, with this guy..." Andy riffled through the photos in the file again until she found what she was looking for"...I don't know what his real name is – they called him Pablo." She pulled the relevant surveillance photo of the person she was looking for out of the pack, and passed it back to Jerry. "What's going on? Are you guys..."

"He doesn't work for Krzeminksi."

Andy's features crinkled in confusion, and she finally made herself look over Jerry's shoulder to Luke – properly look, and he was wearing an expression she couldn't quite place. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm sorry." Andy raised a pointed eyebrow in his direction in question, unsure of what he was apologising for out of the whole list of things she though he owed them for, but Jerry distracted her attention before she could ask the question.

"How's Sammy? How's he doing – no respirator anymore...that's got to be a good thing right?"

"Yep...it's...he's doing ok. The infection is more or less gone, and they took him off it this morning – so far so good...they're keeping him sedated though – I think they're looking at it as enforced rest...until they can operate again..."

"When's that going to happen?"

"Tomorrow...tomorrow morning."

"Then we get him back." It was statement, not a question and he flashed a small smile at her in confirmation. It raised a small half smile from her, but broke out the anxious waves in her stomach again...she knew that it was what they had said, that they had been astounded by the level of recovery that he seemed to be making – but after last time, after allowing herself to believe that everything was going to be ok only to be plunged back into the depths of hell again, she didn't want to let herself believe it to be true...not yet. "Ok...thank you for this – do you want Traci to drop anything by later when she swings round?"

"No...No it's ok, I'm good – thank you though." Jerry flashed one more final smile at her, and turned to leave – but stopped after a few steps when he heard her voice again. Luke was still rooted to the spot, unable to tear his eyes away from her and when Jerry threw a questioning glance his way he saw the colour completely drain from his face and his eyes widen in an attempt to portray his apology in physical form.

"What did you mean he doesn't work for Krzeminski?"

"I'm sorry...ok? I am...I didn't know..."

"Didn't know what?"

"About Marco...Masons...The guy in that picture is James Mason...Jimmy Mason, and he doesn't work for Krzeminski...he doesn't particularly work for anyone – just has lots of fingers in lots of pies."

"As in the Jimmy Mason I asked you to look into for what happened to Sarah...?"

Luke let out a defeated sigh, and nodded his head resignedly at her. "Yes...same guy...He hasn't had anything to do with Krzeminski for years...I checked it out, but it looks like he got involved late as a favour to someone else."

Jerry attempted to intervene before Luke said something he couldn't take back...at the moment their evidence was purely circumstantial – they needed something solid before they could move on anything. "We don't that know yet...we're just trying to figure it out."

"Who?" Andy's gaze flickered back and forth between the two men stood in front of her waiting for them to issue a response, but nothing came. "Who? Who was he working for?"

Jerry took a couple of steps back towards her, and levelled his gaze directly at her. "Listen to me when I tell you we are going to fix this...ok? I promise you there is no way in hell that he is going to get away with this...but I can't get you involved, you are still on medical leave and until you are cleared – which you have to actually go the sessions for by the way, but until you are...trust me when I say we can handle this. I can't tell you anything else – but I promise you that I will make sure he hangs ok?"

"But..."

"McNally – I'm serious. You look after Sam ok? That's your task list for now...we know you're here looking after him, and we can deal with the rest."

* * *

Andy made her way back through the door to Sam's room – depositing a coffee next to Sarah, before abandoning her own on the cabinet beside his bed and perching herself on the edge of his mattress – resting her hand above the blankets, but very firmly on his knee – and sweeping her gaze over his face for any signs that he was starting to come round. The doctors had said it may take some time for the sedation and general anaesthetic to make its way out of his system, and as much as she had tried not to get her hopes up – she couldn't help it – couldn't help wishing his eyes open.

"He hasn't even twitched a muscle." Andy's pained and widened eyes landed back on Sarah, only for her brow to furrow in confusion at the half smile she saw aimed back at her. "Patience isn't one of your strong points is it?"

She returned Sarah's smile and huffed out an exasperated sigh. "I just...I...I really want him to just open his eyes. Even if the first words out of his mouth are some kind of sarcastic...whatever, I don't know...I just..."

"I know."

Andy's eyes dropped away from Sarah and studied Sam's hand, which she had unconsciously wrapped up in hers and was currently holding in a vice like grip. When she spoke again her words were quiet, and laced with emotion. "I wasn't here the last time...I need him to know I'm here."

"I'm sorry..." Sarah's words were laced with sincerity and Andy looked back to her with a silent question in her eyes. "...about before. I'm sorry. I was upset, and scared and I shouldn't have taken it out on you. Thank you for telling me – Sam never tells me anything, not really...it's like he's worried I'm not going to be able to take it – like I'm some kind of..."

"He doesn't want to upset you...worry you." She knew she wasn't saying anything that was untrue, but still felt the need to defend him to his sister.

"I know. I watch the news...I'm not completely oblivious to what the two of you do for a living, and I just wish sometimes that he'd stop trying to sugar coat it for me...I just wanted to say thank you anyway. Thank you for telling me the truth, and I'm sorry I was a bitch."

"I get it...If I was you I would have been mad at me too."

Sarah smiled, allowed herself to feel a little relieved that her apology seemed to be accepted and attempted to change the subject slightly. "It's Lou's birthday tomorrow...I haven't even had the chance to think about gifts...she's eight years old, what am I supposed to get her now?" Sarah didn't wait for a response from Andy – it was almost like she was just allowing the thoughts swarming around inside to be vocalised, without needing a response. "I spoke to her when I called Paul this morning...asked her what she wanted – do you know what she said?"

Andy smiled at her, and shook her head...waiting for her to continue.

"For me and uncle Sammy to come home and have some cake...she's eight years old, I can't even believe she said that...I was thinking she would have some long list of books...she's a bit of a bookworm...flies through them like wildfire, or a pony...that's the other thing...one of her friends had a pony, I thought that was going to come out of the woodwork at some point – but no...Just me, Paul, Jake, Sam and birthday cake."

"She sounds like a great kid."

"She is...she's a monster that can get away with hell because she's cute...especially where this one's concerned..." Sarah patted Sam's arm just in case Andy had been unaware of who she was referring to, "...even made him dress up in some ridiculous costume for her birthday party three years ago...I still have no idea how she managed that one...but she's a good kid."

The small smile playing on Andy's lips increased to a full blown grin with that piece of information, "What costume...?"

"He's going to kill me isn't he...?" Sarah glanced up at the ceiling, and rolled her eyes at the memory before looking back across the bed at Andy – attempting to try and control her increasing smile – but the anticipation dancing in her eyes pulled a small chuckle from her before she could stop it. "...a dinosaur...a full on...full bodied dinosaur costume...I will email you the photos."

* * *

Andy pulled her boots off, tucked her feet up underneath her and unfolded the paper – looking for an article she hadn't yet read – it was another part of her routine, reading to him from the paper. She had never been much of a news junkie, not enough to buy a paper anyway, but she knew Sam read them – so until he was back to reading them for himself she had decided that she was going to read them to him.

"Ok...you ready? What do we have...Ok.._Tropical Storm Isaac dumped torrential rains on Haiti and flattened tent camps housing survivors of a devastating earthquake, then began an assault on eastern Cuba on Saturday._

_Isaac killed at least four people in Haiti and was expected to strengthen into a hurricane before hitting the Florida Keys on Sunday and crossing into the Gulf of Mexico._

_Fuelled by warm Gulf waters, it was forecast to strengthen into a Category 2 hurricane with 100-mph (160-kph) winds and hit the U.S. coast somewhere between the Florida Panhandle and New Orleans at midweek._

_Isaac's march toward the Gulf comes as U.S. Republicans prepare to gather in Tampa, on Florida's central Gulf Coast, for Monday's start of their national convention ahead of the November presidential election._

_Energy operators in the Gulf of Mexico were shutting down offshore oil and gas rigs ahead of Isaac._

_The storm could spur short-term shut-downs of 43 percent of U.S. offshore oil capacity and 38 percent of its natural gas output, according to forecasters at Weather Insight, an arm of Thomson Reuters._

_Isaac's rain and winds lashed Haiti's southern coast on Saturday, flooding parts of the capital Port-au-Prince and ripping through flimsy resettlement camps that house more than 350,000 survivors of the 2010 earthquake..._"

"It's nice to know the world can still kick people when they're down huh?..." The sound of his voice unleashed a million butterflies inside of her, but her smile was instant – lighting up the whole of her face as she glanced over at him, his face turned towards her with his sleepy big brown eyes taking in every detail of her curled up in the chair next to him – a small smile pulling at the corner of his lips.

"Hey...you're awake." She reached out to take hold of his hand, unable to tear her eyes away from his in fear that he would close them again if she did. He didn't say anything...it was more a statement then question anyway, merely squeezed her hand in return to the one she offered him and looked at her...drinking in every detail from her hair haphazardly piled on top of her head, to the sweater that looked extremely familiar and back to the dark circles that were clearly evident under her big wide eyes, and then he saw her smile fall. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't here...I should've been here...I..."

It took a couple of long seconds for the fog in his brain to clear enough to register what she was saying, or what she was referring to – but he tugged on her hand as soon as he did, it wasn't hard – but it was enough to stop the flow of her words and make her move from the chair to the edge of his bed, enough to bring her closer. " 'S'ok."

"But I..."

"Andy its ok...you're here." He watched her, saw an indication that she was waging some kind of internal debate with herself through the flash in her eyes, and waited...waited for her to say whatever it was that was on her mind.

"I should go and find Sarah...she just went to call Paul...are you ok? Are you in any pain? I should go and find your Doctor..." He knew that wasn't it...knew that she had somehow talked herself out of it, but let it slide...increasing his hold on her hand to keep her where she was.

"I'm ok...Sarah will be back when she's done..."

Andy offered him a small shaky smile, and a nod of her head – letting him know she understood, understood that he was asking her to stay and that she wasn't going anywhere. "I love you." He smiled back at her, unleashing his dimples in full force and for a second she thought her heart was going to explode.

"I know...I love you too."

* * *

A/N...here you go folks...sorry it's a bit of a jump around all over the place update, but I wanted to get all of these bits in and none of them were long enough on their own...almost like 3 semi-chapters! Anyways...I'm working on the next one for you now, and will hopefully have it uploaded for you soon...until then..as always, please leave a mark and let me know what you think...your reviews feed my typing fingers, and thank you so much for taking the time to read. xxx


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty Six.**

Andy forced herself to let go of his hand, in an effort to resist the urge to tug on it and make him open his eyes again – she knew he was tired, sleepy – that the drugs that had kept his eyes closed for the past two weeks were still loitering around in his system and that he was in fact just sleeping, but she really didn't want him to close his eyes – it made her anxious and jittery, and as much as she tried to tell herself she was being ridiculous – she couldn't shake it. She forced herself to stand, and paced back and forth from the edge of his bed to the opposite side of the room in an effort to try and dispel some of the anxious energy bounding through her veins, and tried to look for something to distract herself with. She picked up the charts hung on the bottom of his bed, and blankly stared at the collection of numbers and graphs and lists of medications and dosages – none of which made any actual sense to her and puffed out a deep breath depositing them back in their hanging slots, before she paced back to the chair – picking up the newspaper that had been discarded on the floor an hour ago when he had opened his eyes. She didn't sit though, just stood in one spot stepping from side to side and agitatedly flipping from the pages – her eyes barely staying on one page for long enough to register any of the words. She relented after about 10 minutes, perching herself on the edge of Sam's bed and reaching for his hand – and leaning over him, taking in every detail of his face. She placed a gentle kiss on the corner of his mouth, before pulling back slightly and whispering in his ear – tugging on his hand gently the way she had been itching to do since he closed his eyes 15 minutes earlier. "Sam...? Sam...wake up. Sam...?"

She tangled her free hand through his hair, and his eyes slowly fluttered open. She smiled instantly back in response, and felt the anxious waves flowing through her slowly ebb away. "Hi."

"Hey..." The corner of his lips twitched slightly in the beginnings of a small smile, but Andy instantly felt both guilty and ridiculous for having woken him. He was tired, sounded tired...his eyes were still half closed, and she knew he needed to sleep. She leaned over him again, kissed him briefly and felt her heart stutter a little when he kissed her back – before forcing herself to sit back and give him some breathing room, interlacing her fingers with his because she couldn't bring herself to let go of his hand and smiled shyly at him. She saw the silent question in the way he looked at her, and averted her eyes - choosing instead to intently study their interlinked fingers and chewed down on her bottom lip – trying without success to ignore her increasing heart-rate and the butterflies swarming around inside. She had no idea how to even explain why she had woken him – didn't even know where to start. "Andy...?"

He squeezed her hand when he didn't get a response from her, and that pulled her eyes back to his again – they were glassy with unshed tears and she bit down on her bottom lip even harder in an attempt to stop them from falling. "What is it?"

She shook her head – more at herself than him, trying to shake some sense into herself and then tried to smile at him, tried to say that she was ok – but her smile barely registered. She swiped the corners of her eyes in an attempt to banish her tears before they fell, and tried her smile again. "Nothing...it's ok...I'm ok."

"Sam?"

Sam's attention was momentarily pulled away from Andy to the door and his wide-eyed sister currently standing with two cups of coffee in the middle of it. He only looked away from her for a minute – but it was just long enough for her to pull herself together, and when he looked back to her after issuing a small smile of greeting to Sarah she had completely boxed herself back in and was looking back at his sister with a bright smile. He was close enough to her to see that the smile didn't register in her eyes, but she refused to acknowledge the concerned look he threw her way – wouldn't look at him actually, she stayed well and truly focused on Sarah as she passed her a cup of coffee and made a seat on the edge of the mattress on the other side of his bed – the vice like grip she still had on his hand the only obvious indication of the emotion that had been evident a few moments before. "I was going to come find you, but then there was Doctors and..."

Sarah smiled at her in response, trying to let her know that she didn't need to explain – that she was just happy her brother was awake – before ruffling Sam's hair (which earned her a fierce look that brought a smile to the faces of both women) and kissing him on the cheek in greeting.

* * *

"If I ask you a question will you be completely honest with me?" Sam glanced away from a sleeping Andy, and back towards his sister who offered him a soft smile. She had been sat in a chair next to him in complete silence for half an hour watching him watch Andy sleep without saying a word. Andy still hadn't let go of his hand, and he was currently tracing affectionate patterns across her edge of her hand with his thumb.

"Is she ok?"

Sarah took hold of his other hand and wrapped it up in both of hers before truly meeting his eyes. "I think she will be...You have to take care of yourself...If you're ok...then she will be." Sarah momentarily lost eye contact with him as he glanced back at Andy. "Are you going to be honest with me...? Because you can say no..."

"What...?" Sam looked back at his sister and waited for her to elaborate.

"Louise's birthday...it's Lou's birthday tomorrow. I'm driving back home tonight, so that I'm there in the morning...I've hardly been around, and I want to be there when she wakes up..."

"Sarah you don't have..." Sam stopped speaking as Sarah levelled a look at him that told him she wasn't finished.

"I know you're not going to be out of here for a quite a while, and if you don't feel up to it then please tell me...ok? Even if you decide tomorrow morning that you don't feel like..." Sam levelled a look at his sister that told her to get to the point, and she a brief smile broke out before she uttered the next words, "...she really wants to share her birthday cake with her uncle Sammy – I haven't brought them down here, not before...when...I just thought we could bring them down, just to see you for an hour..."

"You want to unleash the terrible twosome on me...those hyperactive hellcats..."

"It's ok if you don't..." It took a couple of seconds for her to register the wide dimpled grin that was being flashed at her, but rolled her eyes in response when she did. "Are you sure you're feeling up to it?"

"I'm their favourite uncle – of course I'm feeling up to it."

"You're their only uncle – and promise me...if it gets too much..."

"Sarah...its fine."

* * *

Andy's eyes flew open and she sat bolt upright in her chair when she felt a nudge on her shoulder – it took a couple of seconds for her wide eyes to notice Sarah was stood in front of her – panic instantly registering in her stomach before she noticed the small smile resident in Sarah's expression. "I'm gonna go...If I'm going to make it back home before midnight I have to leave now. I'll be back with the back with the Paul and the Cabbage Patch kids tomorrow. Sam's asleep...I just thought I better let you know I'm leaving..." Sarah's smile faltered slightly when she took in Andy's wide-eyed expression "Are you ok?"

Andy managed a brief shaky smile, a nod of her head and watched Sarah walk out the room – before letting go of a shaky sigh and instantly seeking out Sam in her line of vision...forcing herself to breathe until she registered the slow and steady rise of his chest indicating that he was still breathing and felt the tightness in her chest alleviate slightly, his face was slightly angled towards her – he had fallen asleep watching her sleep – and she reached out – wrapping her arms though his and kissing the edge of his shoulder, before resting her head there – closing her eyes, and willing herself back to sleep.

* * *

A/N...I know I say this at nearly the end of every chapter...but seriously thank you! Thank you for taking the time to review, and for the alerts...it has literally been so much more than I could have hoped for - you are all amazing!...anyways, here is one more (small - I know - I'm sorry) instalment for you. I hope you enjoy, and remember to continue to hit that button! xxxx


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty Seven.**

"Hey...she wakes! I was starting to think somebody might have slipped you some kind of horse-tranquiliser or something...was almost going to pull the alarm cord if you snoozed for much longer." Sam shifted slightly when he felt her stir on his shoulder, reaching up a hand to tangle in her hair and placed a kiss on the top of her head. Andy prized open an eye and peered up at him through her eyelashes, returned the half smile he was offering her and huffed out a sigh – before scrunching her eyes closed and nuzzling back into him again, attempting to somehow bury her face in his shoulder.

"You know I don't do mornings..."

Sam peered at the clock on the far side wall of his room and raised an unseen eyebrow at her. "Its 2pm Andy...it's not exactly morning."

"I've got a lot of sleep to catch up on...and I was up, awake and showering at 5.30 this morning while you were still snoring like a freight train..."

Sam snorted in response, and she felt him laugh through the vibrations under her cheek. "Like a freight train?"

"Uncle Sammy!" The high pitched squeal of a little voice followed by what sounded like a stampede of tiny feet brought Andy straight to her senses, flying back to the upright position in her chair – wide eyes focusing on the door just in time to see a small boy with a mass of dark curly hair and bright blue eyes come bounding through it, clamber onto the edge of Sam's bed and launch himself at him – wrapping his arms around his neck in some kind of stranglehold. Sam attempted to hold in a grimace from the pain unleashed by his sudden ambush, but the clenched set of his jaw and the flash in his eyes gave him away. Sarah raced through the door no less than a minute later, eyes wide and her concern clearly displayed on her face.

"Jake! No! Jacob Evans I told you to be careful – you're going to hurt him. Get down from there this minute...I swear to God..."

"S'ok...It's fine Sarah...it's fine." Sam swallowed harshly a few times, and attempted to force himself to breathe through the pain currently coursing through him, wrapping an arm around the little one and offering his sister a small smile that didn't quite placate her concern – he did a good job, she would give him that – but she could see the evidence that it was blatantly not fine still lingering in his slightly pained expression.

"Jake I mean it. You have to get down – c'mon let him go." She reached for her son, attempting to take a hold of him around his waist and pull him back, which only served to make him tighten his grip around Sam's neck and cling on for dear life.

"Nooooo!"

"Jacob...I am not playing, this is not a game. You're hurting your uncle – let him go." She reached for his little hands that were gripping together behind Sam's neck and attempted to peel them apart from each other, and Sam levelled a look at her that clearly told her to let him go.

"Sarah...you're not helping...its fine, he's fine – leave him." She peered up and was met with a glare from Sam that was even harsher than the way he hissed his words at her, and levelled one of her own back in an attempt to tell him in no uncertain terms that she was fully aware that he was not fine. Andy watched the scene playing out in front of her in a wide eyed stunned silence.

"Jake...you heard what she said, get down." Andy's attention was pulled away from the scene directly in front of her to find Paul standing in the doorway, with another small person hiding behind him slightly – with big brown eyes flickering between her and Sam. She smiled at her – which sent her into complete shy mode, and she tried to completely hide herself behind her father. "Jacob Evans...if you want ice-cream later you get down off that bed, and listen to your mother." The little boy that Andy was now fully aware of as being Jacob Evans and the younger of Sarah's two children appeared to consider his father's ultimatum for a moment before slowly unwrapping his arms from Sam's neck – but he made no move to get off the bed, just smiled up at his uncle with his own mean dimples and Sam smiled back at him, reaching up to ruffle his hair.

"Hey buddy..."

"Sorry..."

"It's ok...it's fine."

The whole exchange melted Andy's heart a little bit. It wasn't like she was broody – the thought of children or having them had never really entered her head for serious consideration, but seeing Sam interact with his rambunctious little nephew was doing strange things to her insides. Jake still made no move to get down from the bed, merely just plonking himself back down again and shuffling backwards up the bed until he was sat next to Sam – which is when his big blue eyes landed on Andy for the first time. She flashed him a small smile, and he studied her face hard for a few minutes. "Who are you?"

Sam smiled widely at her before initiating an introduction. "Jake...this is Andy...Andy, this little rugrat here is Jacob Evans...my nephew..." he ruffled his hair again earning himself a scowl which increased the size of his grin, "...and that beautiful one over there is Louise – my niece – am I gonna get a hug from you too birthday girl?"

Andy glanced back at the young girl who had previously been attempting to hide from her behind Paul, and saw her face light up in a wide smile. She glanced over at her mom, as if she was silently asking if it would be ok – to which Sarah looked back at Sam and issued an eye roll, why she even bothered trying to keep them in line when he was around she had no idea. She puffed out an exasperated sigh, and looked back at her with a small smile. "Its fine sweetie – just be careful." She glanced over at Andy briefly with a curious expression, before letting go of her dad's hand and walking over to the edge of Sam's bed – stopping in her tracks, and glancing up at him with a worried frown.

"Lou...its fine. Come here will you – I can't hug you over there." She walked a little closer the to the top end of his bed, and pulled herself up to sit next to her brother. Sam reached out an arm and pulled her to him – placing a kiss on the top of her head. It took a couple of seconds for her to react, but when she did she wrapped her arms around his neck and held onto him like a vice – burying her head in his shoulder. "Happy birthday sweetheart".

Jake watched the scene in front of him unfold, and decided that he wanted to be in on the action too – attaching one arm around Sam and one arm around his sister, and attempting to bury himself in between the two of them. Sarah rolled her eyes at the trio, before reaching out to take hold of Jake and pull him off the bed and patting Louise on the shoulder as an indication that she should let go of Sam. "Ok you two...that's enough, you're going to suffocate him in a minute." She planted Jake's feet firmly on the ground, and Louise reluctantly let go of her uncle and shimmied herself off his bed – sitting in the chair next to it instead. Jake wondered around the end of Sam's bed and walked up to Andy – peering at her curiously, and she suddenly felt really uncomfortable under his scrutinizing gaze, the look on his face definitely indicated that there was a question brewing.

"Are you McNally?"

Andy glanced back over to Sarah, who appeared to instantly wear an amused expression – she attempted to overwrite it by pursing her lips together in a straight line, but there was definitely amusement there, and then she looked back at Sam who's eyes had become comically wide..."Jacob Evans...don't you dare..." The little boy looked up at his Uncle with big wide innocent eyes, and the next words out of Sam's mouth only served to heighten her curiosity. "Don't you dare pull those baby blue's on me...you know what secret means."

"But..."

"No buts...absolutely no buts whatsoever – pack it in."

Jake looked back up at Andy, and appeared to consider his uncles warning – ultimately deciding that it wasn't worth the risk and instead clambered up onto his bed and made a seat out of his thigh – thankfully not the one still recovering from a bullet. Sarah attempted to issue a warning of "Jake...I told you to..." from her seat on the other side of Sam's bed – Louise wrapped up on her lap, but didn't get very far when he turned and pouted at her.

"I want to stay here...I won't hurt." His pleading expression moved on to Sam – looking for confirmation, a big wide dimple flashing smile taking over his face when Sam looked back at his sister with an acknowledging smile.

"He's fine - it's ok."

Sarah had made at least five attempts to uproot them and leave after the first hour, but their visit ended up lasting for over four – the threat of screaming tantrums from her two children as she attempted to drag them away – along with Sam's reassurances that he was fine and they could stay for as long as they wanted did nothing to help her efforts. Andy had excused herself from the raucousness after the first hour – giving Sam some time with his family without her there, and managed to keep herself occupied for half an hour before giving in to her need to go back - returning with birthday hats, streamers and cake for everyone. Louise's face had lit up at the sight of the hats – and had finally overcome the shyness caused from Andy's presence when she helped her pick out who got to wear which hat – Sam ending up with two, one of his own and the one he insisted should belong to the birthday girl – but had relented as soon as she had attached it to his head and he saw the smile it brought out of her. They had sung three rounds of happy birthday throughout the afternoon, munched on cake and sat through Jake's re-enactment of his favourite comic book sequence, and Louise had read them three chapters from her new favourite book that had been wrapped and waiting for her when she arrived at breakfast that morning. Paul and Sarah had barely been able to get a word in edgeways over the two of them, but had been quite happy to let them sit back at take centre stage. It was another thirty minutes of hugs and kisses goodbye after Sarah had eventually convinced them that they needed to go. Andy was taken slightly by surprise when they both wrapped their arms around her, and made her promise to come visit – her shell-shocked gaze noting a wide grin from Sam before she agreed. Louise also whispered a request in her ear for her to promise to "look after Uncle Sammy..." which completely melted her inside – and earned Louise a shaky smile, and a cross my heart promise that she hadn't used since she was in grade school.

Sarah had made it half way to the door with Louise, where Paul and Jake were waiting for them, before she seemed to root herself to the spot for a second, then turned around and ran back to Sam – pulling herself up on his bed and clinging onto him – wrapping her arms around his chest holding on to his as tight as she possibly could. Sarah rolled her eyes, and let out an exasperated sigh. "Loulou...let's go. You've got school tomorrow and we're going to be getting home late enough as it is...Louise..." Sarah started to head back over to peel her daughter away from her uncle, who had wrapped an arm around her to return the hug – but stopped when she sat back up – looking up at Sam with big wide worried eyes.

"I don't want you to be in the Police anymore..." Her voice was really quiet, and the tone of it stopped Sarah in her tracks.

Sam swallowed thickly a couple of times, the expression on her face breaking his heart a little bit and he attempted to offer her a small smile – rubbing his hand up and down her back in a comforting gesture.

"It's my job Loulou..."

"I don't want you to get hurt..." she looked away from him and suddenly became very interested in the hospital blanket she was sitting on. Sam's eye's darkened dangerously and sought out Sarah with a threatening glare, but the look of shock on her face clearly indicated that she had nothing to do with the words that had just left her daughter. She walked over to the pair of them, and perched herself on the edge of his bed behind her, running a comforting hand through her hair. Sam nudged her chin, making her look back up at him with her big brown teary eyes, and smiled at her again.

"I'm fine...I'm going to be ok. You don't have to worry about me. I'm careful and I know what I'm doing – I've been doing it for a long time, and I have a lot of friends at work that will look out for me..."

"Promise...?"

"Promise."

Sam pulled her to him and wrapped her up in one final hug, placing several kisses on the top of her head before relinquishing his hold and Sarah took hold of her daughters hand, gave her brother a parting kiss on the cheek before gathering her family up and ushering them all out the door – issuing a leaving promise to Sam that she would be back to see him again tomorrow.

* * *

"What the hell is all this about...where is my lawyer?"

Jerry allowed a loud, audible sigh to escape him in a clear indication that he was already bored with his antics and stepped over to the table between them – turning the chair in front of him around and taking a seat – leaning forward on its backrest and peering at the man in front of him through narrowed eyes.

"Oh...he's already been summoned. We're just killing a little bit of time – I'm giving you the chance to do yourself a favour."

"What are you talking about?"

"Assaulting a police officer is a very serious charge Jimmy...I know I don't have to tell you how much every single Officer in this building would like to rip your limbs apart. Attempted murder of an Officer..." he pursed his lips, and let out a low whistle, "Geez...attempted murder of a Police Officer – that's a whole new level of pain that even you can't imagine."

"You don't scare me..." His fierce icy cold blue eyes met Jerry's gaze, and attempted to stare down the detective sat opposite him.

"Right...I'm pretty sure I don't. How about Krzeminski...does he scare you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about..."

"Right...right, right, right. Of course he doesn't...allow me to let you in on a little secret James...the Police Officer you assaulted and left to die...works in my division...right here, I've taken it a little personally – and if you thought Krzeminski was somebody to be wary of you need to re-evaluate your decision...because right now, he should be the least of your worries."

"I didn't assault no Police Officer. You need to get your facts straight...I haven't worked with that man for years!"

"So who were you working for Jimmy...huh?"

"I already told you I have nothing to do with an assault on any..." his words died on his lips as Jerry pulled a picture of Andy out of the file in front of him and placed it in front of him, his eyes widening in realisation.

"You see Jimmy...the only problem with assaulting a police officer and leaving them to die, is that if you don't finish the job they will positively ID you, definitely testify and make sure that you rot in jail cell - never to see the light of day again...Are you sure you don't want to tell me who you were working for?"

* * *

A/N – here you go peeps! The last update from me for this weekend...I hope you enjoy, I promise Jerry is getting somewhere, everything will be revealed in due course – and some of Luke's questionable behaviour will also be enlightened – all will be told in time... :op

As for our fave McSwarek duo...watch this space...I have a couple of things up my sleeve for them too!

As always...please hit that review button! Xxxx


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty Eight**

Luke's attention was distracted from the pile of files in front of him by a slammed office door, and a clearly very agitated Jerry marching over to the corner of his desk. He pulled open a drawer so harshly that it almost flew clean off its hinges, and began rifling through some paperwork. Luke eyed him warily for a couple of minutes – trying to decide on the best tactic to use, but eventually decided to go with direct. "Did you get anything?"

Jerry didn't answer for a moment – pulled a black A4 hard backed notebook from the filing drawer and flung it on his desk, before huffing out a sigh – allowing himself to lean forward and brace himself on the end of his desk, his head dropping down and studying the floor in a defeated stance. "Nope...nothing...the guy said nothing, and now he's lawyered up to the hilt so we're not gonna get anything either."

"Doesn't matter – we have enough forensics from the scene...that coupled with McNally's testimony will be enough for the prosecution."

A growl of frustration escaped before Jerry turned and levelled a disbelieving glare in Luke's direction. "You know as well as I do that this was a hired job...who he was working for. If Mason doesn't talk we have no way of tying him to any of this – I can't just let it go, watch him walk away. We might be able to send Mason away for what he did to Andy, but that's only quarter of the story."

"At the moment we don't exactly have a choice do we? I think we've got enough to take Krzeminski – I've put a call in, I'm just waiting on the warrant – if this stuff is where Andy said it was then it's a no brainer."

"Ok...here's what we're going to do – you go and take another run at Mason, see if you can get him talking, because if I go back in there I will kill him. You deal with that...charge him based on McNally's testimony and sort Krzeminski. I am going to call in a few favours, and then I'm going to the hospital to speak to Sam – take his statement, see if there is any light he can shed on any of this or if he knows something we don't."

"He's awake?"

"Yeah...came round yesterday, we had a phone call from Andy."

Luke offered Jerry a nod of acknowledgement – and with that gathered up the files on the edge of his desk, and swept out of the office and down towards interview one – preparing himself to do battle. Jerry momentarily allowed himself to wallow in the frustration he felt, before reaching for the phone on his desk and dialling an old extension number – not waiting for the person on the other end to speak when they picked up the phone. "Keith – it's Jerry – Jerry Barber, I need to call in that favour."

* * *

It was quite difficult to read a book one handed, there was a skill to holding onto it and turning the pages with just five fingers...but Andy McNally nearly had it down. She was feeling quite pleased with herself for the accomplishment...that, and the fact that she was half managing to focus on the story enough to follow what was happening, despite her incessant need to keep one eye on a sleeping Sam to ensure that he was in fact still breathing. She could have used two hands if she really wanted to, but if she got into the habit of being truthful to herself then it was much more comforting to struggle reading a book one handed, and still feel the warmth of Sam's skin and his pulse under her fingertips (which at this precise moment in time were trailing patterns along the underside of his wrist down to follow the lines on his palm and back again). It was much more comforting and reassuring than filling both hands with some cold, harsh paper – and she could get away with it a lot more when he was asleep – she didn't have to worry about him picking up on her inability to leave him be. She had tried to sleep, but it just wouldn't happen. She couldn't keep her eyes closed – it stopped her from being able to watch him breathing, which is what had brought her to this point...curled up in a hospital chair next to him at 3am in the morning. The nursing staff had given up on suggesting that she should go home and get some rest a long time ago, now just accepting her as a permanent fixture – which she was grateful for. Some of them had been really sweet – even bringing her coffee, or treats from their break room when they did their rounds, and she had made a mental note to do something to thank them for everything – for looking after her and Sam. She felt him stir – felt the tensing of his arm under her fingers, and sensed his eyes opening and searching her out, but she made herself read to the bottom of the page – not really registering the words but at least giving the impression of reading them, before she glanced up met his gaze.

"What are you still doing here? You should go home and get some sleep in a decent bed...you look exhausted." His voice was raspy from sleep, and his eyes were still half closed but the concern behind his words was obvious.

Andy shook her head back at him, and forced her lips into a smile of reassurance – not quite trusting herself to speak. She knew he could read her far too well, and if she tried to speak the waver she knew would be evident in her voice would do plenty to give away her inner battle. She reached for his hand, interlacing their fingers, and looked back to her book in an attempt to look like she was engrossed in what she was reading. Sam squeezed and tugged on her hand in an effort to make her look back at him, and she squeezed her eyes shut for a second – willing a neutral expression into place, before meeting his gaze – her heart hammering painfully and feeding oxygen to the already anxiety feasted butterflies swarming around inside her. The concern she saw clearly displayed as she met his eyes only served to intensify her inner turmoil, but she forced herself to speak this time – managed to utter two words which she hoped would make him drop it, there was no way he was convincing her to leave. "I'm fine."

"Andy..." She should have known better...

"I'm fine...I thought you said once that dark circles could give a face character?"

"Go home...get some sleep, and come back in the morning."

"I can sleep here...if I was tired I would be able to sleep here."

"You should be at home...in bed." He was wide awake now – his eyes fully open and taking in every detail of her.

"I'm staying." It wasn't the actual words that gave her away, but the way she spoke them – she knew it as soon as she heard herself – harsh, panicked and anxious, and she would have slapped herself if she had been able to. As that wasn't an option she settled on averting her gaze and focusing back on the page of words in front of her – she was in no way ready to admit or acknowledge the reality behind them, she was only half acknowledging the reality to herself, so there was no way she was ready to lay it out there for Sam to worry about. She felt his eyes on her, sensed him studying every inch of her face but couldn't bring herself to look back him – refused to risk it.

"Andy...talk to me - what's going on?" He saw a flicker of determination in her eye, and the stubborn set of her jaw appear and pre-empted what he knew was coming next. "I swear...if the next words out of your mouth are _'nothing'_ or _'I'm fine'_ I'm going to get really pissed off with you."

Andy's grip on the book in her hand had now increased to white knuckle level, willing it to be an inconspicuous outlet of emotions, she momentarily closed her eyes...praying for the ability to suddenly develop a pro-gambling level of a poker face, opened her eyes again and tried to bluff it out for all her life was worth. She attempted a casual shrug of her shoulders, and then forced herself to meet Sam's gaze – speaking quietly in the hope that it would make the lie harder to pick up on. "I don't know what you want me to say..._I am fine__**.**_"

She knew from the look on his face that he didn't believe her for a second, that he knew something was going on – his eyes sweeping her face for any kind of clue to what she was refusing to tell him, but he didn't push her on it – he knew her well enough to know that it wouldn't get them anywhere. "Ok. You know if you change your mind...decide you want to talk about it...I'm here. I'm not going anywhere – you know that right?"

She felt her resolve falter at his words, and dropped her eyes to the frayed edge on the sleeve of the shirt she was wearing; discarding the book in her hand she reached out and picked at the thread. "I missed you." She chanced a glance back up to meet his eyes, the sincerity of her words and the vulnerability she felt saying them out loud were obvious to him – but she schooled her features after a minute, trying to force her neutral face back in to place, and averted her eyes again – choosing instead to study her fraying shirt cuff.

"Don't do that...you can talk to me Andy." Sam could see the wheels turning, saw her attempting to process something, and waited for her to speak – to say something – but nothing came, so he said the one thing he knew would get a reaction from her. "I'm sorry." Her eyes widened almost comically as they met his again, and if it had been any other situation he would have teased her about it, laughed at it – but not now. Her eyebrows knotted together in confusion, and he could see the question – see it coming before she asked.

"For what?"

"I should've handled things better...that day. I didn't have my head on straight – made some stupid mistakes, and I'm sorry it landed us both in here. I'm sorry you got hurt, and I'm sorry you've had to go through all of this." He waved his hand around gesturing at the hospital room that currently housed them.

"No – Sam...I..."

"I'm not done. Just for the record, I never doubted you for a minute and what happened in there – it's not your fault."

"Did you lose some brain cells in surgery or something?"

Sam allowed a momentary look of shock to flash across his face, before raising a questioning eyebrow in her direction. He wasn't completely sure what he had expected her to say, but it wasn't that.

"Why were you there?"

There was an edge to her voice that set his nerves on edge, but he had encouraged her to start talking to him so he wasn't about to back down now...not that there would be an easy route out of this conversation anyway. He knew what she was asking, and he knew what she wanted his answer to be. He tried to give his brain a chance to get a step ahead and have a minute to think it out – he knew what she was angling for, what she was building up to, but he wasn't going to let her have it. "Don't...ok? You know it's not that straightforward..."

"You were there because I called you...not saying it doesn't make it any less true. Those girls were slaughtered because of me and you almost..." '_Died'_ Andy's voice refused to speak the word formed in her head out loud – the reality of it being nearly true was still too fresh and raw, and part of her – the illogical, emotional, distraught wrecked part of her – still expected the rug to be pulled out from underneath her, still half expected for him to never wake up the next time he closed his eyes.

"I didn't. I'm still here." He knew as soon as he saw her reaction to his words that he had figured it out. The pained expression, and the almost instant sheen of unshed tears was all the evidence he needed – the anguish he saw in her eyes rested heavily, like a lead weight in his chest, and he gripped her hand a little tighter and pulled on it - trying to bring her out of her chair and closer to him, needing to hold her. "Andy..."

She didn't give in easily – she knew she couldn't speak, there was no way she would be able to utter a sound past the lump currently resident in her throat, but she shook her head vehemently at him in a futile attempt to try and convince him that wasn't what she meant. When that didn't seem to make a difference she tried to pull her hand away, there was no way she was going to let him comfort her – he was the one currently hooked up in a hospital bed, which is where she had put him – if anything she should have been the one comforting him. The only thing she achieved was to cause Sam's grip on her to tighten, and eventually she ceased protesting – allowing him to pull her to her feet and into a seated position on the edge of his bed. He let go of her hand, and reached up to grip his fingers tightly around the top of arm – pulling her towards him even more, and she starting shaking her head at him again – finding her voice. "No Sam...No...I...I'll hurt you."

"You're not going to hurt me...Come here."

"No...No, you'll..."

"McNally..." He wrapped both of his arms around her, and pulled her to him – holding her as close as he possibly could, with one arm wrapped around her waist and the other tangled in her hair. She felt him tense under her, and she knew that her weight against him must have been causing him pain but he refused to relinquish the hold he had on her. After about 2 minutes of just being wrapped up in his arms, her head buried in his shoulder and feeling his heartbeat under the palm of her hand – she couldn't keep the tears away. She tried really hard to – which actually made them worse, turned them into full body quaking sobs the left her gasping for air and an accompanying whimper that sounded like some kind of wounded animal. He whispered reassurances against her hair, and dropped kisses on the top of her head in an attempt to comfort her - moving his hand in rythmic circles from the small of her back to the space between her shoulder blades and back again. At some point she shifted so that her feet were pulled up onto the bed as well, curling into him and attempting to nestle even closer. The exhaustion and emotion loitering around her eventually lulled her to sleep, he felt her relax against him – felt her breathing even out, and slightly reduced his grip on her – gently holding onto her until the tiredness flowing through him eventually insisted on his eyelids closing too. It was that very scene that greeted Jerry the following morning.

"I didn't want to wake them." Sarah pulled Jerry's slack jawed, wide eyed expression away from his friend to find her curled up in a chair in the corner of the room with a wide smile. "Cute aren't they?"

Jerry grinned back at her, and offered his agreement with a nod of his head. "Indeed they are. I'm gonna have to...I need to talk to Sammy."

Sarah pulled herself up out of her chair with a sigh, and took a few steps over to the edge of Sam's bed – reaching out and running her hand softly up and down his arm a few times. "Sam? Sam...wake up...Jerry's here. Sammy..." She automatically stilled when she saw Andy stir, and smiled to herself when she scrunched up her nose in protest at the disturbance and attempted to bury her face even closer to Sam's neck. Her movement seemed to register with Sam – not enough to actually wake him, but enough for him to mumble something incoherent and tighten his hold on Andy's waist to stop her from moving away from him. Sarah looked back at Jerry with a raised eyebrow and a smirk, and he knew she was storing these sights up to use as ammunition at a later date. She looked back at Sam and jabbed him sharply on the shoulder a few times. "Sam...You have visitors..." He must have registered the feeling of her finger connecting with him – untangling his other hand from Andy's hair and attempting to swat her hand away like she was an annoying fly. Jerry grinned widely at the scene unfolding in front of him, and took a few large steps up to the end of Sam's bed – reached out and clapped his hands together at full force twice, causing both pairs of sleeping eyes to fly open.

"What the...Jer!" Jerry had to work extra hard to school the grin on his face to an appropriate level following the glare from Sam that his rude awakening had generated. He had missed his friend.

"Sammy, brother...man...as touching as this snugglefest is – we need to talk...now. McNally, go and get some coffee." Jerry peered sheepishly over at a wide eyed amused Sarah. "I'm going to need you to go with her."

"What? No...Jerry – what's going on?" When he looked back to Andy she was sat bolt upright – her questioning eyes landing on him with an unexpected fierceness.

"We've arrested Jimmy Mason – charged him, but I still need to take Sammy's statement. I'll come and find you in the canteen when we're done...let you know you can come back." He flashed a smile at her in the hope of convincing her that all was ok. It took a couple of minutes of her studying his face before accepting him at his word, and he didn't let out the breath he had been holding until she walked out the room with Sarah – closing the door behind them. Sam apparently knew better – and when he turned back to his friend the silent question as to what was going on was already evident on his face, the quirked eyebrow there for added emphasis.

Jerry allowed himself one prolonged deep breath before jumping in; he knew this wasn't going to be easy. "How you feeling?"

"What's going on?"

Jerry huffed out a sigh, and offered Sam a nod of his head in acknowledgement – he should have known he wasn't going to let them ease into this. "I need you to look at this photo, and tell me if this is the guy that put those bullets in you." He pulled a photo of Jimmy Mason out of his file, and passed it over to Sam, who studied it for a few minutes before shaking his head and passing it back.

"No...He was built like a brick house – definitely wasn't him."

"Ok...look at these, any of them the culprits?" He passed the whole file across, and pulled up a seat next to his bed – waiting for him to look through the details. Sam pulled a photo out of the file and passed it back and Jerry was met with the cold empty eyes of Pablo Nogales – it was all starting to make sense...Pablo was Jimmy's inside contact – had to be.

When was the last time you heard from Boyd?"

"What?"

"He's missing...has been for a couple of months it would seem...since around the time this whole sorry mess went down...a little bit before actually."

"I...he's not exactly my favourite person, it's not like we keep in touch."

"Ok – had any kind of contact with our biker friend Mr. Elmore?"

Sam resisted the urge to roll his eyes up the ceiling, but couldn't keep the sarcasm out of his reply. "Oh yeah...we're best buddies...see each other all the time. I've never even met the guy Jer...I thought he was in Kingston..."

"Nope...got sprung about 5 months back."

"Ok...I have no idea what you're talking about – what the hell are you..."

"Jimmy Mason...the guy who attacked McNally – stuck a knife in her and left her die..." the dark glare he got from Sam at that statement let him know that he was still going to have to tread carefully with this information, "...it would appear that he didn't actually work for Krzeminski, not really. He was there, put himself there as a favour to a friend...to Elmore. We're still trying to piece all this together...but...It's somehow tied up to Elmore and Boyd – I don't think Boyd is biker boy's favourite person either...the cover up of his mechanical skills on the Brennan family car didn't work out exactly as planned. If I'm going with my gut on this...Elmore tracked down Boyd, a little easier now he's been put back in uniform, and tried to elicit a bit of payback. Boyd was involved in starting to put together a case on the Krzeminski clan before internal fairs kicked his butt down a notch or two – and I think he must still be in touch with someone that's working the case. I'm guessing that he saved a few of his fingers by advising Mr. Elmore of McNally's role in his takedown, and promising a way of working out some kind of retribution." Jerry stopped to catch a breath for a second, before steeling himself...the tense set of Sam's jaw and the white knuckled clenching of his fists already highlighting the dangerously dark anger loitering near the surface of his friend, and he was about to make it worse. "But we can't prove it."

A/N...Here you go folks...hope you enjoyed and I promise to have the next update loaded by the end of the weekend. As always...please let me know what you're thinking – I am, and always will be...a review junkie! xxxx


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty Nine**

"Hey...are you done?"

The attention of both men was drawn to the doorway, and Sam felt his concern and protective tendencies leap into overdrive as he took in the appearance of a clearly agitated, wide-eyed McNally fidgeting with the edge of her sleeve and chewing down on her bottom lip – unable to meet his gaze. Jerry spoke before any words found their way to his lips though, so instead he listened to his friends words without allowing himself to look away – attempting to read every flicker of emotion he saw grace her features.

"McNally, you ok?" Jerry rose to his feet and took a few steps towards her, but faltered when she took a step back, eyes widening and nodded her head furiously at him before her eyes finally met Sam's.

"Yep...good. Fine...I'm fine...I just..."

"Ok...ok, yeah we're done." Jerry glanced over his shoulder at Sam, already knowing that his focus had now completely shifted to the other person in the room. "Sam...I meant what I said, ok? You have to...Sam?"

Sam couldn't tear his eyes away from Andy, felt his stomach churn when he picked up on the fact that she was actually shaking, but was aware enough of his friend to issue a response. "What exactly am I going to do Jer? I would have to get out of here first..."

"Ok...good, well focus on that for now and I..." he glanced back at Andy "I'm going to leave you two to it...Andy?" He took a few steps forward, and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder – grimacing slightly when she flinched under his touch, but the gesture worked – it pulled her wide-eye locked gaze away from Sam and over to him for a second. "Frank asked me to remind you about your session with Dr. Lemi tomorrow...you have to start going at some point. It's the only way you're going to get cleared for duty – and we need you back."

Andy nodded briefly at him in acknowledgement before seeking out Sam again, and making a move to step around him – but Jerry stepped in front of her – bending his knees and seeking her eyes again. "10 am Andy...your booked in for 10am." He knew from what he had seen in the past few weeks that the only way he had any hope of Andy turning up tomorrow was if Sam knew about it too, and Andy appeared to pull herself back together slightly at his words – her face moulding into a disapproving stare that told him in no uncertain terms that she was fully aware of his motives. Jerry made no apologies, he had promised Traci he would make sure she went this time – and if he was going to have to rope Sam into it then that was what he was going to do. He let go of her shoulder, and threw a half smile over his shoulder to Sam – not completely sure if he even registered it, and issued his goodbyes. "I'll be back tomorrow – let you know how it goes."

Sam nodded almost imperceptibly and momentarily glanced in Jerry's direction. "Yep..." and threw a "...thanks buddy," after Jerry's departing form, which was acknowledged by a wave of Jerry's hand as he walked out the door.

"That was a long statement..." Andy attempted a soft smile that didn't quite attach itself convincingly to any of her features, and desperately fought the urge to throw herself at him...keeping her feet firmly planted on the spot where she currently stood in the middle of his room.

Sam eyed her warily, his eyes sweeping her entire tense body from her ankles to eyebrows and back down to her fidgeting fingers – she had attempted to reign herself in, was battling with herself – that much was obvious, but she was also very visibly shaken and frayed around the edges and he wasn't sure which one of the million phrases and questions running through his head would be the best words to try and start off with. He swallowed harshly a few times, before letting out a heavy sigh and decided to ease into this conversation lightly. "We weren't just talking statements..."

"No?"

"Nope..." He smiled gently at her, "...proposals, babies, Traci, Ollie." He reached out a hand to her, indicating that he wanted her to come closer and allowed his dimples to make an appearance when she smiled back. Andy didn't need to be asked twice, making short work of the distance between them and taking a seat on the edge of his bed wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, and hugging him with everything she had left. He hissed slightly and involuntarily as the unexpected fierceness of her grip, but wrapped his arms around her automatically – holding her to him, and refusing to let her pull away – which was her automatic reaction as soon as she registered that she had hurt him. He felt her trail a line of kisses down his neck to his shoulder, along his collarbone gently nibbling intermittently and he sensed her smile against him as she heard his breathing hitch. She continued her treasure trail back up his throat and felt his hand tangle in her hair; he angled his head up slightly to give her better access, and tightened the fingers he had wrapped around her arm – holding onto her. "Andy..."

He had intended the way he mumbled her name to come out as a warning, but even to his own ears – knowing the intention behind them, it sounded more like a moan. He allowed his eyes to close and focus on the intoxicating spell she was weaving on him. Andy allowed one of her hands to slip away from the back of his neck – resting against his shoulder, and the other moved upwards – tangling itself through his hair and massaging gently at the bottom of his skull as she moved her nibbling to his jaw – carving a path to his lips, which she had always intended to be her finish line. She kissed him gently at first, only meaning for it to be brief but as soon as her lips met his she couldn't make herself pull away – needing the feel of his mouth on hers as much as her own oxygen supply. She nibbled on his bottom lip, requesting access and Sam willingly complied – kissing her back deeply, and with an intensity that took her a little by surprise. Andy melted into him, the warm fuzzy foggy-brained sensation that always came from Sam's kisses settling like a welcome relief from her antsy five-hundred mile an hour whirring thoughts and she tightened her grip on his hair, attempting to pull him closer and loose herself in the feelings that were starting to uncoil inside her. The weight of Andy against him coupled with the movement of her trying to pull him closer pulled another involuntary hiss of pain from his mouth – swallowed by one of Andy's hungry kisses, but she heard it all the same, along with the feeling of him tense and flinch under her and she instantly let go of him – pulling away sharply as if he had burned her, her eyes flying wide open and met his gaze with her concern blatantly obvious – the spell well and truly broken.

"Shit...Sam...I...I'm sorry."

"It's ok." He attempted a smile, but was pretty sure it looked more like a grimace because it did nothing to dislodge the look of horror currently etched on her face. He reached out and tucked some of her unruly hair behind her ear, before gently wrapping his fingers around the back of her neck and pulling her gently towards him until she was close enough for him to nudge her nose gently, and then missing her kisses he pulled her closer still – planting a soft reassuring kiss on her lips before finally relinquishing his grip, reaching down for one of her hands that were now firmly planted in the blankets on the edge of his bed – away from him. He took hold of her hand, and smiled at her again – intertwining their fingers, and this time it worked – earning a shy smile from her in return. "Don't be sorry..."

Andy glanced down at his hand gripping hers, and felt her cheeks burn – she knew she was blushing and she tried to keep the rising colour in her face at bay by biting down on her bottom lip hard, but it did nothing to help her predicament. She said the words out loud anyway; her blush had been brought on by her thinking them so she might as well just put them out there anyway. "I...It's just...I miss you." She chanced a shy glance back up at him, admittedly it wasn't the most articulate words she had ever spoken but she knew what she meant. With one look at Sam's face scrunched in confusion however, it would appear that he didn't.

"I'm right here..."

Andy blushed an even brighter shade of pink, and rolled her eyes at him. "Not what I meant genius...I mean I miss..." Her words died on her and she scowled at him as she picked up on a slight hint of him trying to dampen down a smirkish smile, narrowing her eyes in accusation – of course he knew what she meant. "Jerk!"

Sam stopped battling with himself, and unleashed a full smirk at the feigned glare of annoyance she was aiming at him prompting Andy to opt for a change of subject. "So proposals and babies huh?...something you want to tell me?" She peered up at him with a sweet smile and manically fluttering eyelashes, and he shook his head at her antics allowing a small laugh to escape before schooling his expression into one of deadly seriousness.

"Its top secret McNally – if I tell you then you have to keep it to yourself..."

"Did Jerry tell you Traci was pregnant?"

Sam's eyes widened slightly in disbelief, but smiled unknowingly at the excited toothy grin taking over Andy's face. "If you already know why are you asking me to tell you?"

"I already knew because Traci told me...said they wanted you and me to be godparents. I had already told you before..." her smile faltered as she remembered the events that had followed that one way conversation, and she wrapped her fingers around Sam's hand a little bit tighter.

"Andy..."

The sound of Sam's voice pulled her back out of her head, and she widened her smile at him again but the light in her eyes that had dulled slightly didn't brighten with it. "The baby I know about...but no one has said anything to me about a proposal...Is Jerry going to ask Traci to marry him?"

Sam studied her expression for a few moments – trying to gage whether to let her continue along the assumed route she was taking, or whether he should be honest with her. It wasn't a Nash/Barber wedding that they had been talking about – but he knew that now was definitely not the time to mention that. "No."

He didn't realise he had audibly spoken – thought he was running through the possible answers in his head, but as Andy's smile faded and her eyebrows knotted together in confusion as she peered back at him and he knew he had. "I thought..."

"No. It doesn't matter..." He attempted to change the subject, "We talked about the case...about you – not going to your appointments."

"Yeah – well I've had other things on my mind."

"Andy..."

"What? It's not like I don't know what happened...I was there. Talking about it in some stuffy office with someone I've never met before isn't going to change anything."

He raised a pointed eyebrow at her in an indication that he was fully aware of the fact that she had been making excuses, and wasn't going to let it slide. Fortunately she was saved momentarily from having this conversation by the return of a clearly agitated Sarah.

"He's still there...I can't believe he's still loitering around out there." Sarah momentarily stalled, sensing she had walked into the middle of something – but she was too worked up to stay quiet. "I told him to go – said you didn't want to see him...talk to him...but geez...guys persistent! Persistent, and smarmy and urrrgghh – what did you see in him? Can I hit him? Would someone arrest me if I just walked straight back out there and hit him?"

Sam glanced from his sister back to Andy who had become decidedly pale and was attempting to plaster a neutral look on her face that didn't even slot partially into place. He looked back over to Sarah, a silent question evident as to why she was so wound up – but she didn't answer, had moved on to studying Andy's expression instead. Sam knew who she was referring to – of course he did, but for some reason he found himself asking for clarification. "Callaghan?"

He saw Andy tense out of the corner of his eye, and felt something twinge inside him – there was something he wasn't aware of going on and the silent glances being passed between Andy and his sister did nothing to dispel his rising feeling of unease. "What's going on?"

"Nothing..." Andy tugged on his hand to bring his questioning gaze back to her, and tried to pull herself together enough to issue a reassuring smile. "Nothing's going on..."

Sarah snorted in disbelief at her words, and Sam's darkening gaze instantly seeked her out for clarification. She remembered herself, cursed herself as soon as he looked at her and she was reminded of the reality that none of this would sit well with her brother – in fact if he was able to, she knew he would have been outside wringing the blond detective's neck as soon as he knew, but she wasn't going to lie to him. "He wants to apologise..."

"Sarah...don't..." Andy pleaded with her not to say anything, but she knew her attempt feel on deaf ears as soon as Sarah perched herself on the edge of Sam's bed – she could tell by the determined expression on her face. "Sam...It...It doesn't..." She pulled on his hand in an attempt to get him to look at her, but he ignored the gesture – he knew she wasn't going to tell him so he kept his eyes trained on Sarah – waiting for her to speak.

"Apologise for what?"

Sarah took an audible deep breath and levelled a concerned look at her brother. "You have to promise me you're not going to freak out..."

"Apologise for what Sarah?" The frustration of trying to figure out the silent glances and the riddles getting to him, and the question came out harsher than intended – but he didn't apologise, just waited for her to speak. He felt Andy's grip tighten on his hand, and other hand wrap her fingers tightly around his forearm but still resisted the urge to look back her. Sarah glanced over at Andy – it wasn't her place to tell him, but she would if Andy didn't.

"He was in the canteen when we went to get coffee earlier...he wouldn't leave me alone, kept on saying that we needed to talk – eventually I just had to walk away, that's why I came back early...while Jerry was still here, I couldn't..." Andy wasn't looking at him anymore, focusing instead on her hand gripping his arm – her voice sounded distant and shaky, but she still kept talking. "I tried to call him...from the warehouse, before I called you. I tried to call him twice and all I got was his voicemail. That's when I panicked...after the second time, I panicked and I called you. I'm sorry – I shouldn't have called you...I know I shouldn't have called you, that I was wrong – but so was he. I can't let him try and sweet talk his way out of it – apologise, and then everything goes back to normal...I can't..."

Sam reached his other hand – the one that wasn't currently caught up in a McNally death grip – out to her, grazing his fingers gently down over her cheek to brush away the few silent tears that had fallen before nudging her chin up so she had to look at him. "I'm glad you called me." His voice was tight, restrained – he was holding the anger back, he wasn't angry at her – he wanted to skin Luke alive at that precise moment in time, but that wasn't her fault.

"How can you be glad?! I..."

"Andy if you hadn't called me we would never have been able to narrow down the search – it would have taken us ten times as long to find you...I don't even what to think about how that could have turned out. Losing you is not an option for me, ok? This could have turned out a hell of a lot worse."

"You wouldn't be hooked up in a hospital bed with four bullet holes."

"No...I would be dead...worse than dead and in a lot more pain that I am right now, so you need to stop – stop torturing yourself about this." Sam glanced back over to his sister, whose teary eyes had been watching the scene unfold in front of her. "Tell Callaghan that I want to talk to him."

Andy's eyes widened in horror, and she tugged on Sam's hand again to pull his attention back to her. "No! No...Sam – you don't..."

"I'm still bed bound Andy...it's not going to be a rehash of retraining. I want to talk to him."

* * *

A/N – sorry this update is almost a week late folks...I very annoyingly got sick, but I'm on the mend now...and have uploaded this offering for you! Please...as always...read...hope you enjoy, and please let me know what you think.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty**

Andy tried her absolute hardest not to react to his presence, to remain calm, aloof and unaffected – but she knew she failed miserably. She focused on her grip on Sam's hand when the door opened, and refused to acknowledge him – even though she could sense his eyes boring into the side of her head. She was determined to sit it out – she was not about to leave the two of them in a room together with no mediator, she knew Luke would have told Sarah she needed to wait outside – that they would be talking about details of the case that she couldn't hear. She felt Sam's forearm tense and twitch under the fingers of her other hand that were attempting to trail soothing patterns along his skin, and she saw him cast a concerned glance her way – probably as a result of the increased grip of her hand on his. He squeezed her hand gently; a re-assuring gesture which she returned in an attempt at confirming she was fine – unable to meet his eyes, and trying to focus on calming breaths, big deep breaths in and out. A small smile pulled on the corner of her mouth for just a moment when she realised that she really should have been more worried about herself flying at Luke than Sam – she had an overwhelming urge to punch him in the face, but her smile soon disappeared when she heard his voice.

"Sam...How are you feeling?" He may have addressed Sam, but he was still looking at her – she could sense it. Her stomach churned, and her eyes darted up to Sam's face momentarily – checking his reaction. His eyes were hard, and he flashed an empty smile at Luke in response. It disappeared after a few seconds, and she saw him attempt to slide a blank neutral expression into place, his jaw set and he raised a pointed eyebrow at the man who had now walked far enough into the room that he was stood at the end of his bed.

"Let's hear it." Andy knew Sam well enough to pick up on low dangerous tone of his words, and she stilled her trailing fingers – letting them wrap tightly around his wrist and issuing a reminding squeeze with the hand she had wrapped around his, a reminder of his promise that he was not going to let things get out of hand. He met her eyes briefly, before interlinking their fingers and squeezing her hand in return to let her know he hadn't forgotten.

"Hear what?" Luke's eyes glanced away from Andy briefly to land on Sam, attempting confusion.

"Whatever the hell it is that you want to get off your chest – the reason you won't leave her alone. Out with it."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Andy's widened eyes found Luke at his words, and he attempted to hold her gaze – the ice cold look she gave him took him by surprise and he opened his mouth to speak – closing it no more than a few seconds later when nothing came out. He looked back at Sam to find a look of complete contempt, and a half smile that looked more like a sneer.

"No idea huh? You want me to give you a clue? Maybe you could start by saying why you didn't answer your damn phone..."

Luke glanced back to Andy, his own eyes wide and pleading, but she was no longer looking at him – hers eyes downcast and studying Sam's hand again. He took a couple of steps towards her, wanting to make her look back at him and see the sincerity of what he wanted to say, but stopped before he reached her – realising that wouldn't be his best move. "I'm sorry..."

She didn't look up at him, the only acknowledgement he received from his words was a small shake of her head – he noticed the grip she had on Sam tighten slightly, and not for the first time felt a small pang at having lost her...having lost her and having to know that she now completely belonged to someone else. "Andy, I'm sorry...I am...I didn't know."

"Don't..."

"I swear to you I didn't know...I didn't know you called. There was no trace of it on the phones call logs and no message...Jerry took it from me and checked it as soon as you told him, the first time I knew anything about it was when we received the records from the phone company."

Andy had slowly increased the shaking of her head, and forced herself to look at him – when she spoke her voice was quiet, but determined. "Don't...ok? You don't get to stand there and make excuses, apologise...it doesn't change anything."

"Andy, I'm telling you the truth...I swear – I didn't know." He took another step towards her, but froze rooted to the spot after that following the look of complete horror that crossed her face at the movement.

"That still doesn't answer the question...Why didn't you pick up the damn phone? You were her only point of contact, her handler...she's supposed to be able to trust you with her life..."

"Obviously not her only point of contact...she called you...don't preach to me about doing my job – I didn't screw up to the point of no return. Did Jerry tell you what Best said?" Luke took a couple of very large steps around to the side of the bed, his eyes flashing dangerously at Sam and Andy jumped to her feet – relinquishing her hold on Sam and her hands connecting with Luke's chest – pushing him backwards with more force than she thought she had in her.

"I called Sam because I couldn't get hold of you! Do you have any idea how terrified I was...?! What they did?! I thought I was going to die in there...I thought they were going to kill me. Don't you dare...don't you dare stand there and act like this is my fault. I made a mistake – I know that...I'm probably never going to forgive myself for it, but at least I admit it!" Andy's eyes filled with hot angry tears, and she pulled her hands away from him as quickly as they had made contact – taking several steps backwards until the backs of her legs met with her chair again, but she didn't sit back down. "Get out." She spoke the final two words with an eerie controlled calm, and Luke felt as though she might has well have slapped him in the face.

"Andy..."

She shook her head at him, and chewed down on her bottom lip in an attempt to keep her tears at bay – a waver finding its way back into her voice the second time. "I want to you to get out, and stay away...stay away from me, stay away from Sam, leave us alone."

"I was at Headquarters...talking to Perry. I was trying to find out what had happened to you, where the hell you were...I left my phone on my desk for ten minutes at the most – I swear to you, and when I came back there wasn't even a missed call logged..." He took two more steps towards her before he noticed the glare being levelled at him from Sam's direction – knew that he would live to regret it if he took another step, faltered but was unable to make himself leave. "I know I screwed up ok? I know I should never have been without the damn thing...I was worried about you. I didn't want anything to happen to you, and the only thing I was thinking about in that moment was pinning him down to find out what he knew...Andy...I'm going to fix this...all of it, I promise you."

Andy stood rooted to the spot, unable to tear her eyes away from the door he had just disappeared back through until she felt Sam tug on her hand. "Hey...you ok?" She turned and threw a small shaky smile over her shoulder at him, and squeezed his hand in return – taking a couple of small shuffling steps towards the edge of his bed and perching on the edge – swivelling around to face him.

Sam stifled a shaky sigh, and allowed the question to fall from him mouth while trying to ignore the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach – increasing his grip on her hand to stop her from pulling away from him. "What did they do?"

"You've seen the files...you know what they did."

"I'm not talking about the files, I'm talking about you." He reached his free hand up to wipe a stray tear gently from just under her eyelashes, tucking some of her hair behind her ear before tracing the edge of her jaw – nudging it just enough to encourage her eyes to meet his. "What did they do to you?"

She dropped her eyes again, pulling away from him slightly before her glistening eyes met his once more and she forced a fragile smile into place. "I'm fine...most of the time I don't even think about it...and I don't want to talk about it anyway."

"Andy..."

"Don't...please? Don't look at me like that – I'm fine." Andy backed completely out of his grasp, although she didn't pull her hand away – her expression pleading.

Sam took a couple of deep breaths, and swallowed thickly several times – attempting to battle against the nausea swarming around him and the images of all the possible reasons for her statement to Luke on rapid fire through his brain. He dipped his head in a nod of acknowledgement at her request, but was unable to force the concern away from his expression.

"You know what happened anyway...a bad beating, a bashing on the head and a stab wound." She dropped her eyes to study her hands picking at the hospital blanket.

"That's all of it...for the whole three weeks...they didn't do anything else?"

She didn't respond straight away, and the only response he did get from her was a small shake of her head as she still refused to look at him and in that second he knew. She didn't admit it, but he knew – felt the force of it hit him like a truck. "Andy..." He tightened his grip on her hand – the only part of her touching him. "Andy...look at me..."

"It's fine...I'm fine."

"All sorted my friend...mission inconspicuous is well and truly underway..." Oliver faltered slightly as he pranced through the doorway, noticing Andy's presence and cursing himself for speaking before engaging brain – mistaking the look Sam threw as annoyance in his carelessness. "Sorry, am I interrupting something..."

He was met with both "yes" and "no" answers and his gaze flickered between the two of them questioningly. Andy pulled herself to her feet, flashing a small smile at him and took a few steps away from Sam.

"I'm going to go and check in with Sarah – let her know Luke's gone."

"Andy..."

She flashed a small smile at Sam, and took a few more steps backwards towards the door. "We can talk about it later, I promise. You have visitors...I'll just check in with Sarah, grab a coffee then I'll be back...".

_A/N...HUGE apologies for the wait - I have re-written this sooooo many times, and I'm still not happy with it - but I'm putting it out there anyway! I need to move on! Also another apology in advance - I have some monster assignments to get through, so updates may be few and far between for a couple of months...I promise I will get them to you as and when I can, and hopefully they will be worth the wait! As always...please make me happy and feed my review addiction. xxx_


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter Thirty-One**

Andy shook her head as she joined in with the laughter around the room from her spot next to Sam on his bed, their hands intertwined, and thighs touching as she stretched out her legs in front of her and rested her head against his shoulder. She had given up her seat for Noelle who had joined the now growing numbers of visitors, not that she minded – she had seen the look it had garnered between their friends – although their smiles had been genuine, but she didn't care – she was quite happy to stay in that spot for the rest of the night. It also meant that she could avoid the concerned looks Sam kept aiming at her when people weren't looking – she knew there was only so many times she could brush them off, but she also knew he wouldn't throw everyone out either. She was thankful that everyone was there – Oliver, Jerry, Traci, Noelle, Sarah – they were distracting him enough that she had some time to try and figure out how she was supposed to play this conversation in her head. "I can't believe he did that - he's such a tool!"

Oliver threw a look of surprise her way, "You do know Epstein right? I mean...you guys have met?"

"How did Gail let him get away with it?"

"I have no idea." He picked up on a brief look Sam passed his way, and pulled himself to his feet picking up on the hint. "Ok – now I have entertained you all for the evening, I'm going home."

Oliver started the flow, and Traci and Jerry were the last ones to leave – Traci pulling Andy into a hug as she walked her to the door. "Remember Dr. Lemi tomorrow...10am." Andy smiled in response, and nudged her out the door with a small nod of her head in agreement.

"Yes, I know."

Sam eyed her cautiously at the doorway and waited until he knew Traci and Jerry were out of earshot before he spoke, "You can stop avoiding me now."

She turned and met his gaze, a wide eyed anxious expression on her face and she gripped the door handle a little tighter instead of letting it go. "I'm not."

"You've been coiled tighter than a spring all afternoon. If you don't want to talk to me then that's fine, I'm not going to force you – I just want you to know that you _can._..that I care."

"I know." She forced herself to let go of the door and walk back to him, taking a seat on the edge of his bed just out of his reach and gripping the edge of the bed with her hands, her eyes searching out the outside window on the side wall and a shaky sigh escaped her as she watched the rain drops trail patterns down the pane of glass. She could still feel his eyes on her, and it didn't do anything to calm the queasy feeling in her stomach so she dropped her eyes to the floor – her shoulders slumping in defeat. "Saying it out loud makes it real...changes things. I don't want it to change things – I don't want it to change us. I can't let them do that."

"Andy – nothing you can say is going to change how I feel about you."

Andy forced her eyes closed, battled with the tears she promised herself she would never cry because of them – swiping angrily at the lone one that escaped the corner of her eye. "I don't want you to look at me like I'm fragile – I don't want handle with care stamped on my forehead." She forced her eyes open and looked back at him with determination. "I don't want you to do that..."

"Have you told anyone?"

She shook her head in answer to his question. "Promise me..."

"Andy..."

"Promise me that you're not going to treat me like glass, I'm still me." she looked away from him, studying her boots. "it was my fault."

Sam's eyes widened and he shook his head at her in disbelief, he lifted his hand to reach for her but she shifted back further on the bed, out of his reach. "How can you possibly think that it was your fault?"

"I put myself in that position...I could've walked away...I..." she wrapped her arms around herself in a physical attempt at trying to hold herself together, giving up on battling the silent tears that were now falling freely, she wanted to look back at him but she couldn't make herself do it – unsure of what his next reaction was going to be. "She was fourteen Sam...I couldn't just...I...I couldn't let them do that to her."

The weight of what she was trying to tell him settled like an anvil on his chest, and for a moment he actually couldn't breathe. It took a long minute for him to force his lungs to suck in enough oxygen, and another one after that before he could actually force any sound from his mouth.

"I tried to stop them – I didn't really have time to think about it...I tried to stop them, and she ran – I was the only one left in the room...they didn't have anyone else to focus on. I tried to fight them off...I tried really, really hard, but they were bigger than me and stronger than me...I couldn't...I couldn't make them stop...I..."

"Andy..." Sam's voice cracked with emotion as her name passed his lips, and he tried to pull himself together – forcing himself to swallow past the emotion choking him and tried again "Andy, you..."

Her eyes flew back up to his face and with one look at his expression she violently shook her head at him in response, not giving him the chance to finish. "No! Don't – don't look at me like that."

"Andy...Listen –"

"No – don't do that –No handle with care, remember? I don't want you to feel sorry for me."

"Andy, listen to me." Sam forced himself to wait until she met his gaze. "I'm not – I'm not trying to handle you...what happened to you...you should never, ever, ever of had to go through that – ever."

"I lied to Luke."

"What?"

"We had a meet a few days later. He asked me what happened...my face was still pretty battered, and I lied. Well, not lied...but..." her words were brought to a shuddering halt as she took in a shaky gasp of breath, and swiped away the last remaining tears. "I didn't tell him the whole truth." She reached out her hand, and gripped hold of his knee – she couldn't make herself move any closer, but needed the reassurance that he was still there.

"You need to tell someone...if not Luke then Jerry...Traci. They can make them pay for what they did to you, but they need to know about it first."

"I know...I will...I just...I screwed up, I'm sorry."

Sam reached forward and gently wrapped his fingers around her wrist, gently rubbing circles on her pulse point with his thumb before gently tugging on it – pulling her a little closer and her eyes lifted up from their downcast position to meet up with his again. "It's not your fault – you have nothing to be sorry for, and if I hear you say that one more time I will hunt those sick bastards down myself and rip them apart limb from limb – bullet holes or not."

Andy's eyes dropped away from his face again. "If you thought I was damaged before..."

Sam unconsciously tightened his grip on her wrist, and eyed her reaction "Where did that come from?"

"I'm not exactly baggage free...I'm just saying..."

"No one is. Andy, I Love you."

* * *

"Miss McNally, would you like to come in?"

Andy pulled her eyes off the coffee table in front of her and eyed the woman in the doorway with caution. She wasn't exactly what she was expecting - age wise perhaps, but she had long blond hair that framed her face softly, warm eyes and a warm smile that were being directed at her - but neither felt condescending or patronizing. She forced herself to stand up and follow her into her office, which also didn't quite match the mental image she had created in her head. There were three large windows looking out over parking lot, which would have let in a lot of light on a bright summers day - two comfy large well worn chairs and a desk in the far corner of the room - there was no counselling couch in sight. The blond haired woman sat down on the chair furthest away, and indicated to the chair opposite. "Have a seat."

Andy did as requested, sitting on her hands in an attempt to stop them from fidgeting nervously and allowed her eyes to dart around the room once more - half expecting to find some dark loitering corner filled with peoples demons. She forced her eyes back to the woman in front of her when she spoke. "You know who I am already - I'm Dr. Lemi, but if you prefer you can call me Karen." She waited for Andy to speak, but the only response was a swift nod of her head. "Do you want me to call you Miss McNally, Andy...Officer McNally?"

"Andy...Andy's fine."

"Ok, Andy - this is how we are going to work this. You can come to see me as often as you want, but I need to see you for at least a couple of sessions a week to start with. Sometimes you might have a lot you want to talk about, other times...not so much - and that's fine - but I need you to keep coming, ok?"

"Ok."

"Do you want me to get you a glass of water before we start?" She smiled softly at the shake of Andy's head in response, and sat back in her chair. "Ok - so what do you want to talk about?"

Andy's eyes widened almost comically, and her shoulders tensed. "What?"

"It's not my job to tell you what you want to talk about Andy - it's my job to listen. We can talk about anything and what we do talk about won't go any further than these walls, but it has to be your decision to talk about it."

"I'm here because of work, because they sent me here."

"Ok - do you want to talk about why they did that?"

* * *

A/N...not exactly the easiest chapter I have ever had to write! Hope you're not disappointed - xxx


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter Thirty-Two**

"Andy...wha..." Luke faltered as he walked through the door to the Detective's Office and found her curled up in Traci's chair, scrutinising the surveillance photo's and headshots belonging to Mason, Nogales, Krzmenski and Boyd lined up on the wall opposite her. He sucked in a harsh breath, and took a couple of steps into the room – forcing himself to try again. "What are you doing here? Andy?"

"What has Boyd got to do with any of this?" She glanced over to him warily, raising a questioning eyebrow after a couple of silent moments when Luke didn't answer her question.

"We don't know for definite that he has anything to do with any of it yet...it's just a theory we're working on...we can't get enough evidence together to say either way at the moment." He dropped the file in his hands onto the table, and perched himself on the edge of the desk waiting for her reaction – she didn't really show one, and he cursed himself internally again – he hated the atmosphere between them; the stiff, stilted awkward conversation – but he didn't know how to fix it – he had apologised – sincerely apologised, would get down on his hands and knees and apologise again if he thought it would make a difference, but he knew it wouldn't – knew how stubborn she could be. "Andy, what are you doing here? You're on medical leave – you're not supposed to be here."

Her eyes dropped to the floor, and she wrapped her arms around her legs a little tighter. "I needed to talk to Traci."

Luke had to force himself to remain planted in his current position after picking up on the edge in her tone; he knew there was no comfort he could offer that she would willingly accept. "She's not going to be back for a couple of hours – she's had to go and pick up the post mortem reports for the rest of the girls in the warehouse..."

"What about Jerry...?"

"He's gone to check in with some CI of his that knows Mason...I think he's going to try and come at this whole mess from a different angle."

"You arrested him though right?" Andy's eyes darted up from the floor, wide and anxious and waited for his response.

"Yep...he's under lock and key – but we need to try and link him to...I shouldn't be telling you any of this. He's been arrested and charged for what he did to you – he's been refused bail, he's not getting out of his cell for a long time. You don't have to worry. Did you go to your appointment this morning?"

Andy forced herself to suck in a deep breath in preparation of the next words she knew she had to force out of her mouth, she didn't want to talk to Luke about it – would have willingly chosen to speak to anyone else instead, but she knew if she left under the proviso that she would come back and talk to Traci later that she would lose her nerve, never be able to make herself do it. She closed her eyes and dropped her head again, tightening her grip on her legs and holding them to her as if it would be some kind of shield from the feelings she knew this was going to dredge up – that she had wanted to keep buried. She had promised herself and Sam that she would do this, and she couldn't not now that she was here – wouldn't let herself back out of it. She needed to do it for all the women that she had spent those horrific weeks with – owed it to them as well, not that they would know about it now. "I need to change my statement."

"What?"

"I wasn't completely honest about...I left out some details about what happened – the assault – not Mason, before then...do you remember the last meet we had? Before everything went completely to hell – do you remember you asked me about the bruises and I said I had got them stopping them from raping a young girl?"

Luke eyed her cautiously for a minute, nodding his head in confirmation before realising that she wasn't looking at him and wouldn't register the gesture. "Yeah, I remember...we're still working on ID's for the guys you picked out."

"I did...I did get them because of that, but it wasn't the whole story...I..." She squeezed her eyes closed even tighter, trying desperately to shut off the tears that were trying to break free – closing her eyes meant the flashes of memories in her brain were fiercer, brighter, more real – but it was only defence against completely breaking down, and she was clinging to it for all it was worth. She swiped away one lone escaped tear from the corner of her eye before it made a mark on her face, and sucked in a shaky breath. "I stopped them raping her...I couldn't stop them from doing it to me." She forced her eyes open but couldn't make herself look at Luke, instead reaching for the sheets of paper on the desk in front of her and waving them at him, averting her eyes and fixing them on a spot on the far wall. "I know I should have said something...I just...I don't know why I didn't...couldn't...I wrote it down so you can add it to my statement – every gory little detail, and I know we won't have any physical evidence of anything, not anymore – but I will testify if you need me to. I just want it down on record...what they did. I don't want them to think that they can do something like that, and it's not going to have any repercussions."

"Andy..."

"Don't – I don't need you to say anything else. I just want this whole thing to get tied up and go away so that I never have to think about it again..."

* * *

"Don't say I never give you anything...I called by the Penny on my way back and..."

Oliver peered up from over the edge of his newspaper and flashed a smile, "Awww McNally...you shouldn't have," before following her line of sight across to Sam and back again. "He's practically comatose...has been for the past couple of hours...I don't know what they did to him in physio, but it's knocked him out. If you don't want it to go to waste..." He eyed the paper bag clutched between her fingers pointedly, while raising an eyebrow.

A small smile pulled at the corner of her lips as she met Oliver's gaze. "It can keep..." and his smile morphed into a pout. He didn't manage to keep her attention for long, her eyes seeking out Sam again and her feet carrying her to the edge of his bed, placing the sandwich on the cabinet out of reach from Oliver's nimble fingers before placing a gentle kiss on Sam's cheek and perching on the edge of his bed. "Is he ok?"

Oliver eyed her curiously, her eyes not once leaving Sam's face and saw her wrap her fingers gently around his wrist and squeezing slightly. "Are you?"

Andy's widened eyes darted back to Oliver in his seat on the opposite side of Sam's bed as she stuttered out a response. "Fine...I'm fine...why?"

Oliver's pointed look at her response forced her eyes to drop back to Sam again, and he studied her for a couple more seconds before deciding against pushing her on it. "He's fine...he just got tired, cranky and frustrated – believe me...sleep is the best for all concerned right now."

Andy issued a small smile in Oliver's direction at his words, and he pulled himself to his feet discarding the paper on the chair behind him and walking over to Andy's side of the bed – dropping a hand on her shoulder and squeezing gently until she looked back at him. "You need to look after yourself...I know you were worried about him, but he's going to be fine. If you keep running around like a crazed person on speed you're going to burn yourself out – when was the last time you ate properly?"

"This morning...I had breakfast this morning, I'm fine."

"Breakfast being...?"

"Oliver..."

"McNally...Come and have dinner with us...Zoe can do a mean pot roast." The concern in his tone almost made her want to cry, and she issued a wide shaky smile at him – remembering not for the first time that she was extremely lucky to have the people she did in her life.

"You moved back?"

"I'm on probation...trial run, but yeah...I've moved back." The genuine smile that crept onto his face as he confirmed her question pulled her onto her feet and she wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug – mumbling a response into his shoulder.

"That's fantastic...I'm really happy for you." Oliver hugged her back awkwardly for a couple of seconds before pulling away and shrugging off the gesture...his smile still loitering.

"So what do you say...dinner with the Shaw's eh?"

"I'm fine...you don't have to..."

"I know you are. You can still come to dinner. Friday?"

Oliver's smile was infectious and Andy didn't feel able to refuse, offering a nod of her head in acceptance. "Ok...just let me know what time."

"Ok...good. On that note – now that you're here I'm going to leave you in charge of sleeping beauty over there...I have a very important date with my girls and some kind of movie."

Andy issued a parting "Have fun!" wish to his retreating form, before parking herself back down on Sam's bed and affectionately poking him on the shoulder to try and raise a response. He was totally and completely out cold, and she had started to feel well and truly panicked by the time she actually nudged him hard enough for him to pry one of his eyes open and peer suspiciously at her. "Hey..." she smiled innocently at him and he mumbled something incoherently at her and closed his eyes again.

"Sam...wake up. I brought gifts...here...nice juicy sandwich direct from the Penny...It'll make you feel better." She reached up for the bag and waved it under his nose, but when she received no response she dropped the sandwich bag on his lap and took hold of his hand, interlacing their fingers and tugging on it persistently until he grumbled at her again and prized his eyes open, a frown well and truly in place.

"What?" He sounded tired, and there was definitely a grouchy twang in his tone which came across as more adorable to her ears than anything else – she was just thankful that he had woken up.

"Dinner...I brought dinner." She reached for the bag and waved it under his nose again, "...from the Penny...Your favorite..."

"You went to the Penny?"

"Yep – it's been a busy day, Dr's – Station – Penny – here." She planted another kiss on his cheek before shifting around so she could lay out on the bed next to him, snuggling against his shoulder – she knew he would ask her about it, and the conversation would be easier if she didn't have to look at him. She passed the sandwich back to him, kissed his shoulder and buried her face against him as he wrapped an arm around her and held her close.

"You went to your appointment?"

The only response was a muffled 'mmmhhmmm' of agreement from her into his shoulder and slight nod of her head, and she felt him tighten his grip on her waist and pull her closer – planting a kiss on the top of her head as she snuggled closer to him and buried her face against his neck, the next question was whispered into her hair.

"How did it go?"

It wasn't that she didn't want to tell him, or talk about it – she just really had no idea where to start, the only response she managed was a slight shrug of her shoulders.

"Andy..."

"Fine – it went fine, I guess. It was awkward...I just felt really awkward – like I don't know what I'm supposed to say."

"There's nothing that you're _supposed _to say – that's the point. It's just want you _want_ to say." Sam succumbed to the urge of burying his face in her hair and taking a deep breath filled with her coconut scented shampoo before abandoning his sandwich bag on the side of the bed and using his fingers to wrap up in her hair – shifting slightly so he could place a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"I don't _want_ to say anything – it was just awkward...there were loads of long awkward silences, and I didn't know what to say...I have to go back on Thursday."

"It'll get easier."

Andy pulled away from him just enough so that she could peer up at him and he could see the disbelieving raised eyebrow aimed in his direction. "Really?"

"Ok – maybe not easier, but you'll get better at it." He attempted a reassuring smile that garnered a slight smile from her in return before she returned to her previous spot.

"Have they ever made you go?" Her words were muffled against his skin, but she knew he had heard her – felt him tense slightly in response, and she waited for him to answer.

"After Brennan."

"You never told me that..." Andy pulled away so that she could look at him again, meet his eyes – propped herself up with her elbow and rested her chin on her hand. Her statement was met with a small smile and a shrug of his shoulders, but she kept her eyes on him – waiting for him to elaborate.

"It was for two months of the suspension, it was over before you came back – there didn't really seem like much point."

"I'm sorry...I should've..."

Sam reached for her again, and pulled her to him – wrapping his arms around her. "It's over – done, don't worry about it."

"Did it help?"

"It's not a magic fix – but it will help."

Andy curled into him, trying to find reassurance in his closeness and wrapped an arm around him to hold on – she was gentle, not wanting to hurt him but her grip on him was still firm. "I changed my statement...I went to the station and changed my statement. I had to give it to Luke – Traci & Jerry weren't there."

She felt his grip on her tighten, and a stuttering sigh escape into her hair before she felt him kiss the top of her head again. "I'm proud of you...you're just...I'm so proud of you..."

The edge in his voice made the lump in her throat swell to twice the size, and her eyes burned with fresh tears – she squeezed her eyes closed, refusing the let them fall, placing a couple of kisses against his neck before attempting to bury her face even closer to him and increasing her hold on him to a fierce level – if it had hurt he didn't show it, just returned the gesture and ran his hands up and down her back in time with her now gasp filled breathing pattern.

"Thank you..." Her voice was so quiet Sam wasn't sure that he was supposed to have heard her, but he did.

"For what?"

"I couldn't do this without you..."

He wrapped his hand around her shoulder, and pushed her away slightly – just enough for her wide, questioning, tear filled eyes to meet his so he could make sure she heard him, and offered her a small smile. "I'm not going anywhere..."

* * *

A/N...I really should be assignment writing, and I mean it when I say the next chapter of this may not make it up until next weekend...I couldn't help it...the addiction to posting this just keeps winning out!

I hope you enjoy – and as always...please feed my other addiction...utilise the little box and drop a comment to let me know what you think...


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter Thirty-Three**

"Andy...he has been in here before – he knows what it's like." Traci allowed a bemused chuckle of disbelief to escape her as she stood in the middle of the floor watching the whirlwind formally known as Andy attempt to rearrange her condo in preparation for picking Sam up from the hospital.

"I know...ok...I know. I just want everything to be perfect – I know it's not his home, I just..."

Traci reached out and wrapped her hand around her friends arm as she whipped past her for the fifth time, forcing her to stay put in one place for longer than a second, and offering a reassuring smile. "It will be. I'm sure you will be one nursemaid he will be very happy with."

"Uuurggghhh – no I won't. He's a horrible patient, and I know he's going to hate me fussing over him."

"So don't fuss."

"I can't help it!"

"Andy – the condo is fine. He would have been ok at his house too you know."

"I want to look after him – what's wrong with that?"

"Nothing...just as long as you look after yourself too."

Traci knew that her comment had hit home with the look Andy leveled at her, and temporarily let it go – unwrapping her hand from her friend and perching on a stool next to the counter. "How can I help?"

Andy leaned across and reached behind her friend – sheepishly presenting a hastily scrawled grocery list on the back on an old envelope and attempting to smile sweetly. Traci raised a questioning eyebrow in response. "Please? Perfect remember? And I have been looking after myself...Dr Lemi cleared me to go back to work didn't she?"

"I know...but you've only been back a week, and you're already taking time off."

"Only for a few days...just while Sam settles in...That's all."

Traci quirked an eyebrow at her friend again. "You do know they wouldn't discharge him if he couldn't look after himself to a certain extent."

"It's just a week Trace...As nice as it is that you miss me..."

Traci rolled her eyes, and held up her hands in mock surrender. "Ok...ok...I won't mention it again!"

* * *

After five blissful days of being holed up in her condo with Sam Andy finally felt like she may have been turning a corner – the absence of her sleepless nights, and the nightmare plagued darkness being well and truly left behind. Having Sam wrapped around her like her very own security blanket made her feel safe and untouchable, and although she still had to battle with herself to let him sleep while trying to force herself to stay awake and monitor his breathing, she felt happier and more complete than she had in a long time – had been reminded how much she loved waking up tightly wrapped up in his arms.

It was perhaps the hope of leaving it all behind, and her sense that things were going to be ok that made the nightmare that emerged on the sixth night that much more terrifying, and horrific – shaking her to her core. The nightmare was no longer about Sam – the fact that she was spending her days practically glued to his side, and witnessing him getting stronger each day did wonders to dispel those little horrors from her subconscious – it was more like flashes of memories, moments stored in her brain and the reliving of every torturous detail of the one afternoon of her life that she never wanted to think of again – the cold damp of the room and the flickering light from the lamp in the corner, the stomach churning from their voices, laughter and the things they were saying to her – she felt all of it all over again, the pain, the horribly humiliating disgusted self loathing...every minute detail down to the way their breath on her face made her skin crawl.

It was Andy's elbow connecting sharply with his rib that first alerted Sam to the fact that all was not well, winding him enough to force out a large puff of air. It took a couple of seconds for him to find his way through half sleep induced haze and register the agitated movements of the woman laying next to him, her shaky shallow breathing combining with the occasional heartbreaking whimper. Sam instinctively reached out and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly to him in an attempt to offer comfort and reassurance, and also to hold onto her tight enough that her elbows were no longer capable of breaking a rib. "Andy? Andy...wake up...Andy...Andy?"

Sam sensed more than saw when she actually woke, his face buried in her hair when her strong limbs stopped battling against his hold, and there was a sharp swift gasp of air being sucked into her lungs. She momentarily froze – her completely tense body not even twitching a muscle and then tore herself from his grip before he even realised what was happening, flying out of the bed and into her bathroom. He pulled himself out of bed and followed her, padding softly across to the bathroom door just in time to be met with the sound of her violently emptying the contents of her stomach on the other side of the door. Sam reached for the door handle, his concern growing when he discovered that she had locked him out – he tried the handle twice to make sure, before rapping his knuckles gently on the wood and leaned against the door allowing his forehead to connect with the wood. "Andy? " His voice was quiet and still raspy from sleep, but he knew it was loud enough for her to hear him. "Andy, open the door...Andy?"

Andy relinquished her grip on the toilet in the hope that anymore projectile vomiting had been cleared from the cards...she was pretty sure she didn't have anything left inside her to come out. She shuffled towards the shower, not trusting her wobbly legs to carry her and pulled herself to her feet with a white knuckle grip on her towel rail – turning her shower on to full power and a temperature as high as her skin could take without scalding her, stepping underneath the pounding water without even bothering to remove the shorts and vest top she had been sleeping in. She had heard Sam on the other side of the door or at least heard his voice – but she couldn't make herself answer him...he had sounded really far away, and she was refusing to burden him with this. It wasn't his fault, and he had been forced to deal with the fallout and repercussions of this kind of horror once before – she was not going to be the reason for him having to do it again, would refuse to let him do it. She sunk down onto the floor – the water plastering her hair to the top of her head, and soaking through her clothes and closed her eyes – willing the steaming water to wash away the dirt and the horror and make her clean again. It didn't help, not really...even when she tried to scrub at her skin with her mango body scrub until parts of her were almost red raw and eventually the tears came, burning her skin almost as much as the shower water – she shivered despite the heat of the water and the steam, and pulled her legs up to her chest – wrapping her arms around them in an attempt to curl up into a defensive ball – but the tears only increased, battering her breathing and forcing her lungs to gulp for mouthfuls of air.

As soon as he heard the shower Sam had to force himself to stay rooted to the spot – battling against the overwhelming urge to go straight out the door and down to the holding cells of Maplehurst – where Jerry had informed him that they were holding those responsible for this current situation until their trial next week. He knew what she was doing, still remembered his sister emptying the entire hot water supply of their house – it had been months before he had been able to take a warm shower after what had happened to her. He knocked on the door again, slightly louder so that she would hear him over the spray of water. "Andy? Please...open the door and talk to me."

It took Sam 20 minutes to find something the right size and shape to unpick the lock on the bathroom door, after spending ten minutes trying to get her to talk to him with no response. Her tears had dried by the time he got to her, shivering under a torrent of steamy water. He turned the water off, kneeling on the floor next to her and wrapping her quivering body into a fluffy white towel followed very closely by his arms, pulling her onto her feet and out of the shower cubicle in one swift movement. He didn't take them very far – finding a spot leaning back up against the bathroom door and sinking back down onto the floor – pulling her with him. For a long time neither of them spoke, Andy's shivers eventually subsiding and she leaned back into him – close enough to feel the expansion of his rib cage with each breath against her back, and her soaked hair dripped onto his skin.

"I'm sorry...I..."

"Sssshhh...It's ok. You don't have anything to be sorry for...it's going to be ok." Sam wrapped his arms around her a little tighter, dropping a gentle kiss on her shoulder and nuzzling in at her neck.

Andy shifted around in his arms to face him, half pulling him to her and half climbing on him – her fingers digging into the skin on his neck and shoulders tight enough to leave a mark and kissed him fiercely – every cell in her body desperate to erase any memory that had been loitering. He kissed her back, matched her intensity as an automatic response – he always wanted to kiss her but he pulled himself away from her when he felt her cool fingers edging under his waistband – they weren't Andy, not really – they were blackout moves, the same wrecked desperation and as much as he wanted to help her to forget, he knew it wouldn't help – not really.

Sam wrapped his fingers around her wrist and held onto her tightly, stopping any downward progress. "Sam...?" her voice was completely wrecked, his name a breathy whispered plea and it broke his heart a little bit to push her away, but he did – just far enough to give them some breathing room.

"What? What do you want?"

"You." She opened her eyes and looked at him for the first time since he pushed her back slightly, her bottom lip quivering slightly and the fresh sheen of tears evident. "Don't you want me?"

It took a beat too long for him to register the question, and she pulled her wrist from his fingers – scrabbling to her feet, the hurt and embarrassment from what she thought was his rejection written plainly across her face. He reached out for her again, but forced himself to his feet when she avoided his grasp cupping her face in his hands and forcing her to look at him. "Is that seriously what you think? That I don't want you?"

Andy pulled herself out of his grasp again, and backed up into the far corner of the bathroom leaning against the edge of the sink and staring at the floor. "You've barely touched me since you've been here...its ok – I get it, it's just..."

"No...No you don't. You think I don't want you? Jesus, Andy...I never stop wanting...I may not have...Andy look at me." When she refused to look up from the spot on the floor Sam took three large steps up into her personal space, running his hands up and down the edge of her arms and bending his knees slightly in an effort to meet her eyes without success. "Andy, please? I want you ok? You couldn't be more wrong...I want you so much that sometimes I think it's going to kill me – but I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable around me. I was trying to wait until you could let me know that you were ready."

"How am I supposed to do that? I would have thought that what I was trying to do just now was letting you know that." Andy forced her eyes away from the floor and back to his face, but couldn't read his expression.

"Was that you wanting me or wanting to forget?"

"I want you. I want you to touch me...I need you to – you promised you wouldn't do this..."

"Andy, I..."

"No! You promised me!" with a violent shake of her head Andy tried to step around Sam, but he reached out an arm and wrapped it around her waist, holding her so tightly against him that her shoulder blades dug into his chest and she tried to squirm out of his grip – her wriggling only making him hold onto her tighter.

"I'm not trying to handle you Andy...I love you, there's a difference."

"Don't! Don't touch me...let me go! Sam! Let go!" She attempted to make her words harsh and biting to cover the waiver of tears threatening to fall once again, but when he refused to loosen his grip she flailed her arms around awkwardly – trying to hit out at him when he was holding her from behind was a lot more difficult that you might expect, although her elbows managed to make contact quite substantially a couple of times – she heard the air they forced from his lungs. She didn't want to break down in front of him, really tried to hold the tears in – but there was no budging Sam's hold on her. She eventually gave up the struggle when the breakdown came, crumpling to a heap on the floor and dragging Sam down with her – clinging onto him desperately and trying to bury her face against his shoulder. "I thought they'd stopped...I just want it to stop. I can still feel them...please just make it stop..."

"I wish I could sweetheart...if I could I would...I would do anything."

Andy clambered back onto his lap, pawing desperately at him again – her words breathless heartbreaking whispers between sobs and kisses. "Please?...Please Sam?...I need you...I need you to remind me... how it's supposed to feel...make me feel like I used to...how good it can be...please?" This time his hands pulled her closer, reaching behind her to peel her still wet vest top away from her skin and up over her head – searching out her gaze for confirmation that she did in fact really want to do this as he threw the top over into the corner of the room somewhere behind her.

She answered his silent question with an intense kiss, and he trailed gentle kisses down the column of her throat when she pulled back for air – mumbling compliments of how beautiful and amazing she was until he bit down gently when he reached her shoulder – following it up with "It scares the shit out of me...how much I love you."

"I love you...I love you...I love you." She was no longer sobbing, gasping for air...but her words were broken with her tears still falling – she increased her grip on him, forcing his face upwards so she could crush her mouth onto his and pulled him so close to her that they almost welded together. "Please Sam...?"

"Ok...sweetheart...ok."

* * *

A/N...I'm very sorry this is a week later than promised...uni work piled up on me already, so the updates may take a little bit longer to get through. In any case...I hope you have enjoyed this one...and please leave a little note to let me know what you thought. xxxx


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter Thirty-Four**

Andy plodded gently back into her bedroom, dropping two mugs of coffee on to the bedside cabinet – and allowed her eyes to sweep unashamedly over a sleeping Sam and weigh up her options. Today was her last day off – she had to be back at the station by 10 tomorrow morning, and she had a mountain of chores to get through but she still felt completely drained – she couldn't honestly muster the energy to even face the monstrous pile of laundry that was waiting for her, so how she was supposed to face anything else she had no idea. She leaned forward, wrapping her fingers around the warm ceramic mug and took a greedy gulp of coffee before giving up on the pretense of even considering doing anything else except snuggling up to Sam, and pushed her drink back to its spot beside her bedside lamp – crawling onto the bed and stretching out beside him she propped herself up with her elbow – resting her chin on her hand, the thumb from her free hand reaching forward and tracing lightly against the stubble on his jaw as her eyes drank in every detail of his profile and she allowed herself to get swallowed up the warm fuzzy feeling emanating from the gentle throbbing in her chest. He had been so gentle with her, not that she hadn't known him to be gentle and affectionate before, but there had always been an edge there – she had pleaded with him enough in the early hours of the morning to break whatever barrier he had put up against touching her, but he had been so ridiculously tender and gentle with her that it had both broken her heart and made her fall completely in love with him again all over again.

Andy snuggled in a bit closer, nudging his leg that was poking out of her sheets from his mid thigh with her painted toes – running them down along his shin and hooking her ankle over his – allowing her thumb to trail down from his jaw, follow his pulse down his neck and splayed her hand out over the centre of his chest and run it southwards until his hand wrapped around her wrist holding her still as she reached the edge of the bandages still wrapped around his abdomen. She peered up at him with a small smile, his eyes were still closed but he was definitely awake – she could feel his muscles twitching under her fingers that wouldn't still and his eyelashes were fluttering against his cheek. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and tucked herself into his side, mumbling a greeting against his skin. "Morning..."

"You ok?" She felt him try to shift position under her, and pulled her wrist away from his grasp wrapping her arm around him, and wedging her ankle around his even tighter; locking herself onto him – she didn't want him to move, was more than happy with her current position and he felt more then heard the mumble of agreement she issued in response to his concern.

He shifted slightly underneath her to get a little bit more comfortable, his hand trailing absent minded patterns over her arm and kissing her once sweetly on the side of her head. "So this is what you had in mind for today?"

She rolled an unseen eye at him, could sense the eyebrow he was probably raising in her direction but refused to move. "I made coffee..."

"Well I can't actually reach mine, so you needn't have worried..."

She pulled away from him then, propping an elbow and peering at him with narrowed eyes attempting to think of a retort, but the smile he flashed at her had other words falling out of her mouth instead. "Thank you."

His brow creased in confusion, his other eyebrow rising to meet the one already quirked in her direction in question before the words left his lips. "For what?"

"I know I'm not the easiest person to deal with right now – but it will get better, I promise I will get better..."

"Andy...you...we're partners – it's what we do."

"No, let me finish. I love you. I love you for so many things, because of the person you are...the person you see in me. For being here with me...for making me feel strong enough to believe that I can do this...I love you so much. I know we don't really say it, it's not who we are...what we do...but I want to. I want to tell you, I want you to know how much I appreciate everything, how much you mean to me...I -"

"Marry me." Sam watched her reaction cautiously, he had meant to interrupt her – hadn't planned to say anything – let alone propose. The plan had been to wait until everything had been back on an even keel again – the trials and hopefully very long convictions behind them, and the two of them having had the chance to work their way back to fully functioning again – he had planned to perhaps mention the whole moving in together thing first, see how that went down...but it was like he was powerless to stop them from falling out of his mouth, and couldn't take them back – didn't want to. He was actually done waiting, if there was one thing he had learned from this whole experience it was that life was far too short and she was his life, he wanted her. He wanted to marry her, wanted her to be his wife.

"Wha...What?" Andy's eyes widened comically as she stared back at him, almost certain that she had misheard him...

"I don't have a ring or anything...I just...you're it for me, always have been. I'm not saying we should go to city hall this afternoon...I know things are crazy right now, and you've got a lot to deal with – I just...I want to marry you."

Andy shook her head slightly, averting her eyes so he couldn't see the tears building but the edge of her voice gave them away. "Sam...I...I...I wasn't expecting...I don't..."

He reached up and tugged on her hair gently until she looked back at him, his soft dark eyes locking on hers before he spoke. "I love you. I love you and I want to marry you – this has nothing to do with expectations Andy. I know I have impeccable timing, but I'm sick of waiting for the right time...we don't have to do it now, but I do want to marry you." The smile she offered him in response to his words eased the strangling lump of emotion wedged in his throat, and he tightened his grip on her hair pulling her down to him. Her smile grew as she bumped her nose against his, beating him to the gesture – but wouldn't let him nudge her the final inch to meet his lips.

"You're going to have to do it properly to get me to agree – you're not getting away with that as a marriage proposal." She peered up at him through her eyelashes, fluttering them for extra effect and was awarded with a smirk.

"Properly huh?"

"Yes."

"Right...so properly would be?" Sam tried to taper down the smile that was threatening to take over his whole face, but without much success.

"No – genius. Yes." She smiled widely at him, eyeing him pointedly and waiting for the shoe to drop.

"Yes?"

"Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes Sam Swarek – I will marry you." Andy was pretty sure that the huge smile that lit up his face was mirroring one on her own, and she leaned into him peppering his face with kisses until she felt a small chuckle rumble through him, only stopping when he wrapped his fingers tightly around her thigh and pulled it across him until she was straddling him. She pushed herself up from him slightly, her hands supporting her weight resting on either side of his head and her messy, wavy hair falling forwards – blanketing them in their own little world.

"You're something, you know that?"

She bit down on her bottom lip, at his words before leaning forward and ghosting her lips across his whispering "I have been told..." and starting a trail of warm kisses from the corner of his mouth down his jaw, along his neck – nipping at his collar bone before travelling down further. He let her continue – the twitching of his muscles she could feel under her lips bringing a smile to her face, and the hitch in his breathing when she bit out at him once or twice made her determined to finish what she had started. He wrapped a firm hand around the top of her arm as soon as she reached the edge of his hips, wrapped messily in her sheets and she felt him try to tug her backwards – back up to him.

"Andy..." She knew he was onto her, but she wasn't about to let him dissuade her. She tried to shrug out of his grip, but she wasn't very successful – his fingers only dug into her more fiercely, his other hand tying itself up in her hair and forcing her to look up at him. "Andy...you don't have to..."

"You don't want me to...?" She wasn't able to keep the smirk away to achieve the wide eyed innocent look she was going for, and he jumped slightly as her fingernails scratched lightly up his thigh sneaking under the sheet.

"Shit...Andy...you..."

"You want me to stop?" She took in his slightly pained, exasperated expression in his darkening eyes and she reached for the hand he had wrapped in her hair – turning her face and placing a gentle reassuring kiss on his palm before interlacing their fingers and smiling back at him. "Relax...I want to."

* * *

"How do you even watch this stuff...it's worse than...it's worse than a high Epstein is what is!"

Andy swiped a light punch at his shoulder, from her position resting her head on his lap and peered up at him through narrowed eyes. "Don't me mean...Dov adores you...you're like his hero or something."

Sam snorted at her in response. "Right..."

"Hey...it's true! You're like some kind of cop God in his eyes...he's called you awesome on more than one occasion." Andy looked back at the TV, reaching for his hand that had been trailing patterns up and down her arm and wrapped it up in her own – tangling the fingers of her other hand in with his and trying to suppress a sigh without success. She felt his eyes on her, and shifted uncomfortably for a second – looking back to their interlinked hands and studying his fingers. "I love your hands."

"What?"

She peered back over her shoulder at him and was met with a bemused expression – a small smile hinting at her, and she shrugged in response, turning away and tracing a finger along each of his still wrapped up in her grip. "I do...you have nice hands."

"O...kay..."

"It's a compliment..."

"Andy..."

"...and eyelashes too...you have ridiculously pretty eyelashes...for a guy."

"What are you..."

"I'm not even going to mention the dimples...I'm pretty sure they already have their own appreciation club...an ego all of their own."

Sam stopped trying to talk to her, and eyed her curiously. There was something going on, and he was pretty sure it had nothing to do with the words coming out of her mouth – but he was just going to have to wait for her to get to the point. She didn't speak for a while...still processing whatever it was that was running through her head and staring blankly at the screen, refusing to let go of his hand.

She didn't speak again until the second commercial break, sitting up and snuggling back against him so she could feel his warmth against her back and the expansion of his ribcage against her with each breath. "I don't want to go back."

"Back where?"

"Work..." She tugged on his hand still wrapped up in her own to wrap his arm around her, and leaned her head back against his shoulder. He dropped his head, burying his nose in her hair and mumbled his next question into her hair.

"Why...?"

"I want to stay here with you..."

"I'm gonna be here when you get back...have dinner waiting for you on the table...I know how to take care of my woman..." She shifted in her spot and peered up at him, but the small smile she attempted didn't sit right. "You're gonna be fine..."

Her face caught the light from the TV as she turned back towards it, illuminating the unshed tears gathering, and he increased his grip on her – holding her against him as she pulled her legs up and held them against her with her free arm. "I know I'm being ridiculous...I just..." She couldn't finish her sentence, didn't know how to put it into words.

"You're not being ridiculous sweetheart, you've been through a lot...you're not..."

"That's not it...I..."

"What...you what?"

"I just get this feeling...horrible, anxious feeling gnawing at me – it's just a feeling, and I know it's ridiculous, but I can't shake it...I keep thinking it will go away, but it always comes back." She swivelled round in her seat so that she could she could look him, lifting her legs so that they were stretched across his lap and he untangled his hand from hers, wrapping it around her knee, issuing a gentle squeeze of reassurance. "...ever since I left..."

Sam battled against the urge to pull her to him and wrap her up in his arms, knowing that she needed to talk about it. He didn't say anything – couldn't think of anything to say, still had no real clue of what she was talking about.

"I'm scared..."

"Andy..."

"I'm scared of losing you – I can't lose you."

"Andy, you're not going to lose me – I'm not going anywhere. You agreed to marry me; you're stuck with me..."

"I keep thinking that I'm going to wake up, and this has all been some kind of dream. That I'm going to wake up and the Dr's are going to tell me that you didn't make it – that when they had to operate on you that second time...that you didn't pull through and it would have been my fault."

"Andy..."

"I left...and I hate leaving you. I know it's ridiculous...I know I'm being ridiculous – that I sound crazy, but I know you're ok when I can see you, when you look at me...talk to me...and last time I left you weren't..."

"I'm ok – nothing is going to happen to me, I'm fine. You're not leaving – you're going to work, and I will still be here when you get back." Sam pulled her to him, dropping a reassuring kiss on her forehead before wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. "We're both going to be ok."

* * *

A/N...here you go folks...I figured after the last update the McSwarek's could do with a couple of happy moments to see them through whats coming...If you can spare the time I am eternally grateful for any reviews that come my way...you guys are always awesome...and I hope you enjoyed! xxxx


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter Thirty-Five**

Andy cursed as her keys slipped through her shaking hands for the second time, and stood from reaching down to pick them up so quickly that her head spun – reminding her that she had yet to eat today, or at least she hadn't been able to force anything down since breakfast.

She forced her key into the lock on her front door, almost sighing in relief when it actually slotted into place – and eagerly pushed the door open, toeing off her boots and shrugging off her coat as soon as she stepped inside – making sure to double lock the door behind her.

"Hey – you're back early..." She was greeted with a warm smile from Sam's position perched on a stool at her kitchen counter, peering up at her from the paper he had been reading and taking a swig of his coffee. "Do I just have the pleasure of your company for lunch or..."

She shook her head slightly at him, and tried desperately to force a smile into place. "I took the rest of the afternoon off...single handed-ly took down all off Toronto's finest criminals, and I've only been back at work for a morning...Frank said I could take the rest of the day off in gratitude...that, and you know...the streets are clean – there would be nothing to do."

She padded silently over to him – her socks sliding slightly on the wooden floor, and planted a soft kiss of greeting on his cheek, wrapping her arm around him, edging her fingers into the top of his back pocket and burying her face against his shoulder before he stretched out an arm, wrapping it around her waist and pulling her almost onto his lap. She swiveled slightly, wedging herself in between his thighs and turning to face the newspaper and rested her elbows on her counter – feigning interest in the latest hockey results laid out on the counter top. She felt him run his fingers through the hair gathering in her hair-tie before pulling on it gently and planting a kiss against the curve of her neck that had been exposed by the move, mumbling against her skin. "Seriously McNally...you ok?"

She just hummed in response, before pulling herself free from his grasp and making her way over to pour herself a mug of coffee. He was peering suspiciously over at her when she turned back around, an expectant eyebrow pointed at her and she avoided his gaze – turning back around to unload the dishwasher.

"I was going to do that...you don't need to...McNally...Andy?" Sam pushed himself off the bar stool and shuffled over to her – his fingers reaching out and taking a firm grip of her hipbone, pulling her back against him – away and out of reach of her current distraction. "Leave it...I can sort it this afternoon when you go back to the station."

"I'm not going back..."

Sam didn't get a chance to ask her what she meant, an interruption to his thought processes coming in the form of a hammering on her door –a fist connecting harshly with it several times, and Andy flinched in response – he felt her muscles coil even tighter against him when a voice was added to the mix.

"Andy? Andy...C'mon...open the door! I know you're in there! You can't do this! Not now! Just open the door! Andy! ANDY!"

She twisted in Sam's arms, a wide eyed panic stricken expression turning towards him and her fingers gripped hold of him tightly – digging into his arms, and turning her knuckles white. "I don't want to talk to him...I can't...Sam...I..."

"Andy! For Christ-sake Andy just open the door! ANDY!"

Sam nudged her back to the counter, and with a nod of acknowledgement unwrapped her from his arms and stalked back to the door, pulling it open harshly but blocking the other mans entrance and leveling the most withering glare he could muster in his direction.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"I need to talk to her Sam – it's important."

"Not right now you're not..."

"I need to get her to see sense...she's..." his voice lost most of its anger, almost verging on pleading and Sam stepped out into the hallway – pulling the door closed so it was only slightly ajar behind him.

"Back off...she's been through enough, she doesn't need you turning up and hammering your way in. Take a breath, turn around and come back tomorrow."

"Tomorrow will be too late..."

"What are you talking about?"

"She's retracting her statement – refusing to testify. She called the prosecutor's office this morning, and you know as well as I do that we have no hope in hell of putting those sick bastards away if she doesn't testify...I have to talk to her, get her to see sense." Luke eyed him pointedly and waited for his words to sink in. "I need to talk to her Sam."

Luke attempted to side step him, and brush past him and into the condo – but Sam's hand connected with his chest and pushed him firmly backwards. "You're not coming in – I will talk to her. I will talk to her, and I'll let you know if she changes her mind...you're going home."

"She needs to testify Sam..."

"I said I would talk to her – turn around, go home."

"If she doesn't..."

"I mean it Callaghan – get your ass out of here."

Luke levelled a heated angry glance at the man in front of him, before resignedly accepting that there was no way he was going to let him get anywhere near her. "You need to make her see sense...it's the only hope we have of any of this sticking..."

"I heard you the first time."

Sam didn't wait for Luke to leave, and turned away – walking back into Andy's condo and shutting the door firmly behind him, making swift work of locking it back up and turning towards the kitchen. He felt a painful spasm in his chest as his eyes drank her in – her face scrunched up as if she was trying not to cry, agitated shaky fingers of one hand picking at the edge of her counter – the other shoved firmly in jean pocket, and refusing to look over at him. He made short work of reaching her – seven long strides back to where he had left her and pulled her to him. Andy buried her face in chest – breathing in the reassuring smell of detergent on his shirt, mixed with a light dusting of his cologne that was still lingering and something else that was just Sam and reassuring. She gripped the back of his t-shirt, bunching it in her fists between his shoulder blades as she clung to him.

"I'm sorry...I can't. I just can't...I..."

Sam's hand smoothed soothing circles over the small of her back, as he tangled a hand in her hair – holding her closer. "It's ok...it'll be ok."

"I can't..."

"You can..." He whispered the reinforcement softly in her hair – but she flinched, and pulled back out of his grasp – her big wide, glassy eyes locking on his and she shook her head in denial, biting down on her bottom lip to stop it quivering.

"Andy – I know you can."

"Sam...No...I couldn't..." Her words were cut off by a choked half sob, catching at the back of her throat and she sucked in deep lungful of air and tried again, unwrapping herself from his arms and taking a couple of steps backwards so that she was up against one of the cabinets on the opposite side of her kitchen. "I couldn't even get through my statement with Trace – how am I supposed to go through everything in front of a court room full of strangers?"

"You won't be on your own...Nash will be there – I will be there – Andy, you can't..."

"No! I can't do it! I'm sorry...I know you...I can't – I don't know what..."

Sam resisted the urge to pull her back to him, and wrap her up in his arms again – everything about her broken, agitated stance was screaming that she was ready to bolt out of the door at any second, and he wanted her to stay. Desperately wanted her to talk to him, and he really needed her to stay and listen.

"I'm sorry..."

His heart did actually break a little bit at the desperation in her voice, his own sounded a lot gruffer to his own ears when he swallowed past the lump that was forming and was final able to force some words from his mouth.

"Don't apologise – don't...you don't need to apologise for anything. No one is forcing you into this...certainly not me. I don't care what Callaghan says...If you decide that this is what you want then I will back you all the way – but I know...Andy look at me..."

He paused for a couple of beats – loud thundering heartbeats against in his chest, waiting for her to look up at him. "I know...I know you can do it. You're one of the strongest people I know – brave beyond belief. I know you can do it, and you won't be facing it on your own...I will be there, Nash will be there. Just promise me you'll think about it some more...?"

"I can't do it Sam..." she crumpled into a thousand pieces right in front of him, but he reached her before she hit the floor sinking down with her and holding her to him – no longer sure if he was holding on to her in an attempt to comfort her or himself.

He lost track of how much time they had spent huddled against her kitchen cupboards, the light in the windows shifting to a golden light of late afternoon – leaving sunlit patterns across the floorboards and against the walls. At some point Andy had migrated so she was sat on his lap, buried her face against him and he could feel her breathing deepen and even out in sleep – feel each breath against the dip of his shoulder, her arms still wrapped in a vice like hold around his shoulders. He eventually had to move – his entire body protesting from being holed up in the same position for far too long, and he lifted her with him – feeling the action aggravate – felt the strain on his still healing body, but tightened his grip on her as a result.

He carried her to the sofa – placing her gently back down, and re positioning some throw pillows under her head. He un-wrapped her arms from around his neck, stilled when she stirred before completely letting go of her when she buried her face down in the patterned fabric and issued a light snore – indicating that she was well and truly out cold. He didn't venture very far from her – moved to the chair directly opposite and dropping down into it with an oomph, happy for a while to sit and watch her sleep – study her face while the anxious, panic and distress had temporarily disappeared – her haunted expression vanishing.

It was Andy who opened the door to her condo a few hours later, meeting a wide eyed concerned expression from her friend. Sam had reluctantly left her and took a cab to the hospital for his physiotherapy appointment after she had assured him multiple times that she was fine, over her mini-breakdown episode and could manage perfectly well without him being around for an hour or two. He didn't believe her for a second, she could tell from the way his eyes had burned into the side of her head as she had busied herself with chopping vegetables and preparing dinner – but he had humoured her, relented and allowed her to nudge him out the door without too much protest. She had meant it when she said it – she was over it, was not intending on indulging anymore tears – but the expression on her best friends face made her feel instantly nauseous.

"How are you?"

Yep – that definitely didn't help. She turned on her heel and strolled back to the kitchen – shoving a dish of casserole back in the oven and depositing the oven glove on the counter before turning back around to see her friend – who had followed her into her condo after she had left the door ajar as an invitation inside.

"I'm ok."

"Cut the crap Andy – I'm here as your friend...not a detective."

"The answer's still the same..."

"Andy..."

She studied a spot on the wall behind Traci's shoulder, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. "I'm not doing it."

"Ok..."

"I can't."

Traci walked up to the other edge of the counter, pulling herself up on a stool before she met Andy's eyes and attempted a gathered response. "Andy, I'm not here to try and talk you in to testifying – I just wanted to see that you were ok."

"How am I supposed to stand in front of a court room full of strangers and tell them all the grisly details...I can't do it...I'm sorry."

"Ok. Andy – that's not why I'm here. You wouldn't be on your own – we're all supporting you. I would be there...Sam would..."

"That's supposed to make it better! I couldn't even...I couldn't even get through this morning with you, how am I supposed to..." Andy dropped her eyes to the counter, her thumb rubbing at an imaginary mark on the top. "I don't want Sam to hear any of it..."

Traci scrutinised her expression, she honestly hadn't meant to come here and try to persuade her to do anything she didn't want to do – her first concern had been her friends well-being – she had never seen her react quite like she had this morning to anything, and it had shocked her a little – she knew it would be difficult, but she also assumed – incorrectly now she realises – that because she wasn't talking to her about what had happened, that she had been dealing with it in another way – knew that she was getting support from Sam, and thought that she knew where to find her if she needed anything.

"Andy...he wants to support you – he loves you."

"I can't...Trace – how can I? I can't do it – I couldn't get through it with you this morning, and I can't let him hear all the details – I can't...He doesn't need to know Trace..."

"So talk to him – tell him that. He'll listen to you..."

"I can't! How can I turn around and say to him that I don't want him to be there? I can't...I just...I can't stand there and talk about all of it, knowing what hearing it is going to do to him – I can't."

"What are you more worried about? The people you don't know – or Sam?"

"I don't...both." She forced her eyes back up to her friend, willing her to understand where she was coming from.

"Andy – if you don't want to do this then that's fine. I didn't come here to convince you otherwise, but you can. I know you can – and I can't do much about the people that are going to be there. If the main reason you don't want to do this is Sam then you need to talk to him...tell him how you feel, because you will only regret it later if you don't do this. You have to be sure that you want to walk away – let them walk away, because that is what will happen."

* * *

A/N - As always folks...hope you enjoyed, and please let a note in the box below to let me know what you think... xxx


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter Thirty-Six**

Sam pulled his buzzing phone out of his back pocket, and opted for the answer call option while passing his completed stack of forms over the counter to the smiling nurse on the other side.

"Hey...everything ok?"

The nurse in question waved two more forms under his nose, marking the relevant signature spots with a pen and he signed his name four names before Andy answered him.

"Yep – fine. I just...are you almost done?"

"Will be in about 5 minutes...I'm just finishing up, and gonna grab a cab. Do you want me to pick something up for you – or...?"

"No...I'm picking you up. I brought the truck – I'm parked down the street though, I couldn't get any closer."

"Down the street where?"

"I'm outside Shopper's – do you want me to drive down and wait out the front for you?"

The 'paperwork' nurse started clicking on her pen repeatedly, and threw a seriously pointed look his way earning herself an apologetic dimpled smile – he got an eye roll and a shake of her head in response but she smiled back, and stopped clicking.

"I think I can manage to make it two blocks McNally – I'll see you in about fifteen minutes."

"Ok...I'll see you soon then."

* * *

"Cherry Beach? Why are we...?"

Andy shrugged her shoulders and for a moment he thought that was the only response he was going to get, but then she did speak – a warm inflection in her tone."It was my favourite date...of ours, with the sun-cream and the picnic...I just thought..."

Sam shifted and eyed her dubiously from his position in the passenger seat, but she wouldn't turn to look at him – her line of vision focusing on the water line. "It wasn't exactly a date...and that was August and ridiculously hot...It's now the beginning of November, cold and dark..."

"So we have casserole instead of ice-cream, and I've bought us coffee as well..." he could peg a small shy smile edging into place on her profile before he picked up on a small "I was hoping we could keep each other warm."

Sam felt a small smile twitching on his own face in response, but the almost instant shift in Andy's demeanor to serious and pensive as she pulled the keys out of the ignition chased it away. She turned in her seat, an apprehensive frown in place and reached for his hand – tangling her fingers up with his. "I need to talk to you."

"Ok..."

She shook her head, more at herself than him. "Not in here...Outside"

Pulling her hand out of his grasp, she unbuckled her seat belt and lunged through the two seats to the bench seat behind them, gathering three woolly picnic blankets, a large thermos and casserole container – picking up and thrusting his padded winter jacket into his face.

"McNally..."

"Please?"

He grumped, but couldn't refuse her – something in her expression made him stop short of that, so instead he opted for grouching under his breath and pulling himself into the offered winter defense and clambering out of the door – taking the blankets, thermos and casserole with him and waited for Andy to hat, glove, scarf and coat herself up before she followed him into the nippy chill of the late evening air.

By the time Andy had selected some suitable rocks for them to bury themselves behind to escape the wind her nose and cheeks had already turned pink with the chill, and Sam felt like he was walking around with a permanent hunch trying to shield himself from the wind chill. She pulled him down with her onto the blanket she had laid out on the floor – cocooning them both with the other two –hooking an arm through his and nuzzling up against his side, before offering the casserole and a spoon.

"You not eating?"

"I already had some before I left."

"Andy..."

"I did...I swear I did. I'm not hungry anymore..."

"If you want to sit out here in the freezing cold you have to eat something warm..."

"I have coffee...its fine."

"McNally..."

"Stop fussing!" She looked away from him, back at the water and Sam tried to get a reading on what was going on – where the impromptu picnic idea had come from, and what she was building up to – but she was all over the place, and it was difficult trying to decipher any kind of meaning from whatever was happening with her. She offered a small smile when she turned back to him, and didn't say another word until he had finished eating and she had passed him his own coffee – spent the whole time snuggled into his side, and alternating between studying the patterns on the blankets, watching him and watching the water.

They had both discarded their coffee cups and Andy had snuggled in close enough to place a soft warm kiss on his jaw, was holding onto him with both arms – resting her head on his shoulder the next time she spoke. "Do you think you should go and visit Sarah before you go back to work?"

"Do you want to?"

"She's your sister...I don't want her to think I'm keeping you away. She would probably love it..."

"She doesn't think that...She knows there's a lot of stuff going on..." He felt the whole of her tense for a second against him, felt her rib-cage expand harshly with a large intake of breath and dug his fingers into her waist a little harder, held on to her a little tighter.

"What have you told her...?"

"Only that the trials are coming up. You didn't want me to tell her, and I haven't..."

Andy reached up and tugged the zipper on his coat down an inch, to give her better access and buried her face against his neck before letting go of a shaky sigh that made Sam's own lungs stutter. "I think you should go see her...stay with her for a bit."

"Ok...well maybe we can go sometime over Christmas...see how the shifts land."

Andy pulled away, pushed herself up with a hand on his chest and crossed her legs to get comfortable with a minute shake of her head. "No. I mean yes...Christmas would be nice...I would love to do that – as long as we do something with my dad as well, but that wasn't what I meant..."

Sam reached for her hand that was picking at some stitching on the edge of the blanket wrapped around her shoulders and interlaced their fingers, tugging on it until he was satisfied that she had snuggled close enough again and he could feel the warmth of her body heat bleeding through the blankets up against him. "What did you mean?"

"The trials...maybe you could go and visit her when I testify...?" She couldn't look at him when she said it – felt like she was betraying some secret trust code just by thinking it, and now that she had actually voiced the question out loud – the sting of guilty tears burned in her eyes, and she squeezed them closed willing them not to fall.

Andy forced her eyes open after a few long seconds of silence, locking them on his. She couldn't read his expression – had no idea what he was thinking, other than he was obviously not expecting the words that had just been forcibly pushed from her lips. "Sam...I..."

"I thought you said you weren't going to testify..."

"I spoke to Traci...she came by earlier, and we talked about it...a lot. I still don't know if I'm going to be able to do it...stand up there, and re-live all the details – but I have to try. I won't be able to forgive myself if I don't try..."

"Ok...so you're going to put yourself through that, and you want me to be a four hour drive away spending time with my sister?" She picked up on a hint of disbelief in his tone – saw a flash of hurt in his eyes as he stared back at her, that hit her like a knife in her chest, and she increased her grip on his hand to a vice like level in an attempt to stop him from pulling it away from her.

"Sam...I..."

"No."

"Sam please...?"

"No way in hell. I'm not leaving you to do that on your own Andy – what do you take me for?"

"Sam, listen to me...I can't..."

"I know what you're doing – and you can stop it right now, because it's not going to work."

"I can't do it if you're there! I don't know if I'll be able to anyway – but I know I won't be able to if you're in there. Please just listen to me...Sam..."

"I'm not taking off on a mini-vacation and leaving you to do this on your own – it's not happening."

"I won't be on my own...Trace will be there. Will you please just listen to me for a second...?"

She waited for a beat, her request got her a raised eyebrow in her direction – she was still having trouble gauging exactly what was going on behind his mixed expressions – but she at least knew that was him inviting her to say her piece.

"You have been amazing...supported me to a fault through all of this, and I love you for it – but I have to do this on my own. It's the only way I can. I know if I go in there to do this, and you're there then I'm not going to be able to...I will censor. That's not your fault, but I will – you don't need to know the details...I don't want you to know everything that happened – you can understand that right?"

"It won't change anything – It's not..."

"It will! It will because I'll know you know...I'll know that you'll know, and it'll just be this horrible cloud that never goes away. I don't want you to know, this is my challenge...and I will deal with it...in my own way. No matter what happens I will not let them screw with this...us..."

"They can't..."

"They already have!"

"Andy..."

"It's different...we're different – you know that we are. You're so careful with me..."

"Andy, I..."

"I get it – Sam, I do. I love you for it...you make me feel safe, and loved – but I don't...I know I'm doing a ridiculously bad job of putting this into words...but will you please trust me on this, listen to me? I need to testify...I know I do, and I can't do it with you there. Will you please just do this for me? Go and spend some time with Sarah. I called her...Paul has to come to the city for a meeting on the Monday morning, and she said he would call by and pick you up on his way home – just in case you're not cleared to drive by then."Andy's eyes dropped back down to her white knuckled grip on his hand, and she sucked in a large lungful of air – the cold bite of the temperature stinging her lungs as she swallowed.

"You called her? You and Nash got it all figured out huh?"

"What? No! Sam..." Her eyes flew back up to meet his with an emphatic shake of her head. "Traci doesn't know anything about this – I haven't even told anyone I've changed my mind again yet...she just told me to talk to you – that you'd understand."

"That you don't want me there...? I'm not going to Sarah's"

Her eyes fell away from his again, intently avoiding his eyes for almost a whole minute before he reached out for her – nudging her chin up to look at him. She blinked several times in quick succession – trying to banish the dampness, her lips pressed together in a tight line to stop any wobbling.

"I'm not going to be in Saint Catharine's when I know you're in the courthouse – I'm not."

"Sam..."

"If you don't want me to be there, inside...then I won't be. I can stay outside the courtroom Andy, but I'm not leaving. I will be in the hallway, outside – waiting for you, until you're done. I'm not going to Sarah's – and that is the best you're going to get out of me. I will stay out for your testimony – but I'm going to be there when they lock them up."

"Promise?"

Sam wrapped his fingers around the back of her neck, pulling her towards him and kissed her once on the tip of her nose, nodding briefly in agreement before ghosting his lips across hers in brief kiss and wrapping his arms around her to pull her into a tight hug.

* * *

Andy bumped her shoulder against Oliver when she found him at the coffee station. "Can you get me one of those...?"

The incredulous stare she got back pulled a wide smile out on her face, and Oliver had to work hard not to smile back. "I think my buddy spoiled you too much McNally...get your own..."

"Please? I have to go and speak to Traci – I'll meet you at the squad?"

Oliver rolled his eyes, but reached for another cup regardless – waving off her thanks as she power walked towards the D's office, and up the stairs – garnering the attention of Traci, Jerry and Luke as she walked in.

"Andy...I thought you were taking a few more days off...I..."

"I changed my mind." She cut off her friend as she rose from her seat, glancing at each of them in turn. "I don't know if I'll be able to testify...if I will be good enough – but I want to try...need to try."

"You're sure?"

She peered over at Jerry, met his eyes and nodded once swiftly in confirmation. "I will go over my statement as many times as I need to – I want to do this."

* * *

A/N: I would just like to say...because I feel like I don't say it enough - and I never seem to have time to respond to individual reviews, as much as I would like to...**thank you** to everyone who has taken the time to put your thoughts in that little review box down below...It has meant the world to me! As always...I hope you continue to enjoy...and stay with me...our favorite couple need all the support they can get for the next few updates!


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter Thirty-Seven**

Andy pried open a sleepy, bleary eye and unleashed a fierce glare in the direction of the obnoxious buzzer signalling that there was someone who wanted her to answer her front door – her bedroom door was still firmly shut, but she was hoping the force of her displeasure would burn a hole all the way through to wood and destroy the ringer attached to the wall beside her front door. It was the first morning she had been able to sleep in for over a week – after 8 days straight of early shifts she would quite happily commit murder for a return to her oblivious sleep filled morning existence. She felt Sam shift behind her, tighten the grip his fingers had on her hip to pull her back against him and wrap his arm around her waist, heard his raspy sleepy voice mumble "Ignore it – they'll go away..." into a pillow.

She waited it out for five more minutes of an insistent _buzz...buzz...buzzzzzzzzzzzz_ pattern before burying her head in her pillow with a grown. She twisted around to face him, a pout very much evident on her expression as well as a frown, and nudged at his thigh with her toes. "They're not going away...make them go away..."

Sam's eyes stayed firmly shut, and she nudged him slightly harder – pushing a palm against his shoulder and trying to work him closer to the edge of the bed. "Sam..."

"Your front door McNally..."

"...But I'm all warm and cosy..."

"You'll be less warm and cosy when you don't have me here to heat those ice-blocks you call feet...get them off me..."

"You know what they say about cold feet..."

"Oh yeah...? What's that...?" Andy peered up at him from under her eyelashes, his eyes were still closed but there was a small smile twitching into place.

"Warm heart..."

"I think you'll find sweetheart that it's _cold hands_ – warm heart..."

"I have those too..." Andy shuffled back up her bed slightly and reached one of her hands out behind her, resting it against the radiator attached to the wall next to her cabinet.

_Buzz...buzzz...buzzzzzzz_

"Please Sam...I asked nicely...please...You can make them disappear with one glare..."

"Nope..."

Andy studied him closely for a few seconds, sizing up the likelihood of being able to convince him out of bed to answer the door without playing dirty...decided that it was the slimmest chance she had experienced for a while, and pulled her hand off the cold radiator and planted it on his stomach. She couldn't stop her all out grin from breaking free when he jumped out of his skin – eyes flying open before narrowing dangerously with a mischievous glint at her. "Playing dirty are we McNally...?"

She knew what was coming, but couldn't move out of his range fast enough and she squealed good and proper when he rolled over so that she was pinned underneath him – unleashing a tickling force of fingers up her sides and over her ribs that left her gasping for breath by the time she had convinced him to show some mercy. She wouldn't let him move away though, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him in closer – angling her face up for a kiss, one request Sam had no problem obliging.

_Buzz...buzz...buzzz...buzz...buzzzzzzz_

Sam dropped his head and buried his face in the crook of her neck with a groan. "They're not going away are they?"

"Doesn't look like it...and I'm stuck under you now...so you have to answer the door..."

Sam pulled back and peered at her with a quirked eyebrow, her cheeky smile, flushed cheeks and bright eyes made his heart stutter slightly. "Is that so...?"

She bit down on her bottom lip in a feeble attempt at keeping her cheek splitting grin under control and offered an impish nod of her head in confirmation. He shook his head in mock disbelief at her, but made to push himself up and clamber out from under the duvet anyway – he had just made it to the side of the bed and pulled on his jeans when she wrapped her arm around him from behind and placed a warm, inviting kiss in the middle of his shoulders - a non-too subtle stage whisper of "Get rid of them...and come back to bed..." aimed at his ear before she nudged him off the bed and onto his feet.

The buzzer rang three more times before he found and pulled on his sweater, and reached the front door – pulling it open to reveal one person he really wasn't expecting. His practiced scowl turned into a wide-eyed look of surprise...and the insulting greeting he had prepared didn't quite make it past the tip of his tongue.

"SURPRISE!"

"What are you doing here...?"

"Wow...it's nice to see you too..."

"Sarah...you know that's...what are you doing here...?"

"Checking up on my baby bro...You wouldn't come out to us...so..." She reached onto her tiptoes and tried to see past his shoulder. "Is Andy home...?"

"Yeah...well it's been a bit...Yes, she's home." Sam took a couple of steps backwards, pulling the door open wider and waved her inside. "Where are Paul and the kids...?"

"He's taking them for breakfast, then a movie and to that monster fun pool place...thought it would give us a chance to catch up, and then maybe we could all go out to dinner later before we head back...?" Sarah followed him over to the kitchen and watched him put on some coffee, a small smile emerging at how comfortable he seemed in Andy's kitchen and she made herself comfortable – grabbing a seat on a bar stool at her breakfast bar. "I bought breakfast..."

She unveiled a Bean Coffee box with a flourish, pulling open the lid and waving the baked goodies under Sam's nose – earning a small genuine smile for her efforts.

"I thought that place would have closed down by now..."

"Hell No! It's practically an institution...a rite of passage! Rose isn't there anymore ...but I have been promised she passed her killer banana bread recipe onto her daughter..."

Sam plucked a portion of the aforementioned banana bread out of the box of offerings, eyeing it dubiously for a few seconds before taking a bite from the corner and chewing thoughtfully. Sarah raised an eyebrow in silent question, and he nodded in affirmation. "Still damn good Sar..."

Sam's attention was called away from her momentarily when the coffee machine beeped, and he busied himself with making three – passing Sarah hers, leaving his own the counter next to the box of baked goodies and padded back over to Andy's bedroom with hers and a promise that he would be right back.

He found her in exactly the same position that he had left her in, except now she had shuffled about slightly so that he could see her eyes peeking at him over the edge of the covers. "Did you get rid of them...?"

Sam held up the coffee mug to her line of vision in an attempt to soften the blow. "Not exactly..."

He shuffled closer, placing the mug on the bedside table and sitting down on the edge – pulling one of her feet onto his lap, curling his fingers around her toes and running his thumb along the arch. He tugged the duvet down so he could see the rest of her face, her despondent pout pulling his own lips into a small smirk. "It's Sarah."

"What?!" she squeaked at him in response to that revelation, and the wide-eyed panicked expression that emerged on her face almost pulled a bark of laughter from him, but he forced it back – aiming an questioning eyebrow at her instead. "Why didn't you say anything?!"

"I just did..."

He watched her clamber out from under the duvet and flit around the room with a bemused expression, peeling her clothes from yesterday off the floor and throwing them in her washing hamper – before emptying half the contents of her chest of drawers looking for something that she deemed acceptable to present herself in. She froze to the spot halfway across her bedroom floor when she noticed him watching her, scowling at him and narrowing her eyes. "Well don't just sit there gawking...go and keep her company, I need to grab a shower and get dressed! It's ok for you – you just fall out of bed looking good!"

Sam gave himself a few indulgent moments of running his eyes over her – from the tips of her toes, over his crumpled thigh skimming t-shirt and up to the crazy hair that looked like it was trying to free itself from her scalp and grinned wide and large back at her. "You look fine to me..."

"Urrgghhh...you're..." She rolled her eyes at him when she couldn't think of a scathing enough retort and stalked through to her bathroom, looking over her shoulder and poking her tongue out at him before she shut the door behind her.

Andy emerged from her bedroom forty minutes later feeling slightly more prepared and presentable, hair blow-dried but down and wavy – a couple of lashings of mascara, one coat of lip balm and her favourite blue skinny jeans with a black tank top and grey chunky knit cardigan wrapped around her – a bright warm smile aimed at Sarah, but she was still slightly taken about from the warm hug she received from her when she met the two of them at her breakfast bar.

Sam pried her coffee mug from Andy's fingers as soon as Sarah had relinquished her grip, and busied himself making them a fresh batch as Sarah pulled her down onto the bar stool next to her and pushed the breakfast box of treats in her direction. "Sorry about the surprise ambush...but this one..." She waved a bony finger in Sam's direction just in case Andy was unaware of whom she was referring to, "...called and said he wasn't coming out...so I had to come in."

"You didn't _**have**_ to do anything." Sam eyed his sister pointedly as he delivered two mugs of fresh coffee to the counter, and pulled another slice of banana bread out of the box in the middle and proceeded to take a large chomping bite out of it, as he made himself comfortable on a stool on the opposite side of the bar.

"Do you even chew your food?" Sarah quirked a disbelieving eyebrow at her brother after he finished off what was left of his slice with two more bites.

"You think that's bad...you should see this one with pancakes...it's like she inhales the plate." Sam nodded his head slightly in Andy's direction, reaching across the counter top for her free hand and tangling his fingers in with hers, earning a small shy smile.

Andy unwrapped her other hand from around her coffee mug and hooked a finger into the corner of the box, pulling it towards her and peering inside – wrinkling her nose in concentration, and eventually opted for a pain au raisin – plucking it from its home tucked into the side of the tasty treat display, and nibbling at the corner. She eventually migrated towards a more human sized bite, and issued a sigh of satisfaction before turning her wide eyes back to Sarah. "That is soooo good...where is this place?"

Andy's eyes dropped back to the box after Sarah's bright dimpled smile registered, flipping the lid to study the printed information that could be found there and then glanced back up at Sarah with a mild look of confusion – it may have been the best pain au raisin she had ever tasted, but they didn't exactly come from the best neighbourhood.

"Good right? Me and Sam used to hang out there on a Sunday afternoon – the best sugar snacks for study cramming. It was owned by this amazing woman...Rose O'Dowd...I swear Sam used to live off her banana bread – she used to pack him off home with enough of it to last a month." She leaned towards Andy and cupped her hand around her mouth, stage whispered "I think he was her favourite..." which earned her an eye roll from her brother.

"I fixed things for her...got paid in treats." Was the clarification Andy got when she peered over at him curiously, a small smile tweaking at her lips.

Sarah pulled her own slice of banana bread out of the treat box and took a bite, before continuing with her explanation. "She was an amazing woman...tough and unbelievably sweet at the same time. She used to let us hang out there for hours...kept the small cafe section open way later than is would otherwise have been and we used to hole ourselves up in one of the booths at the back. She's gone now – but I wanted to go back, made Paul drive into town that way so I could see if it was still there. Her daughter runs it now – but it's still almost exactly the same..." She glanced over at Sam with a sympathetic look, "Buggles is gone..."

Andy peered back and forth between the two of them curiously, "Buggles...?"

The answer came from Sam, a smirk edging its way onto his face as he elaborated for her. "She had a stuffed cat...Sarah seems to think I had an affinity for the freakish thing..."

"You spent a lot of time staring at it..."

"It freaked me out...its little dead beady eyes used to follow you around the room, threatening to pounce – seriously who keeps things like that...?!"

Sarah pulled herself to her feet, and glanced back at Andy – offering her a "It's what started his whole phobia thing off..."

"I do **not**..."

"Yes you do."

"I don't like them...it's not a phobia – it's a preference."

"Keep telling yourself that...I hear hypnotherapy helps...Can I use your bathroom? It was a really long drive this morning..."

Andy jumped up onto the balls of her own feet – head nodding enthusiastically. "Yes, yeah of course...it's just through there..." Waving her hand in the general direction as a signal. She waited until Sarah was out of sight before turning back to Sam with a wicked grin. "Cat's huh?"

"Shut up."

She bounced around to him, wriggling herself in between him and her counter and perching against his thigh – wrapping an arm around his shoulders and grazing a brief kiss against his cheek. "Don't worry...I'm much more of dog person."

* * *

Sarah sidled up to Sam on the bench, and made a point of keeping her attention trained on Paul, Andy and the kids careening around the court in front of them – playground taunts being thrown back and forth, and loud laughter reverberating off the trees. After a couple of side long glances at her brother she nudged his thigh with her knee – reaching into her bag, and pulling his attention away from the apparent funness occurring in front of them...her fingers closing around the little black box, but the brief hint of anguish in his expression as he turned to look at her stopped her from offering it to him at that second. It was gone in a moment, the smile that he chased it away with would have had anyone else doubting what they saw – but she knew her brother too well. He had been quieter than normal with all of them, and it wasn't until now that she had got him to herself enough to ask about it. "You ok?"

He smiled wider at her, and she had an overwhelming urge to hug him. "Yep, good. You?"

"Sam..."

"Sarah – I'm fine."

"Are you worried about the trials...?"

"Sarah..."

"They have enough evidence to lock them up right...? The guys that were in that warehouse, the one that shot you..."

Sam looked away from her and back to the game that was still in full swing in front of them. "I'm not worried about them..."

"You nearly wound up dead because of them...don't tell me..."

"Sarah that's...It has nothing to do with that ok..."

"Then talk to me...what's going on in that head of yours?"

She didn't get an answer from him, just a small shake of his head and she let it go for a minute – interrupted by the herd of pounding feet that were her two children charging towards them for drinks supplies.

A breathless "Did you give Uncle Sammy the ring...?" was forced from Louise's mouth in between gulps of water, as she peered back and forth between her mom and her uncle. Sarah shook her head in reply, and watched Jake pull her unashamedly away and back over to the court to commence battle. With one look at the curious expression aimed at her from her brother when she looked back at him, she reached into her bag again and presented him with the little black jewellery box her fingers had wrapped around a few moments earlier.

"It's Nana's...She left it to me when she died, and I packed it in with my things in my backpack the day we...you know. I think she'd like you to have it...or Andy to have it, if you want to give it to her...make it official. You can't ask a girl to marry you and not give her a ring Sam..."

He stared at her – wide-eyed stared for a few seconds, before shaking his head slightly – a denial tripping on his tongue. "Sarah – I can't...that's...you..."

"I want you to have it...Andy to have it. She would too...I know she would." Sarah took the box out of the palm of her hand, and pushed it into his – pulling herself to her feet and giving his shoulder a small squeeze of reassurance. "...And I know you have Andy, and friends – really good friends here...but if you want to talk about whatever is bothering you – you can talk to me...anytime ok?"

"I know."

"I know you know...but you don't do it...Sam – you don't..."

"Will you please let it go – I'm fine."

"Sure you are..."

Sam raised a challenging eyebrow at her scepticism – but she didn't push it any further, knew she wouldn't get anywhere by trying to force it out of him so turned on her heel and walked with a determined purpose towards Andy with the intention of giving her a much needed break from her raucous family, nudging her back in Sam's direction. Unfortunately her children had other ideas, and within five minutes had pulled on Andy and Sam hard enough to get them back on the court and into the game.

* * *

Andy faltered slightly when she came out of the bathroom stall at the restaurant and found Sarah waiting for her by the sink – eyeing her cautiously through the mirror while appearing to be trying to fix something with her already perfect hair – and she smiled a little too brightly at her, sending Andy's defensive alarms into overdrive – but she tried to smile back. She saw her attempted effort reflected back at her, and knew that it didn't really cut it. She walked over to stand next to her, reaching out to wash her hands and meeting Sarah's eyes in the mirror above the basin. "Hey..."

"Hey...I'm sorry about just turning up today – It's just...I know my brother, and if I'd called and told him we were coming he would have said not to...I just wanted to see that he's ok." Sarah gave up the pretence of fixing her hair and turned around to face her, studying her reaction.

"It's ok...It's been nice seeing you...I tried to convince him to come...visit, but he..." Andy's words tailed off as she reached for some paper towels to dry her hands. She knew exactly why Sam hadn't agreed to go – just as well as why she had wanted him to, but she didn't want to get into that conversation with Sarah.

"I know...he can be a stubborn pain in the ass sometimes..." Sarah reached out and wrapped her hand around Andy's arm after she threw away the paper towels and pulled her in for a tight brief hug – flashing a brief hard smile at her as she pulled away. "I know he acts like some unbreakable, un-penetrable, tough guy half the time, but...he's not. Not even close...he's just extremely good at compartmentalising and burying things deep enough that sometimes you have to dig really hard to find them. Promise me you'll dig? Even when he makes it really difficult – because that's when you know you're getting close – I'm not close enough anymore for him to let me do that...and something's up. I can tell...promise me you'll take care of him."

Andy couldn't find her voice, blinking fiercely and willing herself not to cry in front of Sarah she tried to force a shaky watery smile into place and offered an agitated nod of her head in agreement – but Sarah's perceptive gene's were kicked into high gear – had been since she arrived in the city this morning, and she picked up in the change of her demeanour almost instantly. "Andy...?"

She forced out a croaky "I promise..." before attempting to walk around her, and back to everyone else who were more than likely tucking into their burgers by this point – but Sarah reached out a hand and held on to her. "They're going to be wondering where we are..."

"Andy, what's going on?"

"Nothing...I...We should head back."

"I'm not buying it – tell me what's going on..."

"What did Sam tell you...?" Andy's whole body tensed, Sarah felt the shift under her fingertips and loosed her grip on her arm slightly – hoping that it would ease the tension.

"Nothing, as per usual...I'm worried about the two of you...you've been through a lot...I just..."

"How did you do it?"

"Do what?" A bewildered expression followed her response to Andy's question, Sarah's brow creasing in confusion.

"Get over it...when you were attacked...how did you...how did you get over it?"

"I didn't...haven't...you don't get over something like that, you just learn to..." The distress appearing in Andy's features, the obvious battle she was having with her emotions clued her in extremely quickly to what was going on...what had happened...why she asked. "Andy..."

"It's ok...I'm sorry – I shouldn't have asked, we need to go..." This time Sarah let her leave, letting go of her arm and watched her push her way out of the door and back into the diner. She knew as soon as she followed her back to the table, and saw the look Sam was levelling at her in her peripheral vision that he had figured something was up – they were both a lot more agitated than when they left, and Andy was refusing to look at either of them – instead busying herself making conversation with Louise and Jake – helping Jake to arrange his fries into smiley faces on his plate.

He put an "everything ok...?" out there, which was greeted with a clipped "fine," from Andy and he raised a questioning eyebrow at his sister – trying to play down his concern and she shook her head in response, hoping he would let it go.

By the time Sarah, Paul and the kids were ready to leave the awkwardness between them all had more or less disappeared, Andy relaxing slowly once she realised that Sarah wasn't going to force the topic. It was because of that she wasn't expecting the death grip of a hug she got from her when they left – a whisper in her ear of "It will get easier...eventually it will stop being something that you're always thinking about...trust me...you don't get over it, but it will get easier. If you ever want to talk...call me...I mean it." She didn't wait for a response, just unwrapped her grip and wrapped her brother in a hug that was just as fierce – before leaving them both in the parking lot and clambering into the car, looking back and waving with a soft smile as Paul pulled away.

* * *

A/N...As always...I hope you enjoy. I've got another instalment winging it's way here soon – it will be the start of the trials...but until then, please let me know what you think by using the little review box.


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter Thirty-Eight**

Sam scrunched his eyes closed, and scrubbed at them in an attempt to stop the burning. He was tired, the most ridiculous amount of tired – his bones actually ached, but so far any form of sleep he had tried to seek out had eluded him. He couldn't get comfortable, couldn't really move – Andy had practically glued herself to his side all night, and even in her sleep she appeared to have maintained a desperate grip on him. He tried to shuffle slightly, crane his neck so that he could see past her to check the time on the alarm clock and it flashed an angry 3.15 at him in bright red lettering, he stifled a sigh – his head dropping back against the pillow with an eye roll. He held himself deadly still when he felt Andy stir against him, her bony fingers digging into his shoulder and a sleepy sigh ghosting against his neck. He held still until he was sure she was really and truly out again, and gingerly extricated himself from her grip – gently holding onto her and easing her back into the mattress, dropping a gentle kiss on the back of her head and then the edge of her shoulder as she buried her face into his pillow and scooted out from under her, shuffling to the edge of the bed, planting his feet firmly on the cool floorboards and pulling on his tracksuit pants before padding softly out of the room and towards her kitchen.

He didn't have the energy to switch on any of the lights, his tired eyes already burning and dry and he knew his way around her apartment well enough not to need them – collected a bottle of scotch and a glass before allowing his aching legs to take refuge on her bar stool, and poured himself a large helping of the amber liquid – relishing in the warm burn as it slid down his throat in one very large gulp. He poured himself another one, but didn't drink it...just nursed the glass in his fingers and watched the way it filtered the lights shining in the huge windows from the streets outside. His brain felt like cotton – unable to think or process anything, but somehow at the same time unable to switch off. He felt the pressure and the worry of what the looming morning would bring weighing down on him like a lead weight – and the more he tried not to think about it, the more he couldn't think about anything else. The thought of what Andy was going to have to put herself through made his heart drop and churn in time with his stomach, and those thoughts always seemed to lead into thoughts of what she had already been through...as much as he tried to stop them...sneaking into the dark corners of his brain, and scratching up against some scars he thought he had healed. He swallowed thickly a couple of times, swigging a mouthful of scotch as a follow through measure in an attempt to force the bile rising in his throat back – and move his automatic thought pilot away from the images his brain was insisting on filing through – of the things that they could have done to her, the things that happened to his sister – the fact that he had been useless and powerless to stop what had happened to either – he knew where this was going to end, didn't want his head to take him there...he wanted – no needed sleep. He needed sleep.

He reached into his pocket, and pulled out his phone with the hand not nursing his scotch and stared blankly at the screen for a few minutes – scrolling aimlessly through the menu, until he inadvertently pulled up Sarah's details in his contacts list. He eyed her name on the screen, working his jaw and waging an internal debate with himself – he wanted to call her, he needed to call her – talk to her, but it was late...far too late for him to even be reasonably considering it – except he was, thumb hovering above the call button until he was distracted by the creak of the hinges on Andy's bedroom door – her sleepy form stumbling into view, and a rubbing a fist over her bleary eyes – a wide yawn escaping for good measure. "Hey...what are you doing?" Her voice was low and sleepy, and she padded across to him at the counter – wrapping her fingers around the edge, and peering at him.

"Nothing...You should go back to bed, get some sleep." Sam flashed a quick smile at her, dropping his phone of the counter top and reaching forward to brush some of her wayward hair off her face.

Andy leaned into his touch, before reaching up and taking hold of his hand – interlacing their fingers and tugging on him. "Come with me..."

"Andy..."

"Please...? I can't sleep if you're not there." Her big brown eyes locked on his and in that second she looked so young to him. Young, and vulnerable and he squeezed her hand, pulling her over to him gently until she bumped into his thigh. Letting go of his drink he wrapped his hand around the back of her neck and pulled her a little closer, brushed her nose with his before nuzzling in at her neck with a gentle kiss.

"Just give me a minute – I'll be there in a bit ok?"

She wrapped her arms around him, clung onto him super tight for a second – stared at him for a good few seconds more when she pulled back again before she finally gave up her hold, but she did as he asked – turning away and walking softly back to her room, leaving her door wide open for him to follow.

He watched her leave, finally letting go of the breath he didn't know he had been holding in a violent puff of air and scrubbed a palm at his face – trying to rid any kind of coherent thought from his head, and pulled himself to his feet – reaching for and glancing at his phone. He typed in a quick _'love you'_ and hit the send button, before the realisation of what he was doing hit...and he cursed his sleep deprived brain – if there was one thing that was going to clue his sister into the fact that he was struggling, that was it. He dropped the offending phone onto the counter, downed the last of his drink and rinsed the glass – placing it on the drainer and the bottle back in its cupboard before following in Andy's earlier path, pulling the door gently closed behind him.

She was already curled up under the covers when he made it back to the bed, her eyes closed – any thought that he had around her already falling back asleep was cleared out of his head when she threw the covers back on his side of the bed for him to climb in as soon as he reached the edge. He did as she asked, climbed into the bed and stretched out on his back – staring at the ceiling. The thick silence of the room was cut with her soft, quiet whisper after about five minutes.

"Sam..."

He turned his head to look at her, but she was still facing away – curled up on her side, and not touching him. "Yeah...?"

She reached out a hand – her cold fingers wrapping around his arm trying to pull him to her, as she wriggled backwards – tugging on him insistently until she had manoeuvred them both so that his arms were wrapped around her, her legs tangled up with his and her hands held his arms against her in a vice grip. "Ok...it's ok. Everything's going to be ok." His voice waivered on the last _'ok'_ and she felt him tighten his hold on her – a kiss landing somewhere in her hair, and she screwed her eyes shut tight – forcing the dampness away and wriggled backwards a little more in an attempt to get even closer.

"Love you..." It had been quiet, her lips mumbling the sentiment into the pillow, but she knew he heard her – felt the sharp expansion of his ribs against her as he sucked in some air, and said it straight back.

* * *

Sam eyed the coffee on the breakfast counter skeptically He felt sick, hadn't been able to eat any of the breakfast he had made and tried to force into Andy earlier (had relented after she sat at the breakfast counter pushing the food around her plate for thirty minutes, and managing four painful mouthfuls). He fidgeted with his shirt collar a couple of times...tried to loosen the stranglehold he felt, even though it wasn't even buttoned all the way up and grabbed the cup - forcing a couple of gulps down before the buzzer on the door sounded.

He was surprised by Sarah for the second time in two weeks as she smiled, small and concerned at him from the hallway.

"Don't look at me like that...where else am I going to be?"

Sam tried to force some words out of his mouth, but in the end all he could manage was "Sarah...I...you don't..."

"I got your message." She nudged him backwards into the apartment, so that she could get inside and closed the door behind her. "Where's Andy?"

"She's...uh...getting ready." He waved his arm in the direction of her bedroom, and Sarah followed his line of vision to the doorway before looking back at him from her spot now in the centre of the room.

"Sam..."

"Don't...please...Sarah I can't..."

She ignored the shaking of his head as she paced back towards him, and wrapped her arms around him in a tight, fierce hug. He tried to shrug her off but she was having none of it, and eventually he let her hold him – wrapping an arm around her in return and she whispered a "love you too Sammy," in his ear.

Sarah didn't let go of him until she felt him tense again and heard footsteps behind her, turning to see Andy loitering and eyeing Sam from her doorway – picking agitatedly at her fingers. Her hair was down – probably because she knew she would need something to fiddle with, bare minimum of makeup applied and a black blouse and grey pencil skirt. Luke had said it would be better for her not to testify in uniform – would make her more relatable. She tried a smile, but it didn't stay put long – chin dimpling and her lips twitching with the effort of keeping her tears at bay, her already red-rimmed eyes turning glassy again. "How do I look...trustworthy and believable?"

Sarah looked back and forth between her brother and Andy a couple of times, was close enough to him to hear the sharp intake of breath he had and the way the two of them were eyeing each other broke her heart a little. She reached out and gave Sam's hand a reassuring squeeze, before walking back over to Andy and sweeping her up in a hug and squeezing her tight. "You're going to do fine..."

Traci had met the three of them at the courthouse, was waiting in the hallway for them and swept Andy up into an awkward hug as soon as they got there...awkward because she refused to relinquish the death grip she had on Sam's hand as soon as they had left her apartment. The prosecutor arrived a few minutes later – asking Traci and Andy to follow him to an office just down the hallway, and Andy's grip on Sam's hand tightened to bone crushing level – her wide-eyes seeking out his for re-assurance.

"I don't think I can do this..."

Sam caught Traci's eye, and she nodded – understanding, and reaching out a comforting hand to squeeze her shoulder. "I'm going to go with Martin...we have to talk about a couple of things, you just come and join us when you're ready." Traci nudged him down the hall, and Andy watched them walk away before turning back to Sam – shaking her head, her fingernails digging into his palm.

"I can't...Sam...I can't..!"

Sarah took a few steps away, down to the edge of the hallway to give them some space and found a chair – trying to focus on anything other than the two of them. Sam pried his hand out of her death grip – wrapping his hands around her shoulders and waited for her to stop shaking. "Yes you can..."

"No! No I can't!"

He pulled her to him, wrapping her tightly in her arms and letting her bury her face against his neck – held her until breathing even out, and she clutched at his shirt – bunching it in her fists. "You can Andy...I know you can." He pulled away from her a bit, took a step back and cupped her face in his hands, kissing her gently on her forehead before forcing her to look up at him. "Do you want me to come with you...?"

Andy came to her senses at that, or at least tried to pull herself together. She took a few large steps backwards...shaking her head vehemently, before finding the words she needed. "No...No...I...No...I'm ok." She glanced down the hallway to the door that Traci and the prosecutor walked in to before looking back to Sam, "It's just...they're just...He just wants to run over things right? I'll see you before I have to go in..."

Sam forced a small smile into place, and gave a small nod of his head in confirmation. "Right...just run it through. I'll be right here..."

She tried to smile back, stood in the same spot for a few long seconds before she turned on her heel and walked down the hallway – Sam watched her walk away, knock and walk through the door at the bottom of the hall, finally forcing his feet towards a chair when she disappeared from sight and took a seat before he fell down. He could feel Sarah's eyes on him, but he couldn't make himself acknowledge her – opting instead to take stock of the floorboards beneath his feet.

* * *

A/N...and there goes instalment two for this weekend – but it will be the last one for this week I'm afraid folks...uni books are calling! Thank you for being patient with me – and as always, I hope you enjoyed and thank you for your awesome reviews...they really do make me smile! :o) xxxxx


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter Thirty-Nine.**

Sarah moved herself up the row of chairs silently until she was next to her brother, wrapping a hand around the top of his arm and tugging on it slightly to try and encourage him to look at her, finding her voice when that tactic didn't work. "Sam...? Sam...She's going to be ok. I'm...she'll get through it, and then it'll be done...It's never going to be as bad as today again..."

He shrugged out of her grip, sucked in a fierce gulp of air and scrubbed at his face trying to rid himself of the direction his head was taking before pulling himself onto shaky legs to get some space back – Sarah saw it coming, didn't take it personally...she knew he wouldn't let her try and comfort him – just watched his expression to try and get some kind of reading on where he was at. "I...I'm just going to..."

He waved his hand in the direction down the hall, towards the door but froze to the spot before he took a step and Sarah picked up on the sudden tension appearing in his previously hunched shoulders, and the hard edge of his expression – following his line of sight down towards the door, before pulling herself up onto her feet and taking a couple of cautious steps towards him. "Sam..."

He didn't offer any kind of acknowledgement that he had heard the caution in her voice, just stared down the hall with a hard glare for several long moments – his eyes wide with disbelief, before pushing passed her and making a beeline for the blonde detective talking to some suited and booted faces at the end of the hall. Luke's expression took on an apprehensive cautious expression when he saw Sam stalking towards him, tried to force a small smile of greeting onto his face and issued a few parting words to his present company before taking a few steps away from them to meet up with Sam before he made it to the group. "Sam..."

"What are you doing here?"

"It's my case..."

Sam bared his teeth at him in a hard cold smile, then forced himself to drop his gaze to the floor and try to reign himself in a bit before looking back up at him. "Nash has it covered...you don't need to be here."

"I'm not going anywhere...I need to be here, it's my case..." Luke's tone wasn't aggressive – more calm and reasonable, with a slightly patronising edge that grated against Sam's nerves and he clenched his fists in an effort to keep himself in check.

"Sam...Come on...air remember?" Sarah tried to position herself between her brother and Luke, catch his eye and tried to push him back a few steps but he refused to budge or acknowledge her.

"You're not going in there...you can't do that to her – it's enough that she has to do this already..." Sam's hand connected with Luke's chest and forced him to take a couple of steps back.

"I've read her statement Sammy – I already know what happened, she knows I know...and it's really not your call...if she doesn't want me in there she can tell me..." Sarah felt Sam physically flinch under her fingers at Luke's words, and increased her hold on him as Luke brushed past them both and started walking down the hall towards the office door that had hidden Andy from view twenty minutes earlier – practically wrapping herself around him to keep him from following him down to the door.

"Sam...Don't...ok? She doesn't need you brawling with him in the hallway – let him go..."

Sarah let him shrug out of her grip as soon as Luke had also disappeared from view, and he turned away from her without a word and stalked through the door to the washrooms – leaving her in the middle of the hallway.

* * *

"You understand what I'm saying...I'm going to have to ask them..." Martin, their prosecutor leaned forward on his desk – his expression open and serious, and Andy glanced up from the sheet of paper gripped in her fingers – her wide eyes skipping over Luke and seeking out Traci.

"Who's working their defence..."

She followed Traci's look in Luke's direction, and saw the small nod of his head in acknowledgement before she answered her. "Laquinn...Leonie Laquinn..."

With one look at her expression Traci leaned forward past Luke, and wrapped a reassuring hand around her wrist, squeezing gently. "They had some funds and some contacts...they're playing the game – but you can do this..."

Andy sucked in a shaky breath, before pushing the paperwork back on the edge of the desk. "I don't want to know what you're going to ask...I'm only going to sit out there and run through them in my head over and over again...it's going to be bad enough going through them once." She glanced up at Martin, before looking back over to Traci...a quiver already evident in her voice. "Do you need me here to talk tactics...I just..."

"It's ok...You going to be with Sam?" Traci forced a small smile at her small nod of agreement, and issued a soft "It's ok...go. I'll come and find you if we need you..."

* * *

Sarah looked up from the spot she was eyeing on the floor when she heard footsteps, finding a teary eyed Andy standing in front of her. "Hey..."

"Where's Sam?"

"Washroom..." Sarah eyed her for a few moments, opting not to disclose the detail that he had been hiding himself away in there for the past thirty minutes since Luke had disappeared into the prosecutor's office to join her and Traci. Andy nodded her head in acceptance of her explanation, and looked down the hallway to the signage indicating where she could find him...she hesitated slightly, almost considered walking through the door to find him, but eventually decided against it – taking a seat next to Sarah and closing her eyes – letting her head thud back against the wall behind her. "Is he ok?"

"What...?"

"He won't talk to me...and everything has been about looking after me, and I love him for it...but...I know he's...He...I...I hate that this is hurting him..."

Sarah took hold of her hand, and squeezed until Andy opened her eyes and turned to look at her – nodding her head in the direction of the hallway, and Andy turned to follow her line of vision and pulled herself onto her feet meeting Sam when he was halfway back to them – launching herself at him in a hug that took him slightly be surprise.

He tangled a hand up in her hair, holding her against him tighter and wrapped an arm around her waist – pulling her to him and almost lifting her off the floor at the same time, dropping his head so he could bury his face in her neck and breathe her in - issuing a soft greeting against her soft lotion smelling skin. "Hey..."

She pulled away from him, and reached up to tug his hair gently with her hands and make him look at her – wrapping one hand around the back of his neck and tracing a line down his cheek with the thumb of her other hand – eventually letting her hand drop and fist in the collar of his shirt...the low, gravelly and slightly wrecked sound of his voice pulling on her heartstrings – and she tugged on his collar until she pulled him close enough for a kiss – tiptoeing it and wrapping her arms around him and clinging on tight, burying her face against his shoulder when she pulled away and mumbling a small "Hi..." into his shirt.

She felt him tense – his back muscles twitch through his shirt, and she peered back over her shoulder and saw Luke and Traci stepping out into the hallway – shaking hands with the prosecutor – and she looked back to Sam when they both started to walk towards them – her heart jumping into her throat and thudding under her voice box. She reached up and squeezed his face between her hands, forcing his attention back to her again. "I love you..."

* * *

She had been inside the court room...on the stand for an hour, a whole sixty minutes, three thousand six hundred seconds – and Sam had felt each one like a year. He had tried out ten different chairs – not able to stay seated in one of them for longer than a few minutes, and paced a line between the entrance to the court room and the chair where Sarah was sitting enough times to make them both dizzy. He had caught sight of her eyeballing him with concern a few times, and shifted position so he didn't have to see her worry – It made it easier to ignore, but she had eventually had enough.

"Sam – quit it."

He eyed her from his spot on the opposite side of the hall, before huffing out a sigh and leaning back against the wall – dropping his head and scuffing at the floor. "Sorry..."

"You know the fact that she didn't want you inside has nothing to do with how...the fact that her...that... - golden boy being in there and you being out here...it doesn't mean that she trusts him more than you...it means that she cares about you more...you get that right?"

Sarah caught sight of a twitch in his jaw and knew that she had hit a nerve, forcing herself to stay in her seat and not wrap him up in a hug and try to reassure him that everything was going to be ok – the truth was they both knew that it could turn out to be anything but, but she wanted to take the edge off for him...make sure that he had someone to lean on instead of always being the strong one for everyone else. "Sam..."

"I know...I know ok...It's just..."

"You can't do anymore than what you're doing...and it's enough, believe me...you don't know how much of a difference you're making..."

It was the small hollow smile that had forced its way onto his expression when he looked back up at her that eventually forced her to her feet – he had pulled himself together again...at least partly – by the time she reached him, but she pulled him into a warm hug anyway – he didn't push her away, but she knew he was letting her hold onto him more for her own comfort than the reassurance and comfort she was trying to offer him.

* * *

Sarah had eventually managed to grip hold of Sam's arm tight enough to keep him in one spot, slouched in the chair next to her with his head in his hands when the door to the court room creaked open – Traci emerging from behind it and he stood up so fast he practically pulled her arm out of its socket. "What's going on...?"

"They're taking a break...giving her a bit of a break." She felt Sam's muscles tense under the hand she still had wrapped around his arm when Traci looked at them, felt her own stomach churn at her red rimmed eyes, and gripped hold of his arm a little tighter.

"Where is she...?"

"They won't let you see her...not until they're done...it could compromise her testimony – you know that..."

"Traci...I..."

"I know...I'm checking on her...she'll be ok...she's doing ok..." She offered a small, wavering smile in their direction before walking slowly down the hall and knocking on the prosecutor's office door – and edging her way inside.

When Sarah looked back from the office door to Sam his eyes were closed, fists clenched and breathing shallow and she tugged on his arm until she had manoeuvred them both back to their seats, "Sam..."

"Don't...ok, just don't...I need some air." He shrugged out of her grasp and pulled himself up onto his feet – power walking towards the exit.

* * *

"Andy..." Traci reached out a warm hand to her friend, wrapping her hand around hers and squeezing gently. She was curled up at the other edge of the couch, shaking like a leaf...staring wide eyed at the bright coloured painting hanging on the wall directly opposite her and refusing to budge an inch. "Andy...you're doing great..."

She was shaking so much she barely picked up on the denial she offered with the minute shake of her head. "It's like they get to do it all over again..."

"Andy..."

"Why do they have to be there...?"

"Ignore them..."

That got a reaction – her head whipping around to stare at her so quickly she should have given her whiplash. "What...?!"

"They're trying to make this difficult for you, and I know it's hard..."

"Hard?!..." Andy pulled herself onto wobbly legs and backed away from her friend until her shoulder blades connected with the wall behind her. "I have to stand up there and relieve every single detail, and they're just standing there watching me...smiling at me! He SMILED at me Traci...like almost laughing smiled...I..." Her words died on her lips and she shook her head more fiercely at her friend, pleading with her not to come any closer when she stood up to follow her...if she let someone try to hold her now she would never be able to pull herself together enough to go back in there. "Their defence hasn't even started yet...I can't..."

"You can do this...you were doing great in there...ok? You're not the one on trial here, they are..."

"It doesn't feel like it..." Andy sank down onto the floor – her face scrunched up in an effort to keep fresh tears at bay, and hugged her legs against her in a defensive gesture. "I can feel their eyes crawling over me...like...feel them Traci...I can still feel all of it..."

Traci walked softly over to her, and slid down the wall until she was sat next to her – wrapping her up tightly in her arms. "We're going to get you through this..."

* * *

A/N...one update as promised...I've split the chapter in half because I wanted to get something up for you guys and I'm still not happy with the second half yet...I will get it to you soon though...xxx


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter Forty.**

Sarah waited thirty minutes for Sam to return before she finally relented and went hunting him down – her concern for him eventually winning out over the fact that she knew he wouldn't be too pleased with her checking up on him. In that time she had seen Luke venture out of the court-room gallery to see Traci and Andy, and seen both Traci and Luke leave the prosecutor's office fifteen minutes later – she managed to grab a few updated details from Traci, although she doubted whether she was allowing her to hear the unedited version of how Andy was holding up. It took her a further forty five minutes to track him down – searching the block out the front of the building, the maze of hallways on the first and second floors, and she eventually found him in a corner of the parking lot around the back leaning against the wire fence staring into space.

She approached him slowly – waiting for the sarcastic comment about space or air, or leaving him alone...none of which came – he didn't actually appear to register her presence, but he spoke to her when she finally reached him. A raspy "hey..." issued in greeting and a fragile smile as he met her gaze.

Sarah pulled her coat tighter against her small frame, trying to block out the biting wind and glanced up at the threateningly grey rain clouds gathering in the sky before she reached out and wrapped her arm through his...trying to pull him with her back to the door but his feet remained planted in position. "Sam, come back inside – it's freezing out here..."

"So go..."

She threw a pointed look at him, and he looked away – eyes landing somewhere over the other side of the parking lot – shoving his hands further into his pockets.

"They're probably not going to be that much longer...I think everything started again about thirty minutes ago..." That got his attention – big eyes analysing her expression and a twitch of his jaw, before he looked away again. "Traci said she's doing ok...or you know, as ok as can be expected...Sam...?"

"What else did she say?"

"Nothing...or not a lot – Luke was there, and they were going back inside so..."

"Right...of course he was." There was so much going on behind that statement that Sarah actually had no idea what to say or what to do. She wanted to get him to talk to her, needed to get him to talk and she knew the chances of it happening were slim but she still had to try.

"What's going on in that head of yours?" She wasn't above playing dirty – she was not about to let him brush her off, but gave him the benefit of the doubt and an easy way out to start with. When her only response was a shuffle of his feet as he readjusted his leaning position and a shrug of his shoulders she battled a sigh, and tugged on his arm again. "Sam...Can we go inside, please? I don't want to do this out here – its arctic!"

"Do what?" He looked back to her with an apprehensive frown and she tightened her grip on his arm – knowing the resistance she was about to meet.

"I want to talk to you..."

Sam scrutinised her face for a good few seconds before shaking his head in refusal and tried to pull his arm out of her grip, but she held firm. "Sam..."

"If you're cold then go inside – I just wanted some air, I can't go back in there yet."

"I'm not leaving you out here."

"Sarah, I-"

"Don't you dare say you're ok!" Sam successfully pulled his arm free, and scrunched his eyes closed pinching the bridge of his nose and sucking in a large breath – his shoulders slumping dejectedly as he let it out again in a shaky sigh and he crossed his arms and opened his eyes, looking back at his sister.

"What do you want me to say? I'm not the one that...It should never have happened. She should never have been on that job...in that god-forsaken place anyway, and she should have never been put in that position...or have to do this...!"

"It shouldn't happen to anybody...nobody deserves for something like that to happen to them – not Andy...not me..." She regretted it as soon as the words left her mouth, and the expression that he met them with them actually made her feel sick – she knew that wasn't what he meant, didn't even think that he did – in that moment her mouth just seemed to have a mind of its own.

"That's...I...Jesus Sar – I know th-that's not what I..."

Sarah reached out and pulled on his hand, wrapping it in both of hers and squeezing tight – a wobbly "I know..." and a small reassuring smile was the best she could manage for a minute, and then pulled him off the fence and into a brief hug – a mumbled "Please can we just go inside..." against his shirt, and felt him return her tight squeeze.

They were sat back down in the warm hallway side by side before she spoke again, still gripping onto his hand – telling herself she was trying to make sure he didn't suddenly go down with hypothermia after spending so long outside – that her slightly warmer hand temperature would help to warm him up, but it was probably a lot more to do with trying to remind him that he could trust her enough to talk – that she was there for him. "Is that what this thing is with you and Luke – you blame him for what happened to Andy?"

"You just can't give it up can you...?"

She peered across at him but he wasn't looking at her, just focusing on a spot on the far side of the wall – and she increased her hold on his hand. "I'm your sister – it's my job to care about you..."

He looked back at her – an empty smile forced onto his expression, and a pointed eyebrow."I'm a grown-up; I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

"Except you don't – you're always too busy looking out for everybody else, and you're forgetting that I **know** you...there's something going on in that head of yours..."

His smile fell, but he held her gaze – squeezing her hand for added emphasis. "Sarah...listen to me. I am not the person we should be worrying about right now- -"

"I know what happened to me was different...completely different circumstances. I didn't have to go through any of this...wouldn't have had to even if they caught them...but if it happened now. If it had happened to me now, or even after I had met Paul – I wouldn't want him to hear it all either."

"Sarah, I don't - - "

She didn't give him a chance to interrupt her – shook her head vigorously at him and pulled on his hand until he stopped talking. "No – Sam...I need you to listen to me. I know you – ok? I know how hard this is for you, and I know you hate feeling shut out – like you can't do anything. That you hate the fact that her ex is inside, and you're out here. I know you remember? But you can't think about it like that...she needs things to be this way because...she wants the two of you to be able to recover from this – doesn't want it to define your relationship from here on out. She's doing it to protect you – knowing that you would have to hear every little detail – that she would have to practically tell you every little detail while she's stood up there – knowing how hard it would be for you to hear...that would make things ten times as hard for her too...you have to understand that. She's not reaching for him over you..."

"Sarah – quit it!"

The harshness of his tone forced her to clamp her lips shut, and he pulled his hand out of her grasp – scrubbed at his face, and a small heartbreaking laugh escaped before he forced his slack jaw closed and slouched down in his seat, dropping his head and studying the floor tiles.

"Sam..."

"Is that what you've been doing here all day – psycho-analysing me?" He peered back up at her and shook his head in disbelief – sitting back up in his chair, and the back of his head thunking back against the wall behind him. "...Quit it...ok?"

"I'm trying to help..."

"You're not helping...you're making things worse – can't we just talk about something else...how are the kids?"

"They're fine...does Andy have any time off after this?"

Her question was initially met with a sigh, and a resigned shake of his head. "She said that they were not going to stop her doing her job...didn't want to sit around dwelling on it every minute of the day..."

She nodded her head in acknowledgement, thought for a couple of seconds before inviting them anyway. "Maybe you could persuade her otherwise...you're not cleared to go back yet right?"

"What are you getting at?" He eyed her curiously for a minute, before she responded with a small smile.

"Bring her out to visit...it would do you both good to get away, have a break. You'd both be more than welcome, and I know the kids would love it..."

She got a small smile and a slow small nod of his head in acknowledgement. "I'll talk to her..."

"Good."

"I'm not making any promises Sar...It's completely her call, and I'm not going to come out and stay without her...not with all this going on..."

"I know..."

"And it won't be for a couple of weeks...I'm testifying against the rest of this clan next week..."

She nodded her head in agreement, a soft "I know that too," and then she let it drop. She left him in the hall fifteen minutes later – ventured to the coffee shop two blocks down to pick them up a couple of double shot Americano's. She handed Sam's to him when she got back, settling softly down in her chair and waited until he took a gulp of his coffee before giving him a gentle nudge of "You heard what I said right...? About golden boy...?"

He nearly choked, and she got some serious wide eyed eyebrow once he half recovered – eventually, once he found his voice again he rewarded her with "Yeah, I heard you. Sarah – I know this whole day can't have been easy for you either...I..."

"One more question – and then I promise I'll let it drop."

His eyes widened cautiously, and she forced a "Promise..." out of her mouth, just in case the re-iteration of her vow would make him more likely to be persuaded.

"Oooookay..." He nodded his head at her in agreement – swift and fast, blink and you'll miss it fast, hoping she would change her mind. "Go."

"You know none of this is your...you can't..."

"Spit it out..."

"I know it's part of who you are...what makes you who you are...with mum...me...It's like the one thing I know...after dad was...and after what I went through..." She lost eye contact with him, he looked away from her and back to a spot on the opposite side of the wall and she knew she was scraping on an extremely raw nerve – reaching out and wrapping a reassuring hand around his arm as he closed his eyes."...you can't protect everyone from everything all of the time...there is nothing you could have done to prevent this...I know that you...just tell me you know that..."

She got a small dip of his head in acknowledgement, a small and strained "I know..." following soon after.

"You believe that right...Sam?"

He opened his eyes again but still didn't look at her...swallowing thickly a couple of times, and Sarah forced herself to breathe past the emotional choke hold on her – battling the urge to wrap him up in a bear hug, and settled for squeezing his arm – tight. "Sam – I know you love her – want to protect her, that you would give anything to take the pain of this away for her – and she knows that too, but there is nothing...you weren't there, and that is not your fault – there was no possible way for you to have known what was going to happen to her...Sam?"

"I saw the case files...it wasn't that much of a leap to consider that it might..."

She wanted to shake him – was torn between actually physically trying to shake some sense into him, and wrap him up in a tight hug – wanting to take away the hurt, the pain and the guilt. "Sam...!"

"I know...ok? I know...you don't have to..."

"I want to hear you say it..."

He turned his head to look at her, the tight hold he attempted to keep on his emotions, to keep everything locked down- fraying around the edges – she knew how painful this all was for him – could see it plainly now written on his face, in his eyes – but she wasn't letting it go. "Please...I just want you to say it and then I swear I will let it go, and not bring it up again..."

It took several, large stuttered breaths before he actually got any words out...but she eventually got a response of..."You're right...'Kay – I know. Nothing I could have done...can you just...please?"

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him, picking up on a distinct hunch that he was actually just telling her what she wanted to hear, and him believing it was a whole different ball game – but she knew she couldn't actually do anything about it – tried to take some comfort in the fact that despite what he felt, he knew that the rational viewpoint of everybody else would be the same as hers – held up both hands in a gesture of surrender and issued a softly spoken "Ok...ok. Letting it go..." in a bid to try and get him to relax a little bit.

Sarah's own stomach clenched when Luke appeared from behind the courtroom door thirty minutes later – chancing a cautionary glance at her brother, and offering a re-assuring squeeze of his arm – the main emotion evident on his face as he stood to meet the detective as he walked over was a wide-eyed look of concern.

Luke spoke first – glancing between the two of them, before forcing a small – not quite real – smile onto his face. "Jury's out..."

"So she's done?" Sam's voice was still strained...a little wrecked around the edges, and he coughed a little to try and cover himself.

"Almost...yeah."

"What do you mean almost...? If they're working on a verdict then her testimony is done..." The accusation clear in his tone, and he narrowed his eyes at the man stood in front of him for good measure.

Luke shifted around on his feet a bit, looking clearly uncomfortable – before his expression turned sheepish. "Yeah it is...I just...I need you to wait here for a bit...I need to talk to her about something, and it's best if you're not there..."

"No...No way..."

"I wasn't asking...Sam...It's just a few more minutes. I'll let you know when I'm done..." Luke didn't wait for a response, turned away from them both and walked down the hall to the prosecutor's office, and disappear behind the door with Traci – He felt Sarah grip his arm again – good and tight, probably in an effort to stop him from following him and she pulled him back and into the chair – he caught a glimpse of her sympathetic expression out of the corner of his eye and tried to force his heart rate back to normal – took some deep breaths – was pretty sure it was hammering out of his chest, and was pounding so loudly in his ears that she could probably hear every painful beat.

Traci was the person who came down the hall to tell Sam that Andy wanted to see him, her expression sombre and big wide eyed – telling him to go on in, and that she would wait outside. Luke strolled out of the door five minutes after her and powered past all three of them in the hallway without any acknowledgement.

His legs felt wobbly (warehouse – searching for her kind of wobbly and unsteady) as he knocked softly, and pushed open the door – sliding inside and closing it quietly behind him. She didn't look up when he stepped inside, curled up at the end of the couch all small and fragile, and chewing on her thumb nail – shoulders hunched and knees wrapped in her arms and hugged to her – big red rimmed eyes and tear stained cheeks, and shaky shallow breathing. For a minute he forgot to breathe – mouth dry, and he eventually managed to force out a scratchy "Hi..."

Her big brown teary eyes found him then, turning her head and seeing him for the first time and he took a couple of steps forward , standing in front of her and leaning back on the desk, wrapping his fingers tightly around the edge to support his weight and stop him from reaching out to her – he wanted to wrap her up in his arms, hold her to him in a death grip and never let go but he didn't feel like he could or should – that she wouldn't want him to touch her. "Hey..."

"I'm sorry, Andy...I..."

Andy gripped her knees tighter, relinquishing her chew on her nail and using both hands to pull them to her and her face scrunched up – eyes screwed shut, a wrinkled nose and a twisted mouth, to try and keep her tears at bay – but it didn't quite work, a few escaping from the corners and she batted them away with the back of her hand. "I want to go home...please take me home..."

"Andy, they haven't – "

"Please?" The desperation in voice deepened the crack in his heart, and his stomach churned in response.

"Yeah, ok. Home – let's go home."

She nodded her head, but didn't move – stayed completely and utterly still, and Sam eyed her for a few silent moments before taking a couple of steps forward and gently wrapping his fingers around her arm to help her up, letting go of her instantly when she flinched away from his touch. Her eyes widened as soon as he let her go, realising what she had done and reaching out and gripping hold of his hand. "Sam...I'm sorry – I didn't..."

He tried a re-assuring smile, wasn't completely sure how successful it was...he definitely wasn't feeling it, and tugged on her hand to pull her to her feet. "It's ok...you want to go home?"

"Traci said she would stay in-case they reached a verdict today...I...please?"

"Yeah, ok. I can do that – I can take you home..."

She smiled at him, small, vulnerable and wobbly around the edges and wrapped her arms around his waist; burying her face in his chest and clinging onto him super tight. He froze for a second, almost waiting for her to pull away from him – before wrapping his arms around her in return, gathering her up and dropping a kiss on the top of her head, mumbling a "love you..." into her hair.

* * *

A/N: Here goes what should have been the second half of chapter 39...I have tweaked it a little bit, and I'm still not completely happy – but everything else I try doesn't seem to sit right either. I just hope I've managed to get the emotions across – and as always that you guys have enjoyed reading...xxx


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter Forty One.**

The journey back to Andy's condo was blanketed in a thick, heavy silence – Sarah taking up residence in the back seat, and casting concerned glances between Andy (who had curled herself up as close to the edge of the passenger seat as humanly possible, head resting against the window and eyes blankly watching the city pass by) and Sam (who spent the majority of his time alternating between watching the road and the woman sat next to him – tense shoulders, and white knuckle grip on the steering wheel).

Andy rifled through her bag for her keys once they reached the front door, missing the lock three times with her trembling fingers – scrunching her eyes shut and shoulders tensing when she felt the warmth of Sam's hand on her shoulder, trying to gently pull her a couple of steps back.

"Andy, Let me-"

"I can do it!" She didn't mean to snap at him, she just-for some absurd reason, really needed to be able to open her own front door. She felt him let go of her and take a few steps back, and she opened her eyes again – bit down on her bottom lip in concentration, pulled in what she hoped would be a focusing, steadying deep breath of air and went at the lock again. She tried twice more before she eventually relented – shoulders sinking in defeat, and allowed Sam to gently pry the keys from her hand, taking a few shuffling steps sideways to let him get at the un-cooperative mechanism.

Andy dropped her coat, bag and toed off her flats just inside the door as soon as Sam had opened it, walking softly over to and disappearing behind her bedroom door and shutting it firmly behind her without saying a word. Sarah simultaneously closed the front door behind her, and reached out a hand – wrapping it around Sam's wrist and tugging on it until he looked back from the bedroom door at her. "Let her go...she just needs some time and a little bit of space – she'll let you know when she wants something."

"She doesn't...she's not a time and space person Sarah..."

"It's been a hellish day – she probably just needs some time to process it all. Leave her be for a while, and we can drag her out of there when we have dinner or something..." She pulled Sam in the direction of the kitchen – pushing him towards a bar stool at the counter until he sat down, and then poured them both a glass of water, placing them on the counter and taking a seat for herself of the other side of the bench. "I was going to head back home later – after the crazy rush traffic, but I can...do you want me to stay? I can call in at work, and Paul's fine with the kids – I could book in a hotel or something if you want me to stay for a few days..."

He shook his head at her, and pulled himself to his feet. "It's ok – I got it covered."

"I know you do – I'm not worried about Andy, she has enough people taking care of her...I'm worried about you."

"Sarah, I'm-"

"Fine – yes, I know." She raised a sceptical pointed eyebrow and aimed it in Sam's direction, but she let it go – earned a small smile in return.

"I'm just going to go and get out of this..." He reached up and pulled on his shirt collar, before shuffling across the floor and disappearing behind the door hiding Andy's washer and dryer from view – pulling a black thermal and a dark pair of jeans from the stack of clean laundry on the shelf at the side and changing into them – shoving his shirt and trousers back into the pile of his laundry in the corner and trying to ignore the icy sinking feeling in his stomach. He gave himself a couple of minutes to try and box it all back in, held onto the edge of the cumbersome dryer and studied the dials – tried to clear his head, sucked in a couple of deep breaths before forcing a small smile on to his lips and heading back out to his sister.

* * *

When Andy emerged from her bedroom four hours later – hair still damp and wavy, wearing her favourite flannel pyjama pants and zipped up in Sam's dark blue hooded sweater, Sarah had already left. She found Sam fussing around in her kitchen with a mixing bowl and the distinct smell of pancakes wafting past her nose as she padded slowly over to her counter. It was dark outside, the only light coming from the one large lamp beside her couch and the string of lights above her breakfast bar and the TV – casting patterns of multi-coloured lights across the room, and providing a low hum of background noise. He stopped whisking when she made it to the counter, looking up at her with a small smile.

"Hey...was just about to come and find you...dinners almost done."

She didn't sit on a stool, instead opted for pulling herself up onto the edge of the counter – the beginnings of a small smile playing on her lips. "You made pancakes?"

"Figured it was the one thing that might make you eat...there's chocolate chips too..."

She perked up even more at that, pulling the second bowl on the counter towards her and onto her lap – scrutinising the contents, before peering back up at him. "You may have figured right..."

He smiled back at her, before reaching out and pulling the bowl out of her grasp and walking over to her hob and switching on the heat to warm the pan. Her eyes watched him for the few moments that he had his back to her – the way his muscles moved under the fabric of his shirt, and the still painfully tense set of his shoulders and an uneasy, queasy, guilty feeling started to settle in her stomach - she fidgeted with the cuff of his sweater sleeve, eyeing it seriously as she plucked at an imaginary thread. It was that serious frown of an expression that met Sam when he turned back around – walking towards her and waving the first of the chocolate chip pancake offerings under her nose.

Andy pulled the plate from his hand, inhaling the sweet smell, a small smile reappearing and stretched out a foot – hooking it behind his knee and encouraging him closer. She put the plate down beside her, her hands reaching out and wrapping around his shoulders when he was close enough – pulling on him until he finally stepped up into her space, standing between her legs – one hand on her knee, and the other wrapped around the counter top. Andy wrapped her other leg around him, finding a similar resting spot to her other foot tucked in behind his spare knee. She couldn't look at him, the emotion she knew she would find – the warmth and concern all felt too much, too overwhelming – but she wanted him close. Her eyes followed her fingers pulling at the neckline of his shirt, while her other hand kneaded gently at the tense knot it had stumbled upon at the ridge of his shoulder. Eventually she pushed a "Thank you..." in a small voice from her lips, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, clinging to him super tight and burying her face in the crook on his neck – taking some long deep breaths, like she was trying to breathe him in and felt him squeeze at her knee.

"It's just pancakes McNally..." He felt her shake her head against him, some stray strands of hair tickling at his nose but she didn't say anything else – eventually letting go of him, and reaching for her plate and he took a couple of steps back and around the side of the counter – pushing some plates of chopped strawberries, bananas and blueberries at her to select from before reaching down behind the counter and waving a can of spray cream at her – biting down a grin at the wide-eyed look of delight suddenly appearing on her face at the sight.

"What...When...Where...I ran out..."

"I know...I went out and picked some up while Sarah was still here."

She lunged greedily at him across the counter, snatching the can from his fingers and proceeded to cover the fruit on top of her pancake with a decadent cone of air-whipped cream, adding a few extra squirts for good measure before placing the cap back on and admiring her handy work with a smug look of pure satisfaction. She got a quirked eyebrow and bemused expression when she peered back up at Sam, and she just ginned back – pulling a small portion off the edge of the pancake with her fingers, dunking it in the cream and popping it into her mouth with a shrug. She shimmied off the edge of the counter, picked up her plate and strolled over to the living area, curling up on the edge of her couch – reaching for the remote and flicking through the channels, before settling on an episode of _'America's Next Top Model__'_.

Sam managed to entice her back over to the counter for four more servings before she eventually cried off – claiming she was stuffed full, as she pulled herself back up onto the bar and watched him clearing up. He aimed a disbelieving eyebrow at her when she reached across the counter for the can of spray cream, uncapping and firing a large helping of it straight into her mouth.

"What? It's mostly air...I still have room for air..." was the response her got – mumbled around the foamy mess sticking to her tongue. "Want some?"

"That's disgusting..." Sam rolled his eyes at her, but she got a smile out of him anyway – poking her still cream covered tongue out at him and she pushed herself back down off the counter, and sashayed over to her bag – still in the corner by the door, and rummaged around for her phone – her face was lit up by the screen when she checked it for messages, but it was still showing blank.

"Anything...?"

She peered up at him standing by her sink, and scrunched up her nose – shaking her head in response, and she plodded back to her spot curled up on the corner of the couch – reaching for and wrapping her fingers around the spray can on the counter as she walked past. She dropped her phone onto the coffee table, the screen shining at her obnoxiously and she pulled a throw pillow onto her lap – hugging it to her and pretending to focus on some kind of schmaltzy made for TV movie that was playing across the screen.

Sam joined her a few minutes later, sitting down on the couch but leaving a gap big enough to fit another person between them and she looked over at him with a frown – his focus aimed entirely at the TV, but she knew he wasn't watching it. She eyed him pointedly for a few more minutes, before wriggling along the couch and migrating closer to him – keeping a grip on her pillow, and curling into a foetal position – resting her head on his thigh. He held himself deadly still for a few minutes, she even found herself wondering if he was actually still breathing – but she knew when he relaxed, one hand reaching out and tracing random patterns up and down her arm and the other one trailing through her hair.

"She hasn't even sent a text...that can't be good right? If they're taking this long to deliver a verdict..."

Sam's fingers stilled and she felt his eyes on her, but she didn't turn to look at him – kept her eyes trained on the TV the whole entire time and she felt him let go of ghost of a sigh. "It doesn't mean anything..."

"It means it's not unanimous...they're having to talk about it..."

"Andy..."

"She would've called by now..." She hated how small her voice sounded – even to herself, fragile and whispered.

"It could be any number of things, and whatever happens...whatever comes out of this – you did a good thing today. An incredibly difficult, brave thing – and you should be proud of yourself. Proud that you had the guts to do it...see it through..."

Andy reached for his hand that was still resting on her arm, interlacing their fingers and gripping it tight – a slight nod of her head the only indication that she had heard what he had said, shifting position slightly – curling up a little more and closing her eyes as his other fingers resumed their trailing pattern through her hair.

It was an hour later before either of them spoke again. Sam thought she had fallen asleep, her voice taking him slightly by surprise and causing his fingers to stop their now subconscious tangling through her hair. "It was horrible...seeing them again – I don't think I thought about what it would be like having to..."

He didn't actually know what to say, if there was anything he could say to comfort her so he stayed quiet – squeezing her hand that was still wrapped up in his and her eyes opened in response – shifting position so she stretched out on her back and looked up at him. "They made me go over everything with them leering at me, and I know...I know that that's what they had to do...but I just..."

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry you had to go through that, Andy...I'm..." His voice was strained, and he coughed lightly to try and force his voice to co-operate with him when she suddenly sat up – crossing her legs, and twisting around so that she was facing him again...reaching for his hand again and squeezing it back.

"It's done now right? Whatever happens...we just...we're gonna be ok..." She dropped her eyes to study his hand, and he let her trace the lines on his palm for a second before wrapping his hand around hers and pulling her towards him – folding her up in his arms and dropping his face into her hair when she snuggled up against his chest, curling herself into him.

"Yep...we're gonna be ok." Scratched its way out of his throat, and they both flinched as Andy's phone buzzed into life on the coffee table...vibrating next to the can of spray cream and she dug her fingers into him for a brief second before extricating herself from his lap and reaching for the phone – peering at the screen, and thrusting it at Sam.

"You talk to her...I can't...I don't...please?"

His eyes went wide for a second, before he checked himself back in and took the phone off her and Andy shuffled completely out of his space...backing up until her back met the arm at the other side of the couch, and curled up, biting down on her thumb again and big wide eyes watching him. Sam eyed her back for a few long seconds, wide eyes of his own before averting his gaze; he couldn't talk to Traci about any of it with her looking at him like that. He sucked in a deep breath and answered the ring and holding the phone gingerly against his ear. "Nash...?"

"Hey...how's Andy doing?"

He wasn't completely sure how to answer that question, and his voice didn't appear to be co-operating with him anyway – just about managing to get a forced..."Uhhh..." out of his mouth, before Traci put him out of his misery.

"Tell her I'll be over to see her tomorrow...and that she did it...every single one of them, guilty as sin Sam...They're locking them up..."

"How long...?"

"Eight years each...I got to go, but tell her I'll call her later – ok?"

"Yeah...ok. Thanks..."

Sam's eyes found hers again as soon as he hung up the call, gently tossing the phone back onto the coffee table and reaching for her hand – shuffling closer to her at the edge of the couch, and trying to pull her to him at the same time, but she stayed completely still – her eyes widening to an almost comical level by the time he was next to her – the question plainly written across her face, and he smiled at her – soft and small. "You did it..."

"What? What did she say...?"

"8 years...they're locking them up for 8 years."

"Seriously?" She narrowed her eyes at him, and tried to analyse his expression. She didn't think he would lie to her – knew he wouldn't, but couldn't quite grasp what he was telling her.

"Seriously...you did it."

The relief coursing through her as she finally started to grasp and process what he was telling her felt like a two tonne weight had been lifted off her shoulders, but she suddenly found it difficult to breathe – breathing in stuttered, ragged breaths and her eyes blurring with tears of relief and she felt him reach for her – wrap her up in his arms, and let her cling to him as the tears she had been battling against, or trying to, all day finally broke free.

* * *

A/N...almost nearing the end folks...I know I still have a few loose ends to tie up for you, all of which are coming in the next couple of chapters - when hopefully everything will be revealed. Until we get to that point though, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has alerted, and reviewed this story...your encouragement has meant the world to me...and I know I have taken you down a long road...so thank you!

As always...I really hope you enjoyed... xxxx


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter Forty Two.**

* * *

A/N

I'm really sorry to have not updated this in so long – I have been stupidly busy with uni work, and have been unable to find the time to get anything down on paper – I still have one ridiculous assignment to go for this year, so the next update might be a while in coming as well...sorry again in advance! However, if any of you wonderful peeps would like the persevere with this story until the end...(which is coming soon! – providing uni work and life give me the chance!)...here is Chapter 42! xxxx

A/N.2 - also, apologies but this update is not as long as I was hoping it would be...running out of time, and thought it might be best to update a little while I have the chance!

* * *

Andy gulped down a large mouthful of whiskey before depositing the glass in the sink, and swiping any residue moisture from her mouth with the back of her still trembling hand – gripping onto the edge of the counter to lend some extra support to her shaky legs. She sunk down to the floor and leaned back against her kitchen cabinet, her weary muscles no longer wanting to keep her upright. Her heart was stuttering painfully in her chest, and she sucked in some large mouthfuls of air – trying to calm herself down, but it didn't seem to take the edge off of anything. She was just grateful that she had managed to have the foresight to move herself to her couch when she couldn't sleep, so that when she eventually did close her eyes she didn't wake Sam because of the nightmares. She was exhausted – physically, emotionally...had absolutely no idea what to do with herself. She had no tears left, her eyes had completely dried out –they had just stared blankly at her on her last trip to the bathroom when she checked her reflection with narrowed, disapproving eyes – they were so tired and dry now that they actually stung, and she was sure the tears would be flowing freely if she hadn't already exhausted them. She knew – knew as soon as she closed her eyes, and saw their faces imprinted on the inside of her eyelids that it was going to be a bad night, found herself wondering – not for the first time, if she would ever be able to sleep again.

She reached across to the wine cooler in her kitchen island and pulled out the closest bottle she could reach, thanking the lord it was a screw top and swallowed a large mouthful of the deep red Shiraz. She gulped down two more large mouthfuls before thinking better of it – knowing full well the dangers of relying on alcohol to solve her sleep problems and she pulled herself back onto wobbly legs, screwed the top back onto the bottle and shuffled back over to her sofa – pulling the knitted throw off the back, cocooning herself inside it in an attempt to stop the shaking and curled up on the cushions – reaching for the remote and searching for something ridiculously light hearted and fluffy on the TV – eventually muting the sound on the Cartoon Network and trying to concentrate on the multitude of bright colours sweeping across the screen. She eventually stopped shaking, but the distraction did nothing to ease the queasy feeling in her stomach.

It was not until 7 in the morning that Sam stirred enough to realise that he was in bed alone, the sheets on Andy's side of the bed cool under his fingers when he reached out for her and he pried one sleepy eye open to check, even though he knew she wasn't there. He smelt bacon two seconds later and pulled himself out of bed with a sleepy sigh, pulling on his jeans that had been abandoned on the floor the night before, a clean t-shirt, and followed his nose – shuffling towards the bedroom door. He saw Andy as soon as he pushed open the door, bopping around the kitchen in his black thermal and singing along to the radio. His heart missed a beat at the sight, and he leaned up against the doorframe with a raised eyebrow, watching her slide along the floor to the fridge, collect a bottle of juice and spin around to add it to the already laden down breakfast bar – singing the whole entire time – at least until she saw him watching, and then she momentarily froze to the spot, offering him a sheepish smile and a blush spread across her entire face. "Morning..."

Sam grinned widely back at her, and she dropped the juice onto the breakfast bar and half danced/half skipped her way over to him – throwing her arms around his neck once she was close enough, and worked up on her tiptoes to kiss him softly, and whisper "I made breakfast..." against his lips.

He wrapped his arms around her waist when she pulled back a little to keep her close, dropping a brief kiss on her forehead. "So I see..."

She smiled brightly up at him, and took a couple of steps back – relinquishing the hold she had on his neck and reaching to take hold of his hand, tugging him over to the breakfast bar and nudging him into a stool – reaching for the coffee pot and pouring him a cup, before he wrapped his arms around her waist again and pulled her back to sit on his lap – he kissed her temple once, and tightened his hold on her as she wrapped an arm back around his shoulder and smiled back at him. "What time were you up...?"

He felt her tense against him, and her smile wavered slightly but she didn't look away – she wrapped her other arm around him and forced her smile back into place, kissed him once on the cheek before shrugging her shoulders.

"Andy..."

"No...Don't. It's ok. It's a good day – today is a good day. I'm moving on...it's going to get better. It's done...It's done and I survived...you're on the mend – I will get my partner back at work with me soon – We have a wedding to plan...Jerry & Traci are having a baby...Oliver is back with Zoe...Gail and Nick are finally Gail _and_ Nick...the world is righting itself again and today is going to be a good day. I know we still have next week to get through, but we're going to be fine..." She wriggled out of his grip and padded around to the kitchen counter to retrieve the toast and bacon, ignoring the sceptical expression he was aiming at her and busied herself with buttering the toast.

"McNally...you..."

She bit down on a slice of toast, and turned to place the rest of the plate in front of Sam – swiping a piece of bacon and walking backwards towards her bedroom, throwing what she hoped was a reassuring smile in his direction and mumbling "I'm fine...I have to get ready for work..." around her toast.

She felt Sam's eyes on her as soon as she ventured back out of her bedroom. She dropped her holdall by the front door and busied herself fiddling with her travel mug and the coffee pot, until he got up from his stool and walked around to her, placing a hand on the counter next to her and the other one found its way to her hip - fingers squeezing gently at the same time as his lips found the weak spot on her neck, just below her ear. She relaxed back into him momentarily before abandoning her caffeine related tasks and swivelling around so that she could see him; tangling both hands up in his t-shirt and the concern she could see plainly written on his face made her feel instantly guilty. "Sam..."

"No-one is expecting you to just get over it...you know that right? What you went through yesterday...What you've been through..." He stopped talking when she dropped her eyes away from his and studied the neck line of his shirt and he dipped his knees in an attempt to get some eye contact back – his hand letting go of the counter, and nudging under her chin gently to try and get her to look back at him. "McNally..."

She nodded her head slightly, a small whispered "I know" in acknowledgment, before pulling him in for a kiss that became a lot deeper than she originally intended, she didn't want to let him go. When she eventually pulled back she unwrapped herself from him and turned back around to finish making her coffee, blinking away the prickling dampness in her eyes and felt the warmth of his hand on the small of her back – rubbing in gentle circles and her heart swooped a little. She made quick work of the travel mug, knowing that if she stayed put any longer then she would want to break into pieces, and cling to him and she was not, under any circumstances going to let that happen – she picked up her mug, and keys – forced a smile into place, and twirled around to face him – pulling him into a hug, and placing a sweet kiss on his cheek before making a beeline for the front door and her holdall. "I have to go, I'll see you later..."

* * *

Sam shut the lid on the laptop and stuffed the leaflets and magazines under the sofa cushions when he heard knocking at the door. He knew logically that it wouldn't be Andy, that she had no need to knock on her own front door – but the whole point was that it was supposed to be a surprise, and he knew that if it was anyone on the other side of that door apart from Jerry or Oliver then there would be no way he would be able to keep it as a surprise. It took him a couple of minutes to get sorted, and get to the door so when he opened the it his Staff Sergeant had already started walking back towards the stairs. "Frank...?"

He turned back when he heard his voice, offered a small smile in greeting and walked back towards him. "Sam. How are you doing...?"

"Good...yeah I'm...Is everything ok? Is McNally...?" His stomach dropped to the floor when Frank got back to the door, his expression sombre.

"No...Yes...she's...she's fine, this isn't about McNally. Can I come in?"

Sam stepped back from the door, and motioned for him to step inside. Frank followed him into the living area and pulled an envelope out of his pocket before sitting down on the sofa and Sam followed his lead, sitting on the adjacent chair. Frank offered up a small smile. "Physio reports are looking good...they're telling me you're on the mend..."

Sam wasn't exactly sure where this was heading, it wasn't exactly a question but Frank didn't seem to be following up with anything so he went with it anyway. "Getting there...I'll be running a marathon before you know it..."

"Good...that's good. I'm glad you're ok...I'm glad you're both ok."

"Yep, I'll be fighting fit and back at work before you know it..." He flashed a small smile Franks way, only Frank's smile changed back to the sombre expression he was met with at the door and Sam raised a questioning eyebrow his way. "C'mon Frank...it's me...What's going on?"

"I know. I know, and I didn't want to have to do this..." He leaned forward, and pushed the white envelope in his hand across the coffee table towards his friend. "Callaghan...He...IA Sam...they're conducting an investigation...Callaghan made a complaint, and their investigating what happened...That letter is for the hearing – I tried to stop it from getting this far, but...you know I will do everything I can...but they want your badge."

It took a while for the words to sink in, for the words to sink in and then for them to get processed, before Sam was form any kind of coherent thought – eventually forcing a dangerously low edged "I'm sorry...what?" out of his mouth.

"Sam..."

"Callaghan made a complaint about what exactly...?"

"It's all in the letter...Sam, I know..." was about all he picked up from Frank, as he swiped the letter off the table and skim read the contents – not really taking in any of the details, other than disregarding protocol and disobeying direct orders...there was something in there about putting other Officers in danger and a nice touch about being the second serious disciplinary strike on his record within 5 years, which pulled a huff of a harsh humourless laugh out of him and It took a few more seconds before he realised that Frank was still talking to him. "Sam...I will be fighting your corner, but I can't...I can't guarantee anything...I can't change the facts...you were told to stay away..."

"Frank...I..."

"I know...I know." Frank pulled himself to his feet, and Sam subconsciously mirrored his actions – his mind still whirling over and repeating the words in the letter.

"What happens now..."

"I can't have you on Station – under any circumstances, and Internal Affairs will be in touch."

"So I'm suspended...is what you're saying..."

"You're on sick leave – you're recorded as off with an Injury on Duty, but the investigation might revoke that judgement..."

"And if I wasn't on sick leave...?"

"Then I would have to suspend you...You just need to sit tight until IA get in touch, and take it from there. There is a list of the things you'll need to pull together for the hearing attached to that letter – and I pulled some strings to get Jerry listed as your POC, so if you need to know anything about what's happening then you can call him..." Frank made his way towards the door, turning back briefly. "Sam...For what it's worth...I am sorry, and I am glad that you're both ok. I will do what I can..."

"Frank...this is..." The fog that had descended in his brain stopped Sam from finishing his sentence, but Frank's expression and the small nod of his head before he pulled open the door and left indicated that he knew exactly what words should have appeared.

* * *

Sam pulled open the door to the Penny, and was hit with a wall of raucous cheers and Noelle's dulcet tones on the microphone as he stepped inside. Andy had sent him a text at 4 in the afternoon telling him that it was Karaoke Night at the Penny, and that under no circumstances was he allowed to bail out. He promised her he would meet her there, and then spent the rest of the afternoon bring harassed by Oliver crooning Karaoke classics down the phone at him at various intervals – which was something he definitely wanted rewarding for. It didn't take him long to spot her – sat at a high table in the middle of the room with Nash and Epstein, her face lighting up into a bright smile as soon as she saw him. He flashed a quick smile back at her, and pointed towards the bar...if he was going to make it through this experience he was going to need alcohol.

Andy scrambled down off her stool and met him there. He tucked his fingers into her belt loops and tugged her in front of him, boxing her in with a hand on either side of her on the bar, and grazed her lips in a brief hello kiss, before she swivelled around and propped herself up on the bar – peering back at him over her shoulder with a smile. "What do you want...?"

"Beer's fine..."

Andy waved down the new bartender, and ordered them one each before he felt a familiar pat on the back and turned to see Oliver slide onto the stool next to them, grinning widely and Sam was instantly suspicious. "The answer is no..."

"What? I merely came to welcome you to your once local watering-hole...it's been a while my friend...too long." He stuck his finger in the air and swivelled it around in the vicinity of the deliverer of Andy's beers, hoping to gain a refill and slid his bottle along the bar.

Andy watched the bottle make its way along the bar towards her elbow, and then picked it up and passed it to the bartender with an eye roll. "And another one of these for this guy please..."

Oliver's face lit up, and he hitched a thumb in Sam's direction. "He's paying..." and before Sam could argue, added "You haven't been here in months...You owe me at least 10 rounds by now..."

Andy quirked a disbelieving eyebrow in Oliver's direction, and reached for the hand that Sam no longer had holding onto the bar, interlacing their fingers and hip-checking him gently before stepping back into his space a little bit – earning herself a quick smile in the process. "How was your day?"

"Fine...it was...Fine. You?"

"Dull...traffic checks...speed checks...gourmet tours..." She nodded her head in Oliver's direction with a quick grin.

"Hey...McNally...I will have you know that...I am...this..." Oliver raised a hand and pointed at his face, in the slim chance she was unaware who he was referring to "...this handsome specimen is anything but dull..."

Sam raised a questioning eyebrow, following it up with "Dim Sum huh?"

Andy shook her head at him Sam in mock horror. "Oh no...this was Modern Asian Fusion! The height of delectable cuisine!"

Oliver peered at them both through narrowed eyes, before pulling himself to his feet and waving a pointy finger at them both. "Just for that...you can deliver me my beer. I will be waiting over there!" and stalked back to his original table.

Andy's attention was distracted by shrieks rippling out from the now full rookie table, and Sam nudged her back in their direction. "Go... – I can wait for the drinks, and I'll be there in a minute." She smiled up at him, and stole another kiss, before letting go of his hand and returning to her friends.

Sam had just turned back to the bar when Jerry made an appearance next to him, having waited for his opportunity. "Hey...How are you doing?"

He didn't want to talk about it, didn't really want to be here – because he knew Jerry would try and talk about it, he glanced over at his friend with a look that he hoped would encourage him to let it go before collecting the beers that had just been deposited in front of him and starting to make his way back towards Andy, but Jerry reached out and took hold of his arm – pulling him back. "We're going to fix it...Me, Frank, Oliver – we're all witnesses. McNally – talk to her, she will be able to..."

"Not going to happen."

"Sam..."

"I'm not getting her involved in this shit Jer...If Callaghan wants to take me out, then he can try – but I am not letting her get dragged in..."

"But she..."

"No – the answer is no..."

"Are you even going to tell her about it...?"

The only reply he offered his friend was a shake of his head, as he pulled his arm out of his Jerry's grip and waved a beer bottle at Oliver before walking over to Andy, and pulling up a chair at her table.

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A/N. Thank you muchly folks for taking the time to read - hope you enjoyed, and I will get the next update up for you as soon as I can. xxxx


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter Forty Three.**

"Sooooo...what are you going to do...?" Oliver deposited the selection of delivered pizzas on his kitchen counter, and collected a trio of beers from his fridge. He took a seat across from his friends, passing them each a bottle and took a swig of his own before making a show of picking up and shuffling the cards in front of him. He peered over at Sam when he heard no response, and was met with what he knew was only an attempt at a blank, unaware stare and stopped shuffling. "Sam...seriously...this is...this is serious. You know what I'm talking about..."

"Will you just deal already..?"

"You need to talk to her...She needs to know, and it needs to come from you – not from the jungle drums of fifteen...you."

Sam pointed the beer bottle in his hand at his friend, along with a wide smile. "You do know that we actually need the cards to play right..?"

"Sammy..."

"He's got a point...Traci said..." Jerry's words died on his tongue at the slack jawed, wide eyed glare that Sam aimed his way, his eyebrows knotting in confusion.

"I'm sorry...you talked to Traci? You told Nash...?" Sam eyeballed his friend in disbelief, his fingers tapping against the beer bottle in his hand a clear sign of his agitation.

"I might have...mentioned something. Sam – you're missing the point..."

"Oh... I'm missing the point?" He glanced back and forth between his friends; his mouth opened and closed a few times in an attempt to form a sentence before he eventually settled his glare on Jerry. "What is the deal with everyone needing an opinion on my life...I'm dealing with it. Have you forgotten how much those two talk? If she says anything to Andy it's on your head..."

Oliver began dealing the cards in his hand in an attempt to diffuse the building tension before he spoke again, he knew they were pushing their luck – it was a miracle they had got him here in the first place, but he wasn't ready to completely let it go yet. "You're family...both of you – we have opinions because we care. She is going to find out...I just think it would end better if it was from you." He dropped the deck of cards on the table, picked up and studied his hand. "How are you going to have the conversation with her if it goes south...How are you going to explain that away?" He chanced a look back across the table and found Sam gripping tightly onto his own cards, a lot of eyebrow being aimed in his direction. "I'm just making an observation..."

"She's been through enough – ok? It's not up for debate – are we going to play, or am I wasting my time...?" The edge in his voice was enough to let Oliver know that he had pushed it as far as he could, and he aimed a sideways glance at Jerry, picking up on the minutely perceptible nod of his head that let him know that they were letting it drop.

A defeated sigh, and a slump of Oliver's shoulders let Sam know he was off the hook before a resigned smile was aimed in his direction. "Oh...we're playing."

* * *

Sam slowly pushed open the front door to Andy's condo, and stealthily crept in through the gap. The sight greeting him on the other side of the door melted his heart a little, Andy curled up, blanketed, and snoring softly on the sofa in his grey sweater (which she had now completely claimed as her own – not that he minded one iota), her short, short PJ shorts were just in view with one long leg peeking out above the blanket and the most ridiculous ice-cream printed knee high socks pulled all the way up. He made himself comfortable sitting on the coffee table just watching her for a good few minutes, her peaceful sleep filled oblivion – before taking the cap off one of the coffees he had collected on his way home and waving the sugary caramel scented caffeine concoction under her nose. "McNally...wakey, wakey...It's time to get up sweetheart..."

He shuffled a little closer when she didn't stir, gave up his spot on the table and crouched down next to her – tucking some unruly hair behind her ear and kissing her softly on the cheek before tugging gently on her earlobe with a smile. "Andy...I brought in breakfast...picked up coffee, your favourite chocolate swirls and juice...you're going to be late for work."

He waved the coffee under her nose some more, and when that didn't work he planted it on the table behind him, pulled himself to his feet and smacked her on the butt – smiling to himself when he heard her grumpy groan into the sofa cushion as he walked away back to the kitchen to pick up the other goodies he had deposited there. He had to bite the inside of his cheek to hold back a grin at the pout and the bleary eyes he was met with when he turned back around and eyed her from the kitchen counter. "Sometimes you really suck...you know that?"

"Good Night?" He smiled a little...couldn't quite hold it in, and got a pointed eyebrow back in return. She hmmmppphed and flounced around on the sofa for a few seconds, all elbows and knees before reaching for and devouring the coffee left for her and Sam made his way back over to her – perching on the arm of the sofa, his smile expanding. "I thought you and Nash could hold your liquor..."

"I can hold my drink just fine thank you...this is not hung over." She hid a smile behind her coffee, and shuffled up a bit on the couch so she could peer back up at Sam. "Trace has already left...she had to pick up Leo...I've already made her breakfast...I just..."

"Needed to sleep it off a little...?"

"No...!" Andy swiped a mock offended slap at his thigh, but he caught her hand...pulling her closer to him and kissing her hello properly. She interlaced their fingers, and squeezed his hand when he loosened his grip on her and let her pull away, a small smile and an blush creeping onto her face. "Did you win...?"

He smiled back at her, squeezing at her hand in return. "Enough to buy you breakfast, and take you out to dinner tonight."

"Oh really...? Where are we going...?" Andy gradually worked her way up and onto her feet and deposited herself onto his lap, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and Sam's arm looped around her waist to pull her a little bit closer.

"Where do you want to go?" He nudged along her jaw with his nose until she lifted up her chin to give him access and he started placing gentle kisses along the column of her neck, following her pulse.

"I don't...umm...King's Noodle's.." It took a few seconds for her to force a response out, breath catching in the back of her throat because of the attention that Sam was currently levelling at her skin and it came out mumbled and breathless. He stopped as soon as he heard her suggestion, pulling away and looking at her with a disbelief written across his face. "What?...I like Chinese food."

"McNally – I took half of Oliver's pay cheque, I am not taking you to King's Noodles for dinner..." He raised an eyebrow at her in challenge, and a small smile appeared at the flustered, pouting expression he got back.

"I didn't...I don't..."

"Think fancy restaurant...nice wine...nice dress..." he kissed his way along her jaw, back to her mouth and kissed her once softly before nudging at her nose. "...get the idea..."

"Oh, ok...you mean like a date night..." She smiled wide and bright, knew exactly the dress she was would wear.

He smiled back at her, dimples digging in and allowed her to steal a brief kiss before he nodded back in answer. "What's it going to be...?"

Andy pulled her bottom lip through her teeth, and huffed out a sigh. "We may not be able to get a reservation..."

He shook his head good-naturedly at her, and raised a questioning eyebrow. "Where do you want to go?"

"Vi Pei?"

"It's a date. I'll pick you up at 8 – and I'll sort out the rest." He tangled his fingers through her hair, pulling her back towards him but she planted a palm on his chest and pushed him back with a look of confusion.

"Pick me up?"

"Yes..."

"Where are you picking me up from?"

He looked at her for a second as though she had momentarily lost a few brain cells but held back on commenting, and went with answering her instead. "Here."

"Why won't you be here...?"

"I have to...I have an appointment that I need to get to. It's closer to my place then here, so I can stop off there and grab some stuff and just pick you up on my way back through to the restaurant..." His words tailed off at the way she was studying his expression, and he smiled quick and small and hoped she wouldn't push it.

"An appointment for what...?" she dropped her hand from his chest, searching out and finding the arm that was wrapped around her and taking hold of his hand.

"Just some work stuff...I have a meeting, it's not a big deal."

"Like a when you're coming back to work meeting...?" She smiled hopefully at him, and his chest got a little tighter. He didn't want to lie to her... technically it was to hash out a plan of action so that he could kick Callaghan into the next century and still be able to come back to work, so technically not a lie...technically not lying...he couldn't bring himself to say it though, so offered a small nod of his head in agreement instead – sweeping some of her hair aside that was obstructing his access to her skin, and nuzzled at her neck, dropping a few kisses into the mix for good measure until she froze and wrenched herself out of his grip all in the space of thirty seconds. "Shit...Sam! I'm going to be so late..." He watched her power towards her bedroom, socks sliding across the floor, and her legs following with all the grace of a baby giraffe and the sight forced an unconscious small smile into residence, but it didn't do anything to calm the churning in his stomach.

* * *

Andy unceremoniously plonked herself down in the chair next to Oliver once she made it to Parade, she had made it with a little bit of help from Sam as a chauffeur, with exactly seven minutes to spare and she smiled widely at the man sat next to her - Oliver tried his best to ignore her, until she bumped shoulders with him and he peered over at her with a raised eyebrow. "Do you need me to shout lunch today? I heard you might be a little low on funds..."

"He cheated – it's going to take a lot of lunches to make up for those moves McNally."

"I can shout lunch...you're buying me dinner...a very nice dinner...a dress up restaurant dinner..." He narrowed his eyes at her, and she bit back a giggle – peering up when she caught sight of a suit in the corner of her eye, and heard Luke clearing his throat in an attempt to announce his presence.

"Andy – have you got a minute?"

Oliver's eyes widened as he peered back and forth between the pair, and tried to kick his brain into gear to think of a reason...any reason...why it would be an extremely bad idea for Andy to have a conversation with Luke – one that he was allowed to mention out loud, and the best he could come up with in the small amount of seconds that he gave himself was "Parade time Callaghan...no can do..."

"I cleared it with Frank, and I'm sure you can catch her up...we need to talk about the testimony for next week." He smiled back at Oliver, and Andy peered back at him curiously – she had never known Oliver to have tension with anyone, but in that moment he looked like he wanted to throttle Luke with his own tie – not that she would have had a problem with it, but it just surprised her.

Andy pulled herself to her feet, a perplexed and small 'Ok..." issued in response, and followed Luke out of the room – glancing back at Oliver in confusion one more time, and eventually following Luke into the interview room that had become the temporary home of all the undercover paperwork and evidence that she had pulled together on the Krzeminski clan. She may have put the guys that attacked her behind bars, but next week was the turn of all the others – and as much as the idea of having to go through all the details with Luke didn't exactly thrill her, she was looking forward to getting it done and moving on. She closed the door behind her, and turned to face him with a shrug of her shoulders. "Where do you want to start...?"

Andy passed the final file back over to the detective, with a sigh. "That's it right...? There's nothing else I've forgotten about?"

"Nope...we're good, I think we covered everything." He offered her a small smile, and he pulled himself to his feet as she stood to leave, his voice stopping her before she pulled on the handle to open the door. "Andy, I know this can't be easy...it's an awkward situation – I just wanted to say thank you for not letting it affect the way we work together. For what it's worth I just told them what happened...everything else that's happened since is action that they're taking – not me."

She looked back at him, completely confused – and turned back around, arms crossed defensively (defense always seemed to be her go to response with Luke these days) when he didn't elaborate. "What are you talking about...?" When she didn't get a response, she tried to nudge him in the right direction. "Luke...?".She saw after a few seconds the confusion on his face merge into an expression of realisation and he sat back down in his chair.

"He hasn't told you has he?" He agitatedly drummed his fingers on the edge of the table, and tried to hold back on an exasperated sigh.

Andy aimed an impatient eyebrow at him. "Who? And tell me what exactly?"

"Internal Affairs – they're...Sam's under investigation. I gave them a report – a report that _they asked_ for, on what happened on the lead up to everything that went down in the warehouse that day, and they started a disciplinary investigation."

"They're...Sam's...Sam's up for a disciplinary?" She had heard what he said, just couldn't actually quite process it until she said the words out loud. "Since when...?"

"Last week...Frank told him last week, I thought you knew...I thought you..."

"Right...Of course you did...why would I not...I..." She couldn't finish her sentence, all of her focus transferring onto the fact that she needed to get out of the room and as far away from the what appeared to be sympathetic, although was probably anything but, smile that Luke was aiming at her. She turned on her heel, pulled the door open and strolled as calmly as she could back out into the hallway and her feet took her on auto-pilot towards the coffee machine and the kitchen, which is where Oliver found her ten minutes later.

It took her ten minutes to realise that there was somebody else there, and that they were talking to her – the sound of her pulse roaring in her ears completely covering any kind of external sound, and her focus on trying to stop her hands from shaking closing her off from everything else that was happening around her. She jumped half a mile out of her skin when she felt the warmth of Oliver's hand land between her shoulder blades, her head whipping back so fast that she almost gave herself whiplash, and her expression must have been an open book because Oliver's smile fell as soon as she looked at him. "Did you know...?"

She knew he knew – could tell completely by his expression, and he looked away...busying himself with the tower of paper cups on the counter next to him. "Know what...?"

"Oliver!" She cringed inwardly at the high pitched squeak that emerged in disguise as her voice, reached out and tugged on his arm until he looked at her again, the rest of her sentence coming out in a hiss "...you know exactly what I'm talking about...why didn't you tell me?!", to which she was met with two hands raised in surrender.

"Not my place...I told him to talk to you, but he didn't want you to worry..." Oliver pulled his shirt out of her grip and pried the now steaming hot coffee cup out of her white knuckle gripping fingers before she squeezed it hard enough to spill scalding liquid all over them both. "He has his reasons...McNally..."

"Worry! I...He...Why...Who else knows? Am I the only person who didn't have a clue? I thought he...wait...What's going on this afternoon...Oliver...?" She could hear the words tumbling out of her mouth, and could tell by the expression on the face of the man opposite her that she wasn't making any sense – but her brain was still having problems connecting with any other part of her body.

Oliver reached out and wrapped a gentle hand around her elbow, guiding her away from the prying eyes still left in the station and in the direction of their squad car. "McNally, you are going to buy me breakfast and we are going to have a talk...away from here,"

"Oliver, I want to know what..." She tried to keep the waiver out of her voice, but the pitchy tone of her words gave her away.

"I know...just keep walking, I will drive – you can buy, and we will talk."

* * *

A/N...Thank you for the amazing reviews and alerts following the last update - I don't feel like I deserve them after making you all wait so long, but they totally made my month! Here is another update for you as my way of saying thank you - you guys are all totally AWESOME!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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